Long Distance Relationships

[danielofthesaints]

Zoners, have any of you been in one? No matter if it lasted or didn't, do you have any advice on them? I am in one (Dallas-Detroit), and it is going really well but I still could use any advice. Thanks

 

[Meat-O-Rama]

I married my long distance girl friend. We both moved back home after college. Her to Los Angeles and me to Phoenix. We would drive or fly out to see each other once every few months. Other than that we talked by phone mostly.(pre cell phone and texting)

My advice? Talk to her every day. Real human to human conversation. Not text, not email. (though those are fine in addition) If you're not going to be available to talk, let her know in advance. Make your time with her as important as if she was in the same city with you. You've got great tools at your disposal like skype that will allow you to video chat for free, use them. Visit in person as much as possible. Meet in between if you have to. Those are the major points I'd emphasize.

 

[CowboyMcCoy]

They don't work from my experience.

 

[danielofthesaints]

I married my long distance girl friend. We both moved back home after college. Her to Los Angeles and me to Phoenix. We would drive or fly out to see each other once every few months. Other than that we talked by phone mostly.(pre cell phone and texting)

My advice? Talk to her every day. Real human to human conversation. Not text, not email. (though those are fine in addition) If you're not going to be available to talk, let her know in advance. Make your time with her as important as if she was in the same city with you. You've got great tools at your disposal like skype that will allow you to video chat for free, use them. Visit in person as much as possible. Meet in between if you have to. Those are the major points I'd emphasize.

Awesome. So was the relationship long distance throughout the 4 years of college? Thanks for the advice.

 

[danielofthesaints]

They don't work from my experience.

From your experience, why didn't it work? I could use this as advice as well. Thanks

 

[Cythim]

Zoners, have any of you been in one? No matter if it lasted or didn't, do you have any advice on them? I am in one (Dallas-Detroit), and it is going really well but I still could use any advice. Thanks

My wife and I did it for about 4 years (before we were married). We had rough patches but made it through. I would go visit her whenever I could and we talked daily as well. We usually talked just before bed and when she started getting sleepy I would just start rambling softly until she fell asleep. I would say some of the most cheesily romantic things because eventually I love you can become something you just say. We would send messages back and forth throughout the day but it can be hard to remember she is living her own life and might not be able to return a message right away. It is doable but both people must be committed to the relationship, I had another girlfriend who couldn't last three weeks away.

 

[danielofthesaints]

My wife and I did it for about 4 years (before we were married). We had rough patches but made it through. I would go visit her whenever I could and we talked daily as well. We usually talked just before bed and when she started getting sleepy I would just start rambling softly until she fell asleep. I would say some of the most cheesily romantic things because eventually I love you can become something you just say. We would send messages back and forth throughout the day but it can be hard to remember she is living her own life and might not be able to return a message right away. It is doable but both people must be committed to the relationship, I had another girlfriend who couldn't last three weeks away.

How far were you two away from each other? How did you make it through the rough patches? I gain more respect everyday for those who have successfully made it through a LDR because it definitely isnt the easiest of all relationships. Thanks for the advice

 

[Yakuza Rich]

From your experience, why didn't it work? I could use this as advice as well. Thanks

Alcohol doesn't help.

Plus you kinda get disillusioned by it.





YR

 

[Meat-O-Rama]

No we met while we were in school, and were together for about a year. Then we did the long distance thing for a couple of years.

 

[Cythim]

How far were you two away from each other? How did you make it through the rough patches? I gain more respect everyday for those who have successfully made it through a LDR because it definitely isnt the easiest of all relationships. Thanks for the advice

She was in Portland, OR the entire time and I bounced from Virginia to South Korea to Idaho. I was making good money so the plane tickets and phone charges were not a big deal for me. For the rough patches it was just keep talking and try to understand the situation from the other person's point of view. The best thing we did for our relationship was play World of Warcraft together. It was something we could do together and talk about when there was nothing else. It isn't for everyone, but finding something like that to do together over long distance would probably be good for the relationship.

 

[VietCowboy]

I've been a several long distance, 2 ended in failure (duh!) and I'm currently in one but I see him most weekends (3 hours apart). We gchat/skype everyday, and some days it can be only 15 minutes if one of us has a lot to do, on other days, it can be 2 hours.

With my previous LD, I would say the one thing that made it fail was I started feeling resentful that it was one-sided. I was paying for the plane tickets to go see him, and always the one calling, not the other way around. The first one bought me a tiffany bracelet for an anniversary even though he knew that I did not care for jewelry and I never wore it. In my current relationship (2+ years, about 9 months LD right now), we take turns driving to see each other, and he makes a lot of effort to call me, cook for me, and we take turns paying for meals out, movies, etc. So, it's more equitable. I will be abroad for a year from summer 2013 - summer 2014, so that will definitely test our relationship.

 

[realtick]

I once had a long distance relationship. Depending on the traffic, it took me about 25-30 minutes to get to her house.

Never again.

 

[Cajuncowboy]

Long distance relationships?

Well, I HATE AT&T.

 

[Cajuncowboy]

I will be abroad for a year from summer 2013 - summer 2014, so that will definitely test our relationship.

Just for a year? Brainpaint's been a broad for many years now. He got a job as the bearded lady in the circus.








Back atcha BP!

 

[Hoofbite]

Depends on length. Short term can work, longer likely not to. I went through it once, didn't work.

Honestly, there's no advice anyone can really give you to make it work.

Every relationship is different.

I would offer you this though. Expect the worst, hope for the best and thank your lucky stars if you get through it and make it work.

 

[The30YardSlant]

I did it for four months during undergrad and that was only because she graduated a semester before me and went back home for a teaching job. I hated it, but we had already been together three years and were engaged so we made it work for the limited amount of time we knew it would be.

Personally, I feel like a relationship that isn't based around physically spending time with someone will ultimately fail. Short term is doable if you are already close, long term almost always ends poorly.

 

[casmith07]

I was in one my first couple of years at the military academy. It ended, but it's definitely something that's possible if you have money to travel and are willing to put forth the effort.

 

[YosemiteSam]

I met my wife at a Dallas Mavericks game in 2003. (she has NBA connections, and my company sponsored the Mavericks) She is from NY and obviously at the time I lived in D/FW.

We kept in touch (almost daily) and I happen to be traveling to NY once a month on business. When I went to NY she would always come see me and we would hangout or whatever.

We got closer and closer and one month I had to work in Chicago instead of NY. She flew to Chicago and we hung out. (that's when I knew it was getting serious)

Anyhow. Around Oct 2004 she said I should move to NY. I laughed and we talked about it. On December 3rd 2004 I applied for a job in NY that I thought was interesting. I got it, resigned my position in Dallas and set my last day to be New Years Eve 2004 and started my new job Monday Jan. 10th, 2005 in New York.

I married my wife on a beach on August 19th 2007 in Grand Cayman, Cayman Islands.

Can it work out? Yes it can. Though that isn't always the case.

 

[YosemiteSam]

I was in one my first couple of years at the military academy. It ended, but it's definitely something that's possible if you have money to travel and are willing to put forth the effort.

This!

My company paid my travel and that is what made it possible.

 

[Bigdog]

My wife and I did it for three years. We were on the opposite ends of the state at that time going to school. It was tough but also a blessing in that when we saw each other were not getting bored with each other if she was there every day. Some of my friends saw there girlfiends everyday and there relationships did not last. If was meant to be then it will work itself out.