It was late at the office when she walked in

[LittleBoyBlue]

I read the first sentence and quit. Sorry.

Kudos to you.. I stopped before I got to the period

 

[CowboyWay]

I thought it was damn good Gimme.

 

[notherbob]

OK, I'll admit it. I liked it. I thought it was creative and amusing. Much better than some homerism or troll tripe.

 

[Jarv]

Sounds like a Greg Ellis hangover there bro.

 

[Mansta54]

I read the first sentence and quit. Sorry.

Me too!!!

 

[lcharles]

The Dame is right about our defense. :laugh2:

 

[GimmeTheBall!]

Sounds like a Greg Ellis hangover there bro.

I see your man crush over Ellis has not abated.
Take my advice and go back to your sweetie. At least she can cook for you. Greg can only baby sit you.

You can untwist them now and go back to your Popular Mechanics.

 

[GimmeTheBall!]

The Dame is right about our defense. :laugh2:

WHAT???
That dame is dizzy, I tell you!!!

 

[GimmeTheBall!]

I read the first sentence and quit. Sorry.

Don't be sorry.
I went to junior ocollge and kin learn you to read!!!
Stick with me, danggy.

If you will excuse me I have dames to romance and mysteries to solve.
Stella slugged someone at the boxing match last night and she is cooling her heels and her gams in the county lockup.

Lissen, junior, go to the nearest bookstore -- in your case 80 miles up the road -- and get the "I Can Read" primer. I and Stella (soon as she bails out) will be over to learn you to read for more than one sentence. I drink rye. Have it ready. Stella likes that fancy coffee they sell at the Safeway.

 

[Angus]

I knew she was trouble the way she wore that throwback jersey that read: R. White

I stubbed out my Philip Moreees cigarette and fixed my eyes on her through the haze of cigarette smoke. Then I took a drink of rye and took her in like a long drink of Ya-Hoo chocolate drink, the kind that sticks to your ribs and causes your mom to remark how hard it is to get the stain out of my JC Penny cotton dress shirt
She was a blonde. Dressed in Red. I saw that she was breathin' heavy, maybe for me or maybe for those three flights of stairs in the W. Wright Chester Building where I hang my hat

It was hot and humid that day so I had taken off my suspenders that glow in the dark in case some card shark or Italian boy from the famiglia in the East Coast takes me for a ride and they find me face down like a mackeral in Mrs. O'Donnell's Fish Market on a Friday afteroon. Glow in the darks make it easy to find my body at night.
But to get back to my story, see, this dame she was no ordinary dame. I could see she was class. From her Dillards brand of dress to her Kohls' sensible shoes she wore. SMU, I guessed. Probably old money. Her father likely a banker from Omaha; her mother a society dame from Irving, Texas.
Her lips were crimson, like The Kitchen's eyes after an all nighter at the White House. Her hair was mussed, making her look like a Rita Hayworth or that broad from the game show Password.
She opened her mouth and told me her name was Zelda.
Yeah, some SMU dame with a banker father from Omaha and a society mother from Irving who lunches with the Bowling League crowd and who antiques on Saturday mornings with her aunt Bess, is named Zelda?
OK, so I played along.

"Whadda ya want and make it snappy because Route 66 is on the TV in 10 minutes and Todd Stiles is about to sell that corvette so he can buy an arm for a police buddy he ran over while speeding with that Maharis guy

So this Zelda tells me that she adores Randy White, the manster.
And she's been a Cowboy fan since 1957. Right then and there I knew she was lying. No women were football fans in the '50s.

"What's your real game, Gams" I said in that Mannix voice of mine.
"I am worried that our Cowboys secondary is as porous as the topsoil in Irving" she said.
"The Cowboys can't seem to pressure the QB and Newman cant be the lone rock in the secondary. Roy is just too slow!"
She started sobbing. "Dames!" i said as I handed her my napkins from Taco Bueno.
"No soap, Sis. Lissen and lissen good," I told her as I grabbed her from where she sat, swung her across the room by her hand and then she came to rest in my arms.

"Our problems don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy mixed up world," I said in the Casablanca dialect known only the Vichy Government minor bureaucrats and Dead Sea smugglers.
"Yes," she sobbed, "I just can't stand to see how hard Tony works to make us great and the defense keeps letting the others score time after time to make it close."
I couldn't take it no more so I shook her by the shoulders to bring her to her senses."
"Get ahold of yourself, Sister!" "You know the defense just almost held the lousy Jets to nuthing and still you aren't happy?"
"They are like 30th in offense!!!" she screamed. At that moment she knew I was not her ally. She had no more use for me. She was SMU and I was junior college private investigator and refrigeration certified. I knew she would try to do me in.
Then the room started spinning. I knew she had put a Mickey in my rye and probably one in my fried balogna sandwhich I had bought at the gas station.
I watched her run off into the night, shouting how one day our "work in progress" defense would let us down in the playoffs.

It took a while to regain my senses.
Crazy dame, I thought to myself as I slugged down one more rye and took some brilliantine from the can to slick down my hair to go into the night.
You can't live with them, you can't live without them.
Forget the Route 66 episode where Tood buys the arm and Maharis gets probation. It would have to wait until Artie Mangum from the flea market could invent the Betamax. Stella was waiting for me at the boxing match. I had to show. It was raining and the steets in Deep El were slick. A cab stopped and then took me where more trouble likely awaited, though Stella would cover me cause she was packing heat and lots of perfume.

Bravo!! I am impressed!! You are good at that! Keep it up. (Better at that than some other things, but, anyway, Bravo!)

I enjoyed it.

 

[GimmeTheBall!]

Bravo!! I am impressed!! You are good at that! Keep it up. (Better at that than some other things, but, anyway, Bravo!)

I enjoyed it.

I am touched. No, Angus it's not just something in my eye. it's that mace the gals keep spraying on my face...

I guess the rest of the critics have to be older than 15 to aperciate it.

TY, my literary friend.

 

[GimmeTheBall!]

My question still stands.

No, your cowlick still stands.

 

[DallasDW00ds0n]

im lost, i give up

 

[tomson75]

im lost, i give up

Watch out DW, he'll berate you for your improperly punctuated sentence fragments!

....and then he'll call you illiterate! OH NOES!!

 

[Kangaroo]

I picked a bad day to stop sniffing glue.

Here is a perfect song for you then (Yes that is a Ramones song)

Lyrics for: Now I Wanna Sniff Some Glue Now I wanna sniff some glue
Now I wanna have somethin' to do
All the kids wanna sniff some glue
All the kids want somethin' to do.

Now I wanna sniff some glue
Now I wanna have somethin' to do
All the kids wanna sniff some glue
All the kids want somethin' to do.

Now I wanna sniff some glue
Now I wanna have somethin' to do
All the kids wanna sniff some glue
All the kids want somethin' to do.

 

[superpunk]

Watch out DW, he'll berate you for your improperly punctuated sentence fragments!

....and then he'll call you illiterate! OH NOES!!

You'd almost have to be illiterate to read this garbage.

It seems like it should be an interesting premise, but it is disjointed, difficult to read and there is no payoff for wading through it.

Next time, maybe just start a thread that says "Oh no, I'm worried about our secondary!" instead of attempting to get your wit across in feeble, long-winded.....I'm not even sure there's a word for what "this" is. Someone earlier said "parody", but I don't think that's it. It's unfortunate that the author deluded himself into thinking that it was clever, or we might have avoided his ritual of attempting to insult the intelligence of anyone who doesn't think this tripe is funny, or has a point.

 

[Scotman]

You guys are harsh.

I enjoy the film noir writing style.

 

[bbgun]

You'd almost have to be illiterate to read this garbage.

It seems like it should be an interesting premise, but it is disjointed, difficult to read and there is no payoff for wading through it.

You sound like the TA who graded my senior thesis.

 

[bbgun]

You guys are harsh.

I enjoy the film noir writing style.

All that's missing is Lauren Bacall and a great set of "gams."

 

[CowboyJeff]

Me thinks Robert Downey Jr is wearing his Wonder Woman outfit again!!!