Longtime Girfriend Is Moving Away

[ethiostar]

:laugh2: We'll I can say this. I am very dedicated on making the relationship work so I guess you can only wait and see, right?

How long have you two been together? and how old are you, both?

 

[NeonDeion21]

How long have you two been together? and how old are you, both?

We are both 20. We have been dating for 3 years now.

 

[Stautner]

We are both 20. We have been dating for 3 years now.

Hate to be the pessimist, but being so young, and having so little life experience to begin with, and having never experienced life's opportunites up to this point (much less the endless opportunities going forward) independent of a relationship that affects every decision, it is highly likely that both you and she will see a lot of new doors open, and be exposed to and become interested in a lot of new things that don't mesh with the other person. Maintaining the same feeling you have now through all that over 5 years with little time to grow together will be very tough. Heck, after 5 years neither of you will be in the same place in your lives you are now, and your maturity levels will have changed, your interests will have changed, your attitudes about a lot of things will have changed - and all those changes will be independent of the other, and its likely that neither of you will really realize it until something happens that hits you over the head with reality.

 

[jnday]

Hate to be the pessimist, but being so young, and having so little life experience to begin with, and having never experienced life's opportunites up to this point (much less the endless opportunities going forward) independent of a relationship that affects every decision, it is highly likely that both you and she will see a lot of new doors open, and be exposed to and become interested in a lot of new things that don't mesh with the other person. Maintaining the same feeling you have now through all that over 5 years with little time to grow together will be very tough. Heck, after 5 years neither of you will be in the same place in your lives you are now, and your maturity levels will have changed, your interests will have changed, your attitudes about a lot of things will have changed - and all those changes will be independent of the other, and its likely that neither of you will really realize it until something happens that hits you over the head with reality.

Words of wisdom.

 

[DFWJC]

We are both 20. We have been dating for 3 years now.

Most here may be overlooking the possibilty that you two have pretty strong life-style choices. Just a hunch seeing that she is going on so many mission trip at such an early age....you are very possibly both very strong Christians. That and the fact that you have already been together since you were 17 ups your odds of survival some.

It's still going to be tough...like everyone is saying. But if you're not planning (or wanting) to play the field some, you have a better shot than most.

 

[NeonDeion21]

Most here may be overlooking the possibilty that you two have pretty strong life-style choices. Just a hunch seeing that she is going on so many mission trip at such an early age....you are very possibly both very strong Christians. That and the fact that you have already been together since you were 17 ups your odds of survival some.

It's still going to be tough...like everyone is saying. But if you're not planning (or wanting) to play the field some, you have a better shot than most.

Very true. That is the main reason I believe it can work.

 

[ethiostar]

We are both 20. We have been dating for 3 years now.

No one can tell you how things will turn out. But relationships are often very hard to maintain, even harder when you don't see each other that often. There are many ways this can unfold, that's the beauty of life.

Because of the distance, you may grow apart but then again you may not (it might actually make you appreciate each other more). One or both of you might decide to go your way but then again may come back to each other at a later time.

The only advice i can give you is to keep communicating and to be honest with each other and with yourselves.

In the meantime, when she is away, focus on yourself and engage in productive things in your own life. Exercise, connect with family and friends, focus on school, do some volunteer work, start hobbies that you've always wanted to get into, etc....

Good luck.

 

[Dallas]

Most here may be overlooking the possibilty that you two have pretty strong life-style choices. Just a hunch seeing that she is going on so many mission trip at such an early age....you are very possibly both very strong Christians. That and the fact that you have already been together since you were 17 ups your odds of survival some.

It's still going to be tough...like everyone is saying. But if you're not planning (or wanting) to play the field some, you have a better shot than most.

Or we don't wish to get into discussion about the whole religious perspective since it is against site policy?

Some of us have enough warnings from Paint and WG, thank you very much.

 

[DFWJC]

No one can tell you how things will turn out. But relationships are often very hard to maintain, even harder when you don't see each other that often. There are many ways this can unfold, that's the beauty of life.

Because of the distance, you may grow apart but then again you may not (it might actually make you appreciate each other more). One or both of you might decide to go your way but then again may come back to each other at a later time.

The only advice i can give you is to keep communicating and to be honest with each other and with yourselves.

In the meantime, when she is away, focus on yourself and engage in productive things in your own life. Exercise, connect with family and friends, focus on school, do some volunteer work, start hobbies that you've always wanted to get into, etc....

Good luck.

Really solid advice right there.

 

[DFWJC]

Or we don't wish to get into discussion about the whole religious perspective since it is against site policy?

Some of us have enough warnings from Paint and WG, thank you very much.

You have a point.

OK, time for me to find a good sport thread.
Cheers

 

[Hostile]

Sigh. My girlfriend is going away for 5 months at a time for the next few years. She will be back for a few months, then she will go again for mission trips.

Any suggestions on how to handle the distance and to pass the time?

"Distance is to love as Oxygen is to fire. It kindles the great, it extinguishes the small."

I wish you all the luck in the world on this.

 

[VietCowboy]

Over 5 years?

No offense but you watch to many movies. Give him your honest success rate of a situation like this.

I would say 80-20 it doesn't work. Im sorry, I get tired of hearing people not being realistic about relationships. A partner in a situation like this knowing that it most likely won't work out, wouldnt put themselves in the situation in the first place for it not to if they truly wanted it to work out.

He only asked how to deal with the distance, not whether or not he thinks they'll work it out.

My college best friend got together with her boyfriend 2 weeks before leaving for college. She is from Washington State, and we went to college in NY. She would go home for breaks, so she would see him max 3 months in the summer, 5 weeks during the winter, 1 week for fall break, and 1 week for Spring break. They were only on the same location for 1 year after college. Currently she is living in San Jose, CA while he is working in Texas. They are still going very strong after close to 8 years of long distance.

They made it work because of a constant stream of communication, phone calls, webcam/skype, and making the best use of their time when they are together.

Distance will be an added stress to a relationship, but it won't necessarily break a good one. With the way most of my peers are, we rarely know what and WHERE our future will be, but that doesn't prevent us from entering into committed relationships. If a part of our life entails living apart, we will face the reality. Some will make it, some won't, I can't comment on that because every relationship is different.

 

[Hostile]

One last thing. Women stay loyal to their soldiers for long periods of time.

They can do it but we as men can't? Says something about our gender doesn't it?

 

[Stautner]

Most here may be overlooking the possibilty that you two have pretty strong life-style choices. Just a hunch seeing that she is going on so many mission trip at such an early age....you are very possibly both very strong Christians. That and the fact that you have already been together since you were 17 ups your odds of survival some.

It's still going to be tough...like everyone is saying. But if you're not planning (or wanting) to play the field some, you have a better shot than most.

This is a fair point, and something I did give some thought to. Still, I think people in that situation have to be careful that they aren't committed to the idea of being committed, or committed to the notion of being a strong Christian, when the reality is that even if life takes the two in different directions it doesn't mean either failed in their commitment or failed as a Christian. Life is a growth process and an evolution, if that takes them in separate directions that's okay. Even the most deveout and well-intentioned person can find that commitments made at such a young age don't really fit with where life takes them.

 

[Dallas]

He only asked how to deal with the distance, not whether or not he thinks they'll work it out.

My college best friend got together with her boyfriend 2 weeks before leaving for college. She is from Washington State, and we went to college in NY. She would go home for breaks, so she would see him max 3 months in the summer, 5 weeks during the winter, 1 week for fall break, and 1 week for Spring break. They were only on the same location for 1 year after college. Currently she is living in San Jose, CA while he is working in Texas. They are still going very strong after close to 8 years of long distance.

They made it work because of a constant stream of communication, phone calls, webcam/skype, and making the best use of their time when they are together.

Distance will be an added stress to a relationship, but it won't necessarily break a good one. With the way most of my peers are, we rarely know what and WHERE our future will be, but that doesn't prevent us from entering into committed relationships. If a part of our life entails living apart, we will face the reality. Some will make it, some won't, I can't comment on that because every relationship is different.

I understand your meaning now. I guess I used my situation moreso than maybe I should have, and wished someone would have been a bit more honest w/ me when I went through something like this.

To many "If it's meant to be then it will work" comments I think. I believed that and put a ton of time and energy into it only to have it all dissolve away within the first 6 months.

The internet will help and if the 2 are committed there is always a chance. I guess making sure you know the other person is fully committed would help and only he or she will know that.

Best of luck to the author of the thread.

Skype your butt's off.


That is all

 

[Dallas]

One last thing. Women stay loyal to their soldiers for long periods of time.

They can do it but we as men can't? Says something about our gender doesn't it?

Shoes on the other foot w/ me. Men can do it. I tried to do it. As VC said, all situations and people are different. You can't genderize these issues.

I also have numerous friends from the gulf war and Afganistan who's girls didn't stay loyal, so let's not act like that its automatic that girls are the ones and only ones who are loyal.


The stories I could tell you.

 

[Stautner]

One last thing. Women stay loyal to their soldiers for long periods of time.

They can do it but we as men can't? Says something about our gender doesn't it?

While I suppose it is true that women are more likely to stay true, it isn't really a blanket thing. Wives, and especially girlfriends, of deployed soldiers stray all the time.

The thing is, if the couple in question was older and had experienced more of life I would give them better odds because they would have a better grasp on the pitfalls and would have already experienced much of life, but being so young, and with their lives so early in their maturation and evolutionary processes, I think it's much more difficult. At 20 years old there is still a lot that a person's eyes have not opened to, both good and bad. I used to roll my eyes at my Dad for talking like that, but being the age I am now, and having the benefit of hindsight, I can understand how much lies ahead for a 20 year old that they have no idea about, or how it will affect their lives.

 

[Hostile]

Shoes on the other foot w/ me. Men can do it. I tried to do it. As VC said, all situations and people are different. You can't genderize these issues.

I also have numerous friends from the gulf war and Afganistan who's girls didn't stay loyal, so let's not act like that its automatic that girls are the ones and only ones who are loyal.


The stories I could tell you.

I know plenty of them too. I'll focus on the heroes who do, whether they are men or women. I know stories of men being gone for years and the love not dying.

 

[WV Cowboy]

Sigh. My girlfriend is going away for 5 months at a time for the next few years. She will be back for a few months, then she will go again for mission trips.

Any suggestions on how to handle the distance and to pass the time?

Can you go on any of the trips?

None of us are guaranteed tomorrow, .. if you love her and she loves you, .. be together.

My wife and I started dating when she was 16 and I was 17. I just turned 57 yesterday.

We had a long distance relationship for two years when we were 19 or 20 or so, .. but nothing like you are talking about. We saw each other every week or two.

For as long a seperation as you are talking about, I would check into going where she is.

Like I said, no one knows the future, if she is the one, don't let her get away. Do whatever it takes to be together. I can't think of much worse than not being with "the one".

 

[Dallas]

I know plenty of them too. I'll focus on the heroes who do, whether they are men or women. I know stories of men being gone for years and the love not dying.

I understand that but it isn't fair how you brought it across in that post. You basically genderized US being the "men" as the ones who can't stay loyal to our girls and that isn't fair at all, unless I took that completely out of context.

If so my bad.