David Buehler Facts

[JonJon]

• David Buehler's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
• David Buehler counted to infinity - twice.
• David Buehler does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. David Buehler goes killing.
• If you can see David Buehler, he can see you. If you can't see David Buehler you may be only seconds away from death.
• David Buehler sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, David roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
• When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for David Buehler.
• David Buehler built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, David Buehler met all three bullets with his fist, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
• David Buehler has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
• They once made a David Buehler toilet paper, but it wouldn't take crap from anybody.
• A blind man once stepped on David Buehler's shoe. David replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm David Buehler!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by David Buehler.

• David Buehler once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
• David Buehler's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools David Buehler.
• David Buehler doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
• On a high school math test, David Buehler put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because David Buehler solves all his problems with Violence.
• Once a cobra bit David Buehler's leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
• Giraffes were created when David Buehler uppercutted a horse.
• Death once had a near-David-Buehler experience.

 

[lcharles]

wasted pick.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

piss-your-pants funny thread

thanks man

 

[Nexx]

i lulz'd at the virgin island one. :laugh2:

 

[21Savage]

I think these are remixed teboisms

Always funny, regardless. There this beer commercial I've been seeing these days that uses a few of these things (anybody have an official name for them?)

 

[dadymat]

how original...

 

[Staggerlee]

Actually most of these if not all are old chuck norris jokes. Hence the mentioning of a roundhouse to a blind man.

 

[kmp77]

He gets us a touchback....I'll buy his jersey!

 

[gimmesix]

Should have changed the "roundhouse" remarks to mention his kickoff ability.

Such as:

David Buehler sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled kickoff ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, David kicked the devil back to hell and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Some of your last ones I hadn't read ... funny stuff.

 

[SLATEmosphere]

I hate this thread...I really do....

 

[Rampage]

this thread sucks and is an insult to Chuck Norris and Tim Tebow.

 

[silverbear]

I think these are remixed teboisms

Which in turn are remixed Chuck Norris-isms...

 

[Dawgs0916]

lol waaay to be original. at least take out the round house ones so it isn't so blatent that you just changed the name in all these

 

[AdamJT13]

David Buehler's foot never touches the foot on kickoffs. The mere sight of his approaching foot scares the ball, and it jumps off the tee and tries to get as far away as possible.

 

[the kid 05]

David Buehler's foot never touches the foot on kickoffs. The mere sight of his approaching foot scares the ball, and it jumps off the tee and tries to get as far away as possible.

how does a foot touch a foot? it has no fingers

 

[Idgit]

David Buehler's foot never touches the foot on kickoffs. The mere sight of his approaching foot scares the ball, and it jumps off the tee and tries to get as far away as possible.

Everyone who thinks Adam should consider sticking to posts about the salary cap and stay out of the comedy threads, raise your hand.

 

[Beast_from_East]

If this guy can kick the ball out the back of the endzone on a regular basis, we are all going to be buying his jersey!!!!!

 

[Dawgs0916]

David Buehler's foot never touches the foot on kickoffs. The mere sight of his approaching foot scares the ball, and it jumps off the tee and tries to get as far away as possible.

 

[JonJon]

David Buehler's foot never touches the foot on kickoffs. The mere sight of his approaching foot scares the ball, and it jumps off the tee and tries to get as far away as possible.

LOL I thought it was pretty funny.
:laugh2:

 

[JonJon]

lol waaay to be original. at least take out the round house ones so it isn't so blatent that you just changed the name in all these

Hey....copy and pasting is hard work!