Sam I Am;4413633 said:
You would be wrong. Kids have a temperament when they are born. That temperament doesn't change. (being intro/extro-verted) Now, who they are and how they view life is formed during their childhood. If your child is continuously embarrassed, it will help form an outlook with a low self-esteem. This is extremely harmful for both ambition in life and your child's ability to openly interact with other people without fear of embarrassing.
You should step back and reevaluate the repercussions of your actions. There is nothing wrong with being strict with your children, but you must measure it. You can take it too far and causing public embarrassing is not the way to do it.
If a child does something that ends up embarrasses themselves, then they should accept that and learn from it. When someone embarrasses them, it's an attack on their psyche and a direct shot at their self-esteem.
What you are teaching is not respect. It's fear. Respect is something that happens naturally. People fear repercussions. Respect is admiration. You never admire someone you fear.
To a degree. Im no fan of folks throwing fear out as if that is what the parent is seeking. Just because a parent wishes to use a certain consequence in punishiment, shouldn't make the child fear them if it is done only to correct. For example my father and mother used to use corporal punishment on us 3 boys growing up. My mom had to. We would try to run over here all day if she didn't. That's just the way my brothers and I were, but we never feared them, we just didn't want the switch or the belt, though I prefered the belt all day to the switch.
Boundaries have to be set at an early age and some kids do not react at all to time outs and things being taken away and quiet times given.
Sometimes.....SOMETIMES Mr. Willow needs to make an appearance to set the tone.
I got no issue w/ parents using a a bit of in your face correctness to get the child to come around to reason.
Some kids are just spoiled and are lost early because the parent is to busy w/ whatever to pay them any mind. Then the parent wonders why they get bad grades and caught up in bad activities at 13-14-15.
You don't get 10 years to screw up as a parent. Its work from day one and an attention to your childs needs and structure in his/her world.
There is nothing closer than my son's relationship with me. He does however know that after a couple of times to fix the situation, I will go full on DADMODE in a heart second. He also knows I love him and I am his friend and he can turn to me anytime for guideance and support and I will be there, but I am his FATHER first in everything.
I always give him a couple of chances to fix what is wrong before having to result to any punishment. By managing him this way, we rarely have problems with his behavior or grades or his respect for others, nor has there been an need for some physical adjustment for about 5 years now.
Rules of our home
- Respect your elders and they will respect you
- Respect yourself - don't be a follower and or some sheep - set an example
- Compassion for others but don't take any BS from anyone
- Take care of your mental lists (am I missing anything before leaving - do I have my homework - backpack-snowpants etc)
- Do your chores and clean up after yourself everywhere (bedroom-kitchen-bathroom)
Reagan has done extremely will with these tiny things to use to help manage his responsibilities. By my being consistent about it since he was able to understand it, I have a wonderful 11 year that I couldnt be more proud of.
We ask them to do better all of the time. Parents need to do better as well.
