CowboyWay
If Coach would have put me in, we'd a won State
- Messages
- 4,445
- Reaction score
- 554
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/080926
NFC East ranks.......
17. Washington Commanders
They just beat the Saints and Cardinals, so, um ... yeah. You know what scares me about the Commanders other than the fact Dan Snyder is a stubbier, less successful Mark Cuban? Poor Jim Zorn looks like he's wound tighter than a substitute teacher at Watts High. And it's not like a Mike Shanahan thing in which it looks like he's trying to melt a referee's brain; it's more of a "Don Draper running into an old friend from the Korean war back when everyone called him Dicky" type of nervous intensity, like he's battling a complex about never having been a head coach before. If Dallas beats the Skins by 25 this Sunday, I could see Zorn screaming, "I'm in charge here! OK? All right? I am the one in charge!!!!!!" and losing the locker room for good. He should start drinking red wine during games. I don't see this ending well.
(The good news: When Bill Cowher takes the job, CBS will have a four-man studio show again. That's right, more air time for Shannon Sharpe! Every one of his sentences should be preceded by a dentist saying, "You should start feeling the Novocain right about now.")
4. New York Giants
You might remember my writing last week, "Did you notice the Brady-Manning-Brees-Palmer-McNabb Era suddenly has the Romo-Rivers-Cutler-Roethlisberger-Rodgers Era breathing down its neck?" Of all the agitated e-mails from Giants fans over the next few days, this one from Rich in Stamford, Conn., was my favorite: "You and I both know you purposely left Eli Manning out of the second part of that sentence, you bitter [expletive]."
Guilty as charged! I still think the G-Men have a chance to become the first-ever "Nobody Still Believed In Us!" Team ... although it's hard to watch their defense (really good, not great) and not think, "Man, what if Strahan and Osi were playing?" And how will this Plax thing affect them? Will it blow over or keep festering? You know it's worse than we're being led to believe because Steve Smith uttered the dreaded "Plax is Plax, he does what he wants. ... We never know when it comes to Plax" quote this week.
Plax is Plax?
This has always been one of Adam Carolla's greatest theories -- any time someone describes a co-worker by saying their name twice (like "Plax is Plax"), that's code for either "This guy is one of the biggest a-holes in the history of mankind" or "This guy is one of the stupidest, most confusing and most inexplicable human beings I've ever met." Manny Ramirez, Barry Bonds, Steve Smith, Alex Rodriguez, Kobe Bryant, Stephon Marbury, Dennis Rodman, Chad Johnson ... they've all been slapped with the "[Name] is [Name]" quote over the years. It's never a good sign. For that reason alone (as well as the four upcoming games against Philly and Dallas), I can't put them ahead of ...
2. Philadelphia Eagles
We have to take the Eagles seriously after their defense put up a Wilt-like triple-double against "Ben" last week: 57 hits, 39 hurries and 17 sacks (all numbers approximate). Throw in their big-play guys, McNabb's revival, Brian "The Reuben" Westbrook, the impending return of two more receivers (Reggie Brown and Kevin Curtis) and these guys look dangerous. Of course, they can't beat these guys ...
1. Dallas Cowboys
The Cowboys do one thing (score points) better than anyone does anything else. Now that they have Miles Austin going as a much-needed third receiver, really, the only guy who can stop this offense is Tony Romo. What do we make of this guy? Will he ever stop self-destructing in big moments? Why does he keep forcing those "Brett Favre circa 2001-2006" throws when the Cowboys are in the red zone? And if you want to flip it around, what happens when he stops making dumb mistakes and just starts cranking out 228 mph laps with this Ferrari he's driving right now? I think we can safely say that, after three weeks, barring injuries, the 2008 NFL season rests in the hands of Jessica Simpson's boyfriend. Now that's weird.
NFC East ranks.......
17. Washington Commanders
They just beat the Saints and Cardinals, so, um ... yeah. You know what scares me about the Commanders other than the fact Dan Snyder is a stubbier, less successful Mark Cuban? Poor Jim Zorn looks like he's wound tighter than a substitute teacher at Watts High. And it's not like a Mike Shanahan thing in which it looks like he's trying to melt a referee's brain; it's more of a "Don Draper running into an old friend from the Korean war back when everyone called him Dicky" type of nervous intensity, like he's battling a complex about never having been a head coach before. If Dallas beats the Skins by 25 this Sunday, I could see Zorn screaming, "I'm in charge here! OK? All right? I am the one in charge!!!!!!" and losing the locker room for good. He should start drinking red wine during games. I don't see this ending well.
(The good news: When Bill Cowher takes the job, CBS will have a four-man studio show again. That's right, more air time for Shannon Sharpe! Every one of his sentences should be preceded by a dentist saying, "You should start feeling the Novocain right about now.")
4. New York Giants
You might remember my writing last week, "Did you notice the Brady-Manning-Brees-Palmer-McNabb Era suddenly has the Romo-Rivers-Cutler-Roethlisberger-Rodgers Era breathing down its neck?" Of all the agitated e-mails from Giants fans over the next few days, this one from Rich in Stamford, Conn., was my favorite: "You and I both know you purposely left Eli Manning out of the second part of that sentence, you bitter [expletive]."
Guilty as charged! I still think the G-Men have a chance to become the first-ever "Nobody Still Believed In Us!" Team ... although it's hard to watch their defense (really good, not great) and not think, "Man, what if Strahan and Osi were playing?" And how will this Plax thing affect them? Will it blow over or keep festering? You know it's worse than we're being led to believe because Steve Smith uttered the dreaded "Plax is Plax, he does what he wants. ... We never know when it comes to Plax" quote this week.
Plax is Plax?
This has always been one of Adam Carolla's greatest theories -- any time someone describes a co-worker by saying their name twice (like "Plax is Plax"), that's code for either "This guy is one of the biggest a-holes in the history of mankind" or "This guy is one of the stupidest, most confusing and most inexplicable human beings I've ever met." Manny Ramirez, Barry Bonds, Steve Smith, Alex Rodriguez, Kobe Bryant, Stephon Marbury, Dennis Rodman, Chad Johnson ... they've all been slapped with the "[Name] is [Name]" quote over the years. It's never a good sign. For that reason alone (as well as the four upcoming games against Philly and Dallas), I can't put them ahead of ...
2. Philadelphia Eagles
We have to take the Eagles seriously after their defense put up a Wilt-like triple-double against "Ben" last week: 57 hits, 39 hurries and 17 sacks (all numbers approximate). Throw in their big-play guys, McNabb's revival, Brian "The Reuben" Westbrook, the impending return of two more receivers (Reggie Brown and Kevin Curtis) and these guys look dangerous. Of course, they can't beat these guys ...
1. Dallas Cowboys
The Cowboys do one thing (score points) better than anyone does anything else. Now that they have Miles Austin going as a much-needed third receiver, really, the only guy who can stop this offense is Tony Romo. What do we make of this guy? Will he ever stop self-destructing in big moments? Why does he keep forcing those "Brett Favre circa 2001-2006" throws when the Cowboys are in the red zone? And if you want to flip it around, what happens when he stops making dumb mistakes and just starts cranking out 228 mph laps with this Ferrari he's driving right now? I think we can safely say that, after three weeks, barring injuries, the 2008 NFL season rests in the hands of Jessica Simpson's boyfriend. Now that's weird.
