I am choking

[Shunpike]

I think I messed up big time.

And I can't talk to my friends or family about it and it is killing me. The moment I open my mouth, I am in trouble

My wife and kids are on vacation overseas. And I was on a business trip. Me and my colleague got drunk and ended up kissing etc. No sex. We just messed around.

And now I feel awful. I am married for 13 years. I never cheated on my wife and kissed another girl or anything.

I feel like I have to tell her and apologize, on the other hand I am afraid of her reaction. What if she divorces me.

I am a mess.

I was sober up until a few days. Opened up a bottle of wine and started drinking,

I feel like ****. Man this is hard. I feel like choking,. Please tell me a few good things.

Please don't judge me. I know I messed up and I hate myself right now.

 

[CanadianCowboysFan]

Ok, calm down and don't do anything stupid. You didn't have sex so tell yourself you didn't cheat.

You need to forgive yourself. Probably the majority of married people have done what you did at some point.

Don't tell your wife or anyone about it, not worth the hassle. I assume there is no way she will find out unless your colleague does something stupid or someone else you know saw. You will have to carry this to your grave.

If you are messed up over it, fine, you need to deal with it but why ruin her life too?

 

[RoyTheHammer]

Ok, calm down and don't do anything stupid. You didn't have sex so tell yourself you didn't cheat.

You need to forgive yourself. Probably the majority of married people have done what you did at some point.

Don't tell your wife or anyone about it, not worth the hassle. I assume there is no way she will find out unless your colleague does something stupid or someone else you know saw. You will have to carry this to your grave.

If you are messed up over it, fine, you need to deal with it but why ruin her life too?

..and this is why you don't come to a message board for advice on these kinds of things.

 

[CanadianCowboysFan]

..and this is why you don't come to a message board for advice on these kinds of things.

Well mouth, what would you tell him to do?

 

[Shunpike]

Guys. Please don;t judge me. Again. Not proud of what I did. The reason I came to this board is because none of you know me or my wife. Whatever I say here won't come back and hurt me.

I opened up and need your advice. Please don't judge. Please

 

[Shunpike]

..and this is why you don't come to a message board for advice on these kinds of things.

All my friends know my wife. if I tell any of them, my wife will know. I want to be the one telling her not my friends wife or girlfriends. I can't embarrass my wife. This is like a dark theater. Just voices. No faces.

 

[Gemini Dolly]

Tell her what happened.

 

[RoyTheHammer]

All my friends know my wife. if I tell any of them, my wife will know. I want to be the one telling her not my friends wife or girlfriends. I can't embarrass my wife. This is like a dark theater. Just voices. No faces.

Until the cell phones start lighting up..

Seriously though, you just answered your own question. You want to be the one telling her, so you know what you have to do.

 

[RoyTheHammer]

Well mouth, what would you tell him to do?

I would tell him to do what he thinks is right, meat.

 

[Shunpike]

Roy

What if she divorces me. I will not survive. I love her. I really love her. She is the love of my life. Man I feel like ****.

 

[CanadianCowboysFan]

Guys. Please don;t judge me. Again. Not proud of what I did. The reason I came to this board is because none of you know me or my wife. Whatever I say here won't come back and hurt me.

I opened up and need your advice. Please don't judge. Please

I'm not judging you in the least. Who am I or anyone here to judge you on what happened. May he who is without sin cast the first stone.

It seems to me that telling her could lead to a nightmare. At best, you end up having to go through marriage counselling, getting ripped apart by her, cut off sexually from wife until she feels she wants to again given the horrible thing you did (in her mind). At worst, she wants a divorce (unlikely). Mid ground is that she demands you quit your job because you won't be able to work with that other woman anymore. I know this much, she will NEVER let you go on a bus trip with colleague again. She will always be suspicious of her.

Safest route for you, if no one else knows, is say nothing.

 

[CanadianCowboysFan]

I would tell him to do what he thinks is right, meat.

A nice cop out. He asked for advice, not for you tell him to do what he wants to do.

 

[RoyTheHammer]

Roy

What if she divorces me. I will not survive. I love her. I really love her. She is the love of my life. Man I feel like ****.

I don't like trying to give advice because im just a man. Not a marraige counselor or anything of the like. If you really want my honest, objective opinion though, my feelings are, if you love her as much as you say you do, as hard as it may be for you because you know the consequences, you have to take responsibility for your actions and show her the respect she deserves by coming clean and being honest with her about what happened. Tell her how sorry you are and how broken up you've been inside since it happened, but the only way to have a happy, healthy relationship, imo.. is to be completely honest and open with your partner.

Again, if you love her that much.. you know she deserves to know the truth. You'd deserve the same if the situation was reversed.

 

[Gemini Dolly]

I'm not judging you in the least. Who am I or anyone here to judge you on what happened. May he who is without sin cast the first stone.

It seems to me that telling her could lead to a nightmare. At best, you end up having to go through marriage counselling, getting ripped apart by her, cut off sexually from wife until she feels she wants to again given the horrible thing you did (in her mind). At worst, she wants a divorce (unlikely). Mid ground is that she demands you quit your job because you won't be able to work with that other woman anymore. I know this much, she will NEVER let you go on a bus trip with colleague again. She will always be suspicious of her.

Safest route for you, if no one else knows, is say nothing.

But remember, this involves another person too. What if that person tells someone and then it gets out. Its best if comes from him. Its very hard to keep something like this inside without it eating you alive.

 

[RoyTheHammer]

A nice cop out. He asked for advice, not for you tell him to do what he wants to do.

Im glad you don't agree with the advice i chose, because i don't agree with your logic anyway. It'd be weird if you did understand.

Realistically though, it doesn't matter what any of us say, he will ultimately do what he feels is right in his heart.

 

[TheCowboy]

You could probably care less about my opinion but I would definitely tell her. I don't know your wife obviously but I don't think it was serious enough to warrant a divorce. That's going overboard. If you tell her what's real and how you really feel I think she would be taken back at first but would forgive you.

On the other side I don't think I could hold such a thing to myself. I feel like I would have to tell someone. That is something I don't want on my shoulders for the rest of my life.

 

[DFWJC]

Any other country and they would be asking "I don't get it, did you drink your wife's wine or wreck her car while she was gone? Exactly what did you do?" lol

Seriously, I'm totally faithful to my wife, but compared to the stuff I hear on a weekly basis of all the "real" cheating going on out there (from men and women alike) you are a borderline saint.

I'm with Roy though...this has to be your call.
The questions always to ask are 1)would you be telling her to make yourself feel better 2) is such a minor offense worth possibly wrecking a good thing and 3) can you live with yourself and not tell?
Only you can answer that.

At least you didn't use AshelyMadison. That is mind-bogling that that website is so popular.

 

[jobberone]

Your call. I wouldn't mention it. You got drunk and disinhibited and kissed someone. If you tell her then you should ask yourself if she's going to think that's it. If she's going to start wondering if there is more to it then I'd keep quiet. You didn't cheat on your wife. You got stupid drunk and kissed a girl. If she asks you then you are honest. I wouldn't burden her with this very small thing esp if it is going to blow up. Still it's your call. Just be sure your guilty conscience doesn't dig you a hole you'll have trouble getting out of and/or cause trouble for your wife way out of proportion to the act itself. And stop kissing other women AND getting drunk.

 

[CowboyMcCoy]

I'm not in the don't tell crowd. I would tell her and say you made a mistake. Maybe say she wanted to have sex, but you realized it was wrong and stopped it.

If you're a man at all, you'll tell her and own up to it.

 

[RoyTheHammer]

Your call. I wouldn't mention it. You got drunk and disinhibited and kissed someone. If you tell her then you should ask yourself if she's going to think that's it. If she's going to start wondering if there is more to it then I'd keep quiet. You didn't cheat on your wife. You got stupid drunk and kissed a girl. If she asks you then you are honest. I wouldn't burden her with this very small thing esp if it is going to blow up. Still it's your call. Just be sure your guilty conscience doesn't dig you a hole you'll have trouble getting out of and/or cause trouble for your wife way out of proportion to the act itself. And stop kissing other women AND getting drunk.

Its not like he just gave some other woman a peck on the cheek. They made out, they "fooled around".. if some of you don't think that is pretty much cheating, im pretty shocked to hear that. I really think if he's this broken up over it, clearly he knows in his heart that it was cheating and something that wouldn't be fair to keep from her. Not to mention its obviously eating him up inside to not tell her. Would be tough to continue to try to live feeling that way, imo.