Facebook Parenting: For the Troubled Teen

[Cajuncowboy]

I referred to temperament as "introverted and extroverted". (see Briggs-Meyer) I noted that, just beyond where you snipped my quote.

Your temperament and what I was referring to are two different things. My point is introverted people never become extroverted people. (and vise versa)

Again, this statement is patently wrong. When I was in elementary school I was extremely shy. I couldn't even get in front of my class to give a speech. I even failed an assignment because I wouldn't get in front of the class. I always kept to myself or a very few friends.

That changed after I got to Jr. High. I came out of my shell and became more of an extrovert. I ended up in H.S. enjoying being the center of attention and today I give presentations and speeches in front of large corporations. As a matter of fact, I even enjoy it.

 

[YosemiteSam]

Couldn't be more wrong. First you don't know that they are "Constantly embarrassing" her. As far as you or anyone else knows, this is the first this father has done that.

Second, THAT IS teaching them to respect you. If they feel they can run all over you with no consequence you will have no obedience and no respect.

Third, I feared my dad and he was the person I most admired in life.

And finally, if the child acted in a way that was publicly embarrassing to you and it seems like this wasn't the first time it happened, then if she gets a little red faced over it in front of her friends so be it. I highly doubt she is going to be scarred for life over it.

People make way too much of this kind of thing in today's world. Too many people have been baffled with psycho babble and think they are all Sigmund Freud where the truth is, the parent generally knows the best way to handle their kids.

I don't care what you say. What he did was beyond freaking stupid. He disrespected the hell out of his daughter. You think that is okay? Did your parents not teach you "two wrongs don't make a right"?

That guy is straight up idiot and there is no debating that. Come on, shooting a laptop with handgun on video to show to her friends?

Get freaking real! That was childish and redneck hillbilly ignorant.

 

[YosemiteSam]

Again, this statement is patently wrong. When I was in elementary school I was extremely shy. I couldn't even get in front of my class to give a speech. I even failed an assignment because I wouldn't get in front of the class. I always kept to myself or a very few friends.

That changed after I got to Jr. High. I came out of my shell and became more of an extrovert. I ended up in H.S. enjoying being the center of attention and today I give presentations and speeches in front of large corporations. As a matter of fact, I even enjoy it.

You are attempting to discuss a subject you don't not quite understand.

Shy != Introverted. They are two different things.

Shyness is fear of socializing. Introversion is a lack of interest in socializing. You can be a shy introvert, but you can be a shy extrovert too.

 

[Cajuncowboy]

I don't care what you say. What he did was beyond freaking stupid. He disrespected the hell out of his daughter. You think that is okay? Did your parents not teach you "two wrongs don't make a right"?

That guy is straight up idiot and there is no debating that. Come on, shooting a laptop with handgun on video to show to her friends?

Get freaking real! That was childish and redneck hillbilly ignorant.

Well it would have to be wrong for there to be two wrongs and it wasn't. Further, since she is 15 she owns nothing and that laptop was his unless SHE bought it. From the sounds of things, she didn't. Further, if it straightens the daughter out, it was money well spent. And who are you or any of us for that matter to judge the parent? You are not in the house. You were not there for the previous episode(s) of disrespect and disobedience.

You show an extreme lack of tolerance and a high degree of piousness by calling it a Redneck hillbilly ignorant especially when you have so little knowledge of the situation.

 

[Cajuncowboy]

You are attempting to discuss a subject you don't not quite understand.

Shy != Introverted. They are two different things.

Shyness is fear of socializing. Introversion is a lack of interest in socializing. You can be a shy introvert, but you can be a shy extrovert too.

Oh no. I had zero interest in socializing when I was a kid. But I was also shy. Either way, people do change. It's just insane to think people don't. Either way, it's all psycho babble anyway. In the end, it ll amounts to the same thing.

 

[YosemiteSam]

Well it would have to be wrong for there to be two wrongs and it wasn't. Further, since she is 15 she owns nothing and that laptop was his unless SHE bought it. From the sounds of things, she didn't. Further, if it straightens the daughter out, it was money well spent. And who are you or any of us for that matter to judge the parent? You are not in the house. You were not there for the previous episode(s) of disrespect and disobedience.

You show an extreme lack of tolerance and a high degree of piousness by calling it a Redneck hillbilly ignorant especially when you have so little knowledge of the situation.

Who am I to judge? I'm a parent. A parent that doesn't preconceive what is right, but sits down and thinks about how to best handle something. A parent that learns about parenting more every day. Learns when he makes a mistake and when something works for the best.

I do know enough to know that humiliating your child in front of the entire world is hillbilly redneck ignorant. PERIOD.

 

[YosemiteSam]

Oh no. I had zero interest in socializing when I was a kid. But I was also shy. Either way, people do change. It's just insane to think people don't. Either way, it's all psycho babble anyway. In the end, it ll amounts to the same thing.

Again. No people do not. Inversion and Extroversion are temperaments that people are born with and it never changes. Not only that, the way the brain physically processes thoughts is different. The synaptic pathways take different routes in introverted vs extroverted people. They have brain scans that show this. All this is well documented.

EDIT: You (everyone) should check out the Briggs / Meyer test. There is over 100 years of study of introversion and extroversion in it.

I am an Briggs / Meyer type: INTJ.

List of all B/M Types The test above will tell you what you are.

 

[Cajuncowboy]

Who am I to judge? I'm a parent. A parent that doesn't preconceive what is right, but sits down and thinks about how to best handle something. A parent that learns about parenting more every day. Learns when he makes a mistake and when something works for the best.

I do know enough to know that humiliating your child in front of the entire world is hillbilly redneck ignorant. PERIOD.

You are A parent. Not this kid's parent. And that makes you unqualified to judge. You only have a few minutes of a you tube video. You don't know what you are talking about. And this isn't going to hurt the kid. It is going to teach her a lesson. A hard one, but a lesson nonetheless.

 

[Cajuncowboy]

Again. No people do not. Inversion and Extroversion are temperaments that people are born with and it never changes. Not only that, the way the brain physically processes thoughts is different. The synaptic pathways take different routes in introverted vs extroverted people. They have brain scans that show this. All this is well documented.

EDIT: You (everyone) should check out the Briggs / Meyer test. There is over 100 years of study of introversion and extroversion in it.

I am an Briggs / Meyer type: INTJ.

List of all B/M Types The test above will tell you what you are.

More Psycho babble. Means nothing for the most part. I know I changed and so did others on this board. I think your 100 years of study by so called science can go right in there with some of the other junk science we are now finding out to be untrue.


We are just going to have to agree to disagree on this. I understand parenting one way and you another. If you are happy with the way your kids are turning out then you are doing the right thing for your kids. I know I am with mine and most of the time, it all works out ok.

 

[Hoofbite]

I think the video is pretty funny. Just as a video, that is.

The guy's a moron on a number of different levels though.

If you watch the video, he links his Facebook post of it.

Here's the commentary attached to the video.

Parents and Kids... watch.
Today was probably the most disappointing day of my life as a father and I don't know how to correct the situation. Since I can't seem to make any headway with my daughter on Facebook, I chose instead to remedy the problem permanently.

Here's the problem. Trying to use Facebook to make "headway". Complete failure as a parent. How about you make "headway" in a one-on-one conversation.

Here's the other problem. ALL TEENAGERS feel like they are asked to do more than they should be. Some kids have problems with it, like this girl. Hell, I hated taking out the trash. Hated every damn second of it and I hated mowing the yard because I had to move a ton of gardening crap and other stuff around before I could even start the mower. But I did it. I probably *****ed every second of the way but I did it. And after I moved out and my parents didn't ask my little brother to mow the yard or help with chores at all really, I really got pissed. But, I was young and stupid.

Find me one teenager who's jacked to come home and do chores when they want to be out hanging with friends. The problem is multiplied when they have friends who's parents don't ask them of much. The satisfaction you should get as a parent is that when the time comes for your kid to move out on their own, they will be more responsible and when they actually figure out how much work goes into living by themselves, they'll be appreciative of the fact that did comparatively very little.

Secondly, I think the girl is right in some of her letter. Having chores is one thing, responding to someone's every whim and being their waitress is another. Doing chores is about learning responsibility and contributing to the household. How the hell does getting this guy coffee do either of those things? It's a petty request that shouldn't be made. It's completely unjustified and easily avoidable. She's also right in suggesting that he should clean up any mud he drags into the house. This may not be a regular occurrence, and it doesn't have to be, but I would bet it happened at least once and for anyone who is trying to instill responsibility into their child, once is one time too many.

He however is right in that she needs to the do the chores that are reasonable and asked of her. Cleaning up after oneself, making your own bed and a couple of tasks in the kitchen isn't too much to ask.

It's a complete overreaction to typical teenage behavior that is propagated from a parent who has little to no clue on how to be a parent. Hell, I'm not even a parent and I can see it plain as day. Anyone trying to parent through Facebook is a piss poor parent.

At least he's honest though in saying,

I don't know how to correct the situation.

No, you really don't pal. And that's why the situation is where it is at right now and that's why it will continue down the path it's on. You don't know what you are doing.

Some of the commentary on the situation is a little ridiculous. I mean, suggesting this could lead to suicide is a bit a much. It wouldn't be this one incident that would lead to that. From what he know, he's an ******* and an ill-equipped parent not a malicious child abuser who beats the hell out of his kids if they don't listen.

He truly thinks his style of parenting is effective and it's not. He's strict without justification in certain situations and has no means of communicating if the lines of communication are broken. If he were actually give some decent advice, he'd probably find that his current way sucks.

And here's one last thing. She posted that without intending on him viewing it. She did so deliberately. Some things you aren't entitled to view and if you do view them you definitely aren't entitled to retaliate. A rant post would qualify, IMO. She isn't threatening anyone harm, she's just venting frustration towards inadequate parenting tactics. I wonder what trouble any child would get in if their parents had a transcript of all the things said under their breath or amongst friends. What he should have done was read the post and try to sit down and talk with his daughter in a non-confronting manner. Find common ground. Now, she's probably lost all trust in this guy and he's left with his thumb in his *** over some ridiculous overreaction.

The video should be titled, "What not to do as a parent".

 

[Khartun]

Here's the problem. Trying to use Facebook to make "headway". Complete failure as a parent. How about you make "headway" in a one-on-one conversation.

I could be read differently as in he hasn't made headway with his daughter on the subject of facebook. Not literally on facebook.

 

[Hoofbite]

I could be read differently as in he hasn't made headway with his daughter on the subject of facebook. Not literally on facebook.

Good call, and after reading it again you may be right.

 

[Cajuncowboy]

I think the video is pretty funny. Just as a video, that is.

The guy's a moron on a number of different levels though.

If you watch the video, he links his Facebook post of it.

Here's the commentary attached to the video.



Here's the problem. Trying to use Facebook to make "headway". Complete failure as a parent. How about you make "headway" in a one-on-one conversation.

Here's the other problem. ALL TEENAGERS feel like they are asked to do more than they should be. Some kids have problems with it, like this girl. Hell, I hated taking out the trash. Hated every damn second of it and I hated mowing the yard because I had to move a ton of gardening crap and other stuff around before I could even start the mower. But I did it. I probably *****ed every second of the way but I did it. And after I moved out and my parents didn't ask my little brother to mow the yard or help with chores at all really, I really got pissed. But, I was young and stupid.

Find me one teenager who's jacked to come home and do chores when they want to be out hanging with friends. The problem is multiplied when they have friends who's parents don't ask them of much. The satisfaction you should get as a parent is that when the time comes for your kid to move out on their own, they will be more responsible and when they actually figure out how much work goes into living by themselves, they'll be appreciative of the fact that did comparatively very little.

Secondly, I think the girl is right in some of her letter. Having chores is one thing, responding to someone's every whim and being their waitress is another. Doing chores is about learning responsibility and contributing to the household. How the hell does getting this guy coffee do either of those things? It's a petty request that shouldn't be made. It's completely unjustified and easily avoidable. She's also right in suggesting that he should clean up any mud he drags into the house. This may not be a regular occurrence, and it doesn't have to be, but I would bet it happened at least once and for anyone who is trying to instill responsibility into their child, once is one time too many.

He however is right in that she needs to the do the chores that are reasonable and asked of her. Cleaning up after oneself, making your own bed and a couple of tasks in the kitchen isn't too much to ask.

It's a complete overreaction to typical teenage behavior that is propagated from a parent who has little to no clue on how to be a parent. Hell, I'm not even a parent and I can see it plain as day. Anyone trying to parent through Facebook is a piss poor parent.

At least he's honest though in saying,



No, you really don't pal. And that's why the situation is where it is at right now and that's why it will continue down the path it's on. You don't know what you are doing.

Some of the commentary on the situation is a little ridiculous. I mean, suggesting this could lead to suicide is a bit a much. It wouldn't be this one incident that would lead to that. From what he know, he's an ******* and an ill-equipped parent not a malicious child abuser who beats the hell out of his kids if they don't listen.

He truly thinks his style of parenting is effective and it's not. He's strict without justification in certain situations and has no means of communicating if the lines of communication are broken. If he were actually give some decent advice, he'd probably find that his current way sucks.

And here's one last thing. She posted that without intending on him viewing it. She did so deliberately. Some things you aren't entitled to view and if you do view them you definitely aren't entitled to retaliate. A rant post would qualify, IMO. She isn't threatening anyone harm, she's just venting frustration towards inadequate parenting tactics. I wonder what trouble any child would get in if their parents had a transcript of all the things said under their breath or amongst friends. What he should have done was read the post and try to sit down and talk with his daughter in a non-confronting manner. Find common ground. Now, she's probably lost all trust in this guy and he's left with his thumb in his *** over some ridiculous overreaction.

The video should be titled, "What not to do as a parent".

Oh please. She's 15. She's obviously out of control. She already doesn't like the fact she has chores so she goes on FB and berates her dad for making her do chores. Getting embarrassed isn't going to scar this kid. No if he beat her that would be another thing. I have given my kids spankings and that worked fine, but I would nev er beat a kid and would never think it's ok to do so. So in this situation the dad obviously has tried other ways to resolve the issue but it didn't work. Now he did this. If it works great, if not, then she is going to find other consequences.

Kids have to understand there are consequences to your actions. Otherwise they end up being adults who don't there there are consequences to their actions and they end up in a much worse place than being grounded without a laptop.

 

[Cajuncowboy]

Good call, and after reading it again you may be right.

I agree with Amarillo as well. I don't think he was trying to negotiate punishment through the site, just using it as a tool to get her attention since the other actions didn't work.

 

[YosemiteSam]

I think the video is pretty funny. Just as a video, that is.

The guy's a moron on a number of different levels though.

If you watch the video, he links his Facebook post of it.

Here's the commentary attached to the video.



Here's the problem. Trying to use Facebook to make "headway". Complete failure as a parent. How about you make "headway" in a one-on-one conversation.

Here's the other problem. ALL TEENAGERS feel like they are asked to do more than they should be. Some kids have problems with it, like this girl. Hell, I hated taking out the trash. Hated every damn second of it and I hated mowing the yard because I had to move a ton of gardening crap and other stuff around before I could even start the mower. But I did it. I probably *****ed every second of the way but I did it. And after I moved out and my parents didn't ask my little brother to mow the yard or help with chores at all really, I really got pissed. But, I was young and stupid.

Find me one teenager who's jacked to come home and do chores when they want to be out hanging with friends. The problem is multiplied when they have friends who's parents don't ask them of much. The satisfaction you should get as a parent is that when the time comes for your kid to move out on their own, they will be more responsible and when they actually figure out how much work goes into living by themselves, they'll be appreciative of the fact that did comparatively very little.

Secondly, I think the girl is right in some of her letter. Having chores is one thing, responding to someone's every whim and being their waitress is another. Doing chores is about learning responsibility and contributing to the household. How the hell does getting this guy coffee do either of those things? It's a petty request that shouldn't be made. It's completely unjustified and easily avoidable. She's also right in suggesting that he should clean up any mud he drags into the house. This may not be a regular occurrence, and it doesn't have to be, but I would bet it happened at least once and for anyone who is trying to instill responsibility into their child, once is one time too many.

He however is right in that she needs to the do the chores that are reasonable and asked of her. Cleaning up after oneself, making your own bed and a couple of tasks in the kitchen isn't too much to ask.

It's a complete overreaction to typical teenage behavior that is propagated from a parent who has little to no clue on how to be a parent. Hell, I'm not even a parent and I can see it plain as day. Anyone trying to parent through Facebook is a piss poor parent.

At least he's honest though in saying,



No, you really don't pal. And that's why the situation is where it is at right now and that's why it will continue down the path it's on. You don't know what you are doing.

Some of the commentary on the situation is a little ridiculous. I mean, suggesting this could lead to suicide is a bit a much. It wouldn't be this one incident that would lead to that. From what he know, he's an ******* and an ill-equipped parent not a malicious child abuser who beats the hell out of his kids if they don't listen.

He truly thinks his style of parenting is effective and it's not. He's strict without justification in certain situations and has no means of communicating if the lines of communication are broken. If he were actually give some decent advice, he'd probably find that his current way sucks.

And here's one last thing. She posted that without intending on him viewing it. She did so deliberately. Some things you aren't entitled to view and if you do view them you definitely aren't entitled to retaliate. A rant post would qualify, IMO. She isn't threatening anyone harm, she's just venting frustration towards inadequate parenting tactics. I wonder what trouble any child would get in if their parents had a transcript of all the things said under their breath or amongst friends. What he should have done was read the post and try to sit down and talk with his daughter in a non-confronting manner. Find common ground. Now, she's probably lost all trust in this guy and he's left with his thumb in his *** over some ridiculous overreaction.

The video should be titled, "What not to do as a parent".

Excellent post Hoof.

 

[Hoofbite]

Oh please. She's 15. She's obviously out of control. She already doesn't like the fact she has chores so she goes on FB and berates her dad for making her do chores. Getting embarrassed isn't going to scar this kid. No if he beat her that would be another thing. I have given my kids spankings and that worked fine, but I would nev er beat a kid and would never think it's ok to do so. So in this situation the dad obviously has tried other ways to resolve the issue but it didn't work. Now he did this. If it works great, if not, then she is going to find other consequences.

Kids have to understand there are consequences to your actions. Otherwise they end up being adults who don't there there are consequences to their actions and they end up in a much worse place than being grounded without a laptop.

Ranting on Facebook is worthy of consequences?

And I can almost guarantee this won't "work". It may temper her actions in the future but that's only a solution for the parent. She'll just be more secretive with her *****ing and resent the hell out of him for it.

I think instead of looking for consequences, this guy should start looking for compromises.

Isn't that how relationships work? Given and take?

You can't bundling parenting into some "one size fits all" package. What works for one parent, could be a complete failure for another.

I'd bet you anything this guy subscribes to the philosophy of, "my dad was a son of a ***** to me growin up and I turned out all right, so that's how I'm gonna do things".

 

[Cajuncowboy]

Ranting on Facebook is worthy of consequences?

And I can almost guarantee this won't "work". It may temper her actions in the future but that's only a solution for the parent. She'll just be more secretive with her *****ing and resent the hell out of him for it.

I think instead of looking for consequences, this guy should start looking for compromises.

Isn't that how relationships work? Given and take?

You can't bundling parenting into some "one size fits all" package. What works for one parent, could be a complete failure for another.

I'd bet you anything this guy subscribes to the philosophy of, "my dad was a son of a ***** to me growin up and I turned out all right, so that's how I'm gonna do things".

No! You don't compromise on right and wrong. This isn't about something that is innocuous like spending too much time on the computer. This is outright, blatant disrespect and disobedience.

No, you do not compromise your values. There are some real truths in this world and if you teach them to compromise in one area, they will end up doing that in others. And that is where they get into trouble.

Example.

Value-Don't do drugs. Compromise-Only do pot since it's less dangerous than Beer.

Value- Only do pot. Compromise- Only do pot at home so you don't get into trouble.

Value- Only do pot at home. Compromise-Since you are home, you can do drugs.

Value-you can do drugs at home. Compromise- You can do drugs at a friend's home.

Value- You can do drugs at a friend's home. Compromise- Since you can do friends at a friends home, you can do a little harder drug than pot.

It's just better to not compromise to start with.

 

[rkell87]

I could be read differently as in he hasn't made headway with his daughter on the subject of facebook. Not literally on facebook.

this is how i read it too

 

[jwitten82]

More Psycho babble. Means nothing for the most part. I know I changed and so did others on this board. I think your 100 years of study by so called science can go right in there with some of the other junk science we are now finding out to be untrue.


We are just going to have to agree to disagree on this. I understand parenting one way and you another. If you are happy with the way your kids are turning out then you are doing the right thing for your kids. I know I am with mine and most of the time, it all works out ok.

What junk science is that?

 

[Cajuncowboy]

What junk science is that?

It will turn political if I answer and it isn't allowed on this forum. I think everyone knows what I am talking about when I say Junk Science.