My good friend's ex, what is your verdict?

[kskboys]

Owes him? Not necessarily.

Hey, when you go into a relationship/marriage, you are putting you and what you have into it. Everyone has been in a relationship where they gave a lot, and mostly you simply know it's not something you can get back.

In this case, it's just time for him to move on. This is just the nature of relationships. Get drunk and find you someone, whether it's longer or shorter term. Dwelling and fighting in court and such only prolongs the agony. You'll spend way more time, effort, and emotions on it than the worth of any cash rewards you'll get.

 

[Runwildboys]

Owes him? Not necessarily.

Hey, when you go into a relationship/marriage, you are putting you and what you have into it. Everyone has been in a relationship where they gave a lot, and mostly you simply know it's not something you can get back.

In this case, it's just time for him to move on. This is just the nature of relationships. Get drunk and find you someone, whether it's longer or shorter term. Dwelling and fighting in court and such only prolongs the agony. You'll spend way more time, effort, and emotions on it than the worth of any cash rewards you'll get.

It depends. If she was genuinely in the relationship and they grew apart, then yes, fighting in court is foolish. But if it was a marriage if convenience for her, then she owes him for giving her the means to make a better life for herself, while sacrificing his own quality of life

 

[lukin2006]

Good luck to your friend. This absolutely would suck. Unfortunately there are evil people willing to take advantage of other folks good nature and generosity…

 

[Creeper]

Without having lived with these two people to know them well enough to judge them I will say if a person falls out of love with another person it is pointless to fight it. It happens. Whatever her reasons for falling out of love he has to respect them and move on. No words from anyone are going to make her fall in love with him again. Her desire to better her life is not a fault. Neither is him wanting the status quo. But they are very different and incompatible goals. If she were to stay in that marriage she would be miserable and make his life miserable too. Luckily they have no kids to fight over. And give him some divorce advice. Don't waste time fighting over little stuff because that will make the divorce very expensive. Put the emotions aside and make a fair division of property. I don't know how old they are but he can still find a woman who is more suitable to his lifestyle.

But I would note in your description of the situation it sounds like he put conditions are their relationship in the beginning. "Just keep the place clean and tidy, and cook meals for them.". It's not the 1950s. I would argue that kind of life is not enough for many people these days. It is a dull life devoid of enjoyment. In the end it was not enough for her and I can understand that.

 

[Reverend Conehead]

Without having lived with these two people to know them well enough to judge them I will say if a person falls out of love with another person it is pointless to fight it. It happens. Whatever her reasons for falling out of love he has to respect them and move on. No words from anyone are going to make her fall in love with him again. Her desire to better her life is not a fault. Neither is him wanting the status quo. But they are very different and incompatible goals. If she were to stay in that marriage she would be miserable and make his life miserable too. Luckily they have no kids to fight over. And give him some divorce advice. Don't waste time fighting over little stuff because that will make the divorce very expensive. Put the emotions aside and make a fair division of property. I don't know how old they are but he can still find a woman who is more suitable to his lifestyle.

But I would note in your description of the situation it sounds like he put conditions are their relationship in the beginning. "Just keep the place clean and tidy, and cook meals for them.". It's not the 1950s. I would argue that kind of life is not enough for many people these days. It is a dull life devoid of enjoyment. In the end it was not enough for her and I can understand that.

I would believe maybe he boxed her in as a housewife, except that he encouraged her to follow her dreams to become a lawyer. He even paid for her law school. You would think the least thing she could do is pay him back for law school. She can afford it now. Her not doing that tells me that she was just using him. She got together with him and never had any intention of staying.

 

[Reverend Conehead]

Talked with him at length last night. He has an opinion now that I find disturbing, not because he's bad, but because I wonder if it's true. He says that women are incapable of loving men, and that they simply latch onto someone who has money, but as soon as he doesn't have money anymore -- or as soon as she makes more than him, she has instincts that kick in and destroy whatever feelings she may have had for him. In short, he now claims that any woman on Earth would dump you based on economics alone. You MUST provide for her, and earn more than her, or all desire to be with you is destroyed.

That theory sounds really harsh to me, and maybe it's just his bitterness talking, but crap, what if that's really true? If that turns out to be true, I'm placing my order for a silicone sex doll.

 

[DallasEast]

I would believe maybe he boxed her in as a housewife, except that he encouraged her to follow her dreams to become a lawyer. He even paid for her law school. You would think the least thing she could do is pay him back for law school. She can afford it now. Her not doing that tells me that she was just using him. She got together with him and never had any intention of staying.

Divorce can reimburse him financially after paying for her education. It sounds like his attorney could mount a serious argument for getting his money back based on what has been said those far. Of course, she could fight the obligation in court but it is also possible she would comply willingly if her current income is sound.

Does he want his money back? Or does he want to wallow in regret? Those are relevant questions for him to put his past behind him where it belongs and embrace his future in an emotionally healthy way.

 

[Reverend Conehead]

Divorce can reimburse him financially after paying for her education. It sounds like his attorney could mount a serious argument for getting his money back based on what has been said those far. Of course, she could fight the obligation in court but it is also possible she would comply willingly if her current income is sound.

Does he want his money back? Or does he want to wallow in regret? Those are relevant questions for him to put his past behind him where it belongs and embrace his future in an emotionally healthy way.

I'll ask those questions if I can catch him sober.

 

[DallasEast]

Talked with him at length last night. He has an opinion now that I find disturbing, not because he's bad, but because I wonder if it's true. He says that women are incapable of loving men, and that they simply latch onto someone who has money, but as soon as he doesn't have money anymore -- or as soon as she makes more than him, she has instincts that kick in and destroy whatever feelings she may have had for him. In short, he now claims that any woman on Earth would dump you based on economics alone. You MUST provide for her, and earn more than her, or all desire to be with you is destroyed.

That theory sounds really harsh to me, and maybe it's just his bitterness talking, but crap, what if that's really true? If that turns out to be true, I'm placing my order for a silicone sex doll.

The one thing that has always held true for humans is that the vast majority of generalizations conceived by us are always wrong. Growing up, my parents told my brother, sister and me that we were born with brains. Use them. Think smart.

I believe we all face generalization traps sometime during our lives. Sometimes innocently. Sometimes seriously. People are individuals. We think the same way as others and we think differently from others. We are all individuals. Traits of good, evil and everything in-between are embedded within us all.

Blaming sexuality unilaterally has always been a trap of one's on design. You should advise your friend to not ensnare himself within a falsehood. It is not healthy.

 

[Reverend Conehead]

The one thing that has always held true for humans is that the vast majority of generalizations conceived by us are always wrong. Growing up, my parents told my brother, sister and me that we were born with brains. Use them. Think smart.

I believe we all face generalization traps sometime during our lives. Sometimes innocently. Sometimes seriously. People are individuals. We think the same way as others and we think differently from others. We are all individuals. Traits of good, evil and everything in-between are embedded within us all.

Blaming sexuality unilaterally has always been a trap of one's one design. You should advise your friend to not ensnare himself within a falsehood. It is not healthy.

Thanks. Hopefully, it was just the bitterness talking, and he'll snap out of it.

 

[DallasEast]

Thanks. Hopefully, it was just the bitterness talking, and he'll snap out of it.

Let's hope so. There have always been things in the world no one can control that trigger all sorts of negative emotions. Anger. Sadness. Fear. Loneliness. Just a few that lead to dark places. It is vitally important trying to control what we can in our lives to avoid walking down miserable paths.

 

[Reverend Conehead]

Let's hope so. There have always been things in the world no one can control that trigger all sorts of negative emotions. Anger. Sadness. Fear. Loneliness. Just a few that lead to dark places. It is vitally important trying to control what we can in our lives to avoid walking down miserable paths.

I can tell you I had a horrible breakup that destroyed me. It just kept bothering me year after year. I finally just completely forgave her, and now I'm better. It took me 25 years, and even after that time, it was hard to forgive. But I did, and it was worth it. I did it for my own peace of mind, not for her, though she was glad to hear from me.

 

[kskboys]

Talked with him at length last night. He has an opinion now that I find disturbing, not because he's bad, but because I wonder if it's true. He says that women are incapable of loving men, and that they simply latch onto someone who has money, but as soon as he doesn't have money anymore -- or as soon as she makes more than him, she has instincts that kick in and destroy whatever feelings she may have had for him. In short, he now claims that any woman on Earth would dump you based on economics alone. You MUST provide for her, and earn more than her, or all desire to be with you is destroyed.

That theory sounds really harsh to me, and maybe it's just his bitterness talking, but crap, what if that's really true? If that turns out to be true, I'm placing my order for a silicone sex doll.

There are women like that. And men also, for that matter. Next time, he should watch for the signs much more closely. They are always there, you just have to pay attention.

 

[jsb357]

I don't want to sound too harsh and I really can't comment because it would be deemed
too political and against forum rules however for every story like that there is one
about the stripper that paid her husband’s way through medical school and once he
got his PhD he divorced her.

 

[Sammy]

I don't want to sound too harsh and I really can't comment because it would be deemed
too political and against forum rules however for every story like that there is one
about the stripper that paid her husband’s way through medical school and once he
got his PhD he divorced her.

Betty Broderick paid her husband's way through med school and law school while raising a few children. Then he left her for some arm candy. That didn't turn out well for either of them.

All he had to do was give her a fair divorce settlement, but from what I've read, since he was a lawyer and well-known in that circle, she wasn't even able to hire a good divorce lawyer. They all turned her down.

 

[Reverend Conehead]

I don't want to sound too harsh and I really can't comment because it would be deemed
too political and against forum rules however for every story like that there is one
about the stripper that paid her husband’s way through medical school and once he
got his PhD he divorced her.

That's fair. There are men who do similar betrayals to their wives. I also saw a program about predatory men who find lonely women past their prime and defraud them out of their money. They'll be a good boyfriend for a while and establish trust, and then use that trust to wipe them out. They'll get some banking info, and then take as much money out as possible, the whole thing if they can, and then just bail. People like that are rotten.

 

[Creeper]

I would believe maybe he boxed her in as a housewife, except that he encouraged her to follow her dreams to become a lawyer. He even paid for her law school. You would think the least thing she could do is pay him back for law school. She can afford it now. Her not doing that tells me that she was just using him. She got together with him and never had any intention of staying.

One spouse paying for the education of another spouse, only to have the educated spouse choose divorce after obtaining a degree is not that uncommon. It happens all the time. He will need a divorce lawyer anyway so it is a question he can ask his lawyer after the lawyer has all the details of their marriage. My point was and is if the lawyer says he thinks it would be a waste of time to pursue that money, then drop it. Forget the principle and emotions and move on. It sounds like she was a housewife for a few years before going to law school and then she worked as a lawyer for some time before asking for a divorce. I think that makes his argument that she used him for money a little weaker.

They had no kids so this divorce could be quick and painless if they avoid fighting over principles and retribution. But even a simple divorce can turn into an expensive "War of the Roses" if the two parties choose to let anger and resentment dictate their legal strategy.

I have to ask a sensitive question. Is there another man involved? Does he think maybe she hooked up with someone she was working with? My first divorce lawyer told me when clients come to his office there is almost always a 3rd person involved. I doesn't change anything in most states as far as the legal case, but if could both party's view of the divorce. Seeking punishment or retribution/retaliation is the mistake a lot of people make.

 

[DFWJC]

No one should put another person inside a mental box of their creation. He should not have thought she should be a housewife. She should not have thought he should make a lifelong obligation of taking care of her.

...............................

He paid her way through Law School

 

[Creeper]

Talked with him at length last night. He has an opinion now that I find disturbing, not because he's bad, but because I wonder if it's true. He says that women are incapable of loving men, and that they simply latch onto someone who has money, but as soon as he doesn't have money anymore -- or as soon as she makes more than him, she has instincts that kick in and destroy whatever feelings she may have had for him. In short, he now claims that any woman on Earth would dump you based on economics alone. You MUST provide for her, and earn more than her, or all desire to be with you is destroyed.

That theory sounds really harsh to me, and maybe it's just his bitterness talking, but crap, what if that's really true? If that turns out to be true, I'm placing my order for a silicone sex doll.

I have no doubt women view a man's money the way a man views a woman's looks. How many rich ugly guys wind up with beautiful women? Fame, power, and fortune are a turn on for many women. I think it is because women are looking for security for themselves and their children. It is instinctive. Just my sick theory. But this does not mean a woman cannot love a man. She just might have different reasons for feeling love. And yes, these women who seek money would dump a guy on economics alone. But let's not think some men are not just a superficial. Guys have left their wives because they got fat, or had a breast reduction.

But your friend is in the early stages of mourning so he is not thinking rationally right now. Let's start with the fact that he is not making that much money that women would seek him out to take it. He will not listen to reason right now but in time he will realize there are a lot of good women out there and once he drops the resentment and anger he will be able to go find one. The woman he married just was not the right one for him. getting a divorce is like mourning a death. People go through all the same stages of mourning.

 

[Runwildboys]

Without having lived with these two people to know them well enough to judge them I will say if a person falls out of love with another person it is pointless to fight it. It happens. Whatever her reasons for falling out of love he has to respect them and move on. No words from anyone are going to make her fall in love with him again. Her desire to better her life is not a fault. Neither is him wanting the status quo. But they are very different and incompatible goals. If she were to stay in that marriage she would be miserable and make his life miserable too. Luckily they have no kids to fight over. And give him some divorce advice. Don't waste time fighting over little stuff because that will make the divorce very expensive. Put the emotions aside and make a fair division of property. I don't know how old they are but he can still find a woman who is more suitable to his lifestyle.

But I would note in your description of the situation it sounds like he put conditions are their relationship in the beginning. "Just keep the place clean and tidy, and cook meals for them.". It's not the 1950s. I would argue that kind of life is not enough for many people these days. It is a dull life devoid of enjoyment. In the end it was not enough for her and I can understand that.

I think those were probably just the "conditions" for her staying home without a job, and him taking care of her. Can't say I'd blame him for expecting that, if he was the only one working.