My life is tough

[Reverend Conehead]

• I bought a book about getting well organized, but I can't find it.
• I bought a book about how to improve your memory, but I forgot where I put it.
• Three months ago, I bought a book online about how to scam people online, but I still haven't received it.
• I got a tattoo that reads, "no regrets." Now I really regret getting it.

 

[Runwildboys]

If it helps, I started a misanthropy based church.

You're welcome to join, just do it from your own friggin' house.

 

[nobody]

If it helps, I started a misanthropy based church.

You're welcome to join, just do it from your own friggin' house.

I was going to create the procrastinators branch of your church, but I haven't gotten around to it yet.

 

[Runwildboys]

I was going to create the procrastinators branch of your church, but I haven't gotten around to it yet.

I don't care.

 

[Pass2Run]

I sell no soliciting signs, door to door.

 

[SlammedZero]

I signed up for a time management seminar, but I keep rescheduling it.

 

[gtb1943]

I applied for a cattle crossing guard position but my pet wolf ate the cow so I was considered unqualified

 

[Reverend Conehead]

• I downloaded a mindfulness app, but I was too distracted to open it.
• I subscribed to a YouTube channel about digital minimalism. Now I binge watch it for hours on end.
• I bought a book called How to Say No. I didn’t really want it, but the salesperson was pushy.
• I hired a life coach to help me take control of my life — and now I do everything he tells me to do.
• I signed up for a meditation retreat to escape stress — and spent the whole time stressed out that I wasn’t relaxing correctly.
• I took a speed reading course. Now I misunderstand books twice as fast.
• My therapist says I have trust issues, but I don't trust that scammer.

 

[Ranching]

I applied for a cattle crossing guard position but my pet wolf ate the cow so I was considered unqualified

I applied for a hater crossing guard position, but I ran them over instead. Jerry gave me the job.

 

[BrAinPaiNt]

 

[RonWashington]

I sell no soliciting signs, door to door.

 

[RonWashington]

I don’t get any respect . I told my mother in law mi casa is your casa a week later she sold it ….

 

[RonWashington]

My wife needed a vacation she says how about taking me somewhere I’ve never been before i said how about the kitchen …..Bada bing ohh

 

[Reverend Conehead]

If you have a safe, never tell anyone you have it, what's in it, or where it's located. For example, I made a huge mistake when I let slip to my neighbor that I have a safe under my staircase containing 10 million dollars worth of gold bars and I can always remember my combination because it's my birthday. Don't make the same mistake I did.

 

[RonWashington]

If you have a safe, never tell anyone you have it, what's in it, or where it's located. For example, I made a huge mistake when I let slip to my neighbor that I have a safe under my staircase containing 10 million dollars worth of gold bars and I can always remember my combination because it's my birthday. Don't make the same mistake I did.

What’s your birthday again …

 

[Reverend Conehead]

What’s your birthday again …

Oh, that's so nice of you to think so much of me that you're going to get me something. I've really got my eye on a Takamine P5NC acoustic/electric guitar. My birthday is 6/3/75. Thanks. I can't wait.

 

[Reverend Conehead]

• I signed up for a stress management class, but, on my way to my first class, I got so mad at traffic that I wigged out and crashed my car.
• I can't stand people who judge others. They're a bunch of losers and dirtbags.
• I joined a Buddhist meditation club. I'm the best meditator there. I kick their *** at achieving peace and tranquility.

 

[RonWashington]

Oh, that's so nice of you to think so much of me that you're going to get me something. I've really got my eye on a Takamine P5NC acoustic/electric guitar. My birthday is 6/3/75. Thanks. I can't wait.

Under the staircase right ? No Doberman body guards correct ?

 

[Reverend Conehead]

Under the staircase right ? No Doberman body guards correct ?

No Doberman, no. Just a Pit Bull given to me by a Marine drill sergeant who trained it.

 

[RonWashington]

No Doberman, no. Just a Pit Bull given to me by a Marine drill sergeant who trained it.