Once upon a time in a faraway land called The Star, a crownie king took to the airwaves. The crownie king bared his soul and told the whole kingdom (and anyone who can read between proverbial lines) that his time for taking snaps in actual games had ended. Unbeknownst to the crownie king, some listeners were asleep, after having their brain cells shocked into submission by the latest rant of Sir Screaming A of WhoTheFreakingCaresVania. Alas, the crownie king had said his good-byes to the good people of The Star, all the while thinking he would only endure the painful sideline sweeps of idiotic network camera crews but he was wrong! For some loyal subjects remained oblivious that nothing short of an injury to his rookie phenom successor would place him back on the field. And thus the fairy tale that the crownie king wished only to squash continues.
The End. (The Disney movie will be coming soon to a theater near you!)