Question for married men

[CouchCoach]

The lack of trust came from a previous situation that ended up breaking the trust I had for her. At this point I'm working on getting that trust back.

That, my young friend, is one tall order and I am so thankful I never had to go through that because I would not have done well.

 

[The Fonz]

Opps I am not even married.

 

[nobody]

Unfortunately I'm the only income in the family. Knowing that the fiance knows who will be paying for the spa.

I think therein lies some of the problem. He's stuck with antiquated ideas. You and your wife are partners. I'm sure she agreed to stay home to raise your son, right? Your income is her income as well, and any income she might acquire is also yours, but her time is spent doing something just as important as earning money for the family. The fiance doesn't see it like that. He sees it as you are the only one who earns money, so it's all yours. That's a very controlling attitude for him to have and it's gonna cause them problems in the future. Like I said, just make it some sort of gift, or see if one of those places has some kind of 2 for 1 deal so the friend is getting in "free" without your paying her bill. It's a fine line, I know, but it would show whether he's just doing it because "some other guy is paying" or whether he doesn't trust her. Does he know why you want a friend to go with your wife?

 

[Runwildboys]

Opps I am not even married.

Oops. You misspelled "oops"!

 

[cwbyfn88]

I think therein lies some of the problem. He's stuck with antiquated ideas. You and your wife are partners. I'm sure she agreed to stay home to raise your son, right? Your income is her income as well, and any income she might acquire is also yours, but her time is spent doing something just as important as earning money for the family. The fiance doesn't see it like that. He sees it as you are the only one who earns money, so it's all yours. That's a very controlling attitude for him to have and it's gonna cause them problems in the future. Like I said, just make it some sort of gift, or see if one of those places has some kind of 2 for 1 deal so the friend is getting in "free" without your paying her bill. It's a fine line, I know, but it would show whether he's just doing it because "some other guy is paying" or whether he doesn't trust her. Does he know why you want a friend to go with your wife?

Yup she agreed to do it. Working while raising boys was driving her nuts. So she asked if I would be ok with it. I preferred it. It cost us more money for her to work. In the end we lost it to taxes and child care. At this point my wife is taking my brothers wife with her. Trust me her friends relationship is suffering badly I feel sorry for her.

 

[Reality]

I think therein lies some of the problem. He's stuck with antiquated ideas. You and your wife are partners. I'm sure she agreed to stay home to raise your son, right? Your income is her income as well, and any income she might acquire is also yours, but her time is spent doing something just as important as earning money for the family. The fiance doesn't see it like that. He sees it as you are the only one who earns money, so it's all yours. That's a very controlling attitude for him to have and it's gonna cause them problems in the future. Like I said, just make it some sort of gift, or see if one of those places has some kind of 2 for 1 deal so the friend is getting in "free" without your paying her bill. It's a fine line, I know, but it would show whether he's just doing it because "some other guy is paying" or whether he doesn't trust her. Does he know why you want a friend to go with your wife?

If a single guy was paying for your wife or fiance I could maybe .. and I mean .. maybe .. see it, but I agree with you. It really doesn't matter. Either the guy is very jealous or very insecure. That should be a red flag to your wife's friend honestly. She doesn't need his permission to do anything just like I doubt he ever asks for her permission to do anything he wants to do.

 

[CouchCoach]

Yup she agreed to do it. Working while raising boys was driving her nuts. So she asked if I would be ok with it. I preferred it. It cost us more money for her to work. In the end we lost it to taxes and child care. At this point my wife is taking my brothers wife with her. Trust me her friends relationship is suffering badly I feel sorry for her.

What's this guy's concern? That you are paying for it or that his fiancée with be going with your wife? And I do not mean that as it looks, I've known men that were insanely jealous of their girlfriend or wife's relationship with their female friends. Some tried to make them stop being friends with girls they'd known longer than their husbands.

My brother-in-law-law hated his wife being around my wife, her sister. My wife was a free spirit that would not be bridled and she brought that out in her sister. And it wasn't that he feared her doing anything, just the fact that he was no longer in control. He asked me one time if it didn't bother me her being so open and friendly that other men might get the wrong idea that she's flirting. I said "no, that's what made me fall in love with her and both of our trust lies in our relationship".

Jealousy is the single worst emotion any person can feel. It challenges belief and rational thinking.

 

[cwbyfn88]

If a single guy was paying for your wife or fiance I could maybe .. and I mean .. maybe .. see it, but I agree with you. It really doesn't matter. Either the guy is very jealous or very insecure. That should be a red flag to your wife's friend honestly. She doesn't need his permission to do anything just like I doubt he ever asks for her permission to do anything he wants to do.

That's a very good point! She decided not to go to keep the peace though. The reason my wife wanted to take her in the first place is because she is a mom as well. Who never gets to get out of the house. Looks like this dude is going to stay in the fiance zone with that kind of attitude

 

[CouchCoach]

If a single guy was paying for your wife or fiance I could maybe .. and I mean .. maybe .. see it, but I agree with you. It really doesn't matter. Either the guy is very jealous or very insecure. That should be a red flag to your wife's friend honestly. She doesn't need his permission to do anything just like I doubt he ever asks for her permission to do anything he wants to do.

Man, are you dead on with that. I've been around a lot of people in my life and particularly married couples and that "what's good for the goose is good for the gander" doesn't apply. Back in my day, I've actually been to strip bars with guys that had to call to make sure they knew where their girlfriend/wife was, or even both.

And you nailed it, nothing more than insecurity either within himself or the relationship.

 

[CouchCoach]

You either trust someone that you are in a relationship with or you don't. There are no levels of trust. If trust does not exist, it isn't going to end well. Because from the the lack of trust comes resentment of the one not being trusted. We do not build trust, it gets built, but we can tear it down.

 

[cwbyfn88]

What's this guy's concern? That you are paying for it or that his fiancée with be going with your wife? And I do not mean that as it looks, I've known men that were insanely jealous of their girlfriend or wife's relationship with their female friends. Some tried to make them stop being friends with girls they'd known longer than their husbands.

My brother-in-law-law hated his wife being around my wife, her sister. My wife was a free spirit that would not be bridled and she brought that out in her sister. And it wasn't that he feared her doing anything, just the fact that he was no longer in control. He asked me one time if it didn't bother me her being so open and friendly that other men might get the wrong idea that she's flirting. I said "no, that's what made me fall in love with her and both of our trust lies in our relationship".

Jealousy is the single worst emotion any person can feel. It challenges belief and rational thinking.

I can't quite pin point with this guy. I would say jealousy but I'm leaning more towards pride. And control (due to insecurity?). Or maybe all three I dunno.

 

[CouchCoach]

Opps I am not even married.

Did you forget that? Did you walk in some woman's house yelling "honey, I'm home" and hear back "I ain't honey and you ain't home".

 

[Reality]

That's a very good point! She decided not to go to keep the peace though. The reason my wife wanted to take her in the first place is because she is a mom as well. Who never gets to get out of the house. Looks like this dude is going to stay in the fiance zone with that kind of attitude

I've had friends who have given in for that very reason. The problem is that once they start doing that, the other person will start expecting it more and more. They are not married, not that it matters really, but now is the perfect time for her to set boundaries. If he breaks up with her because she won't "obey" his commands, then she just saved herself a few years of stress and possibly abuse.

 

[CouchCoach]

I can't quite pin point with this guy. I would say jealousy but I'm leaning more towards pride. And control (due to insecurity?). Or maybe all three I dunno.

Pride could be an issue. He can't afford that and thinks it's a real luxury, not a necessity, and feels somewhat emasculated with another man footing the bill. He's not looking at it as a lift for her but a downer for himself. It is selfish thinking but understandable.

I tell ya, youngster, we talk a lot about how screwed up women can be and we need to take a long look in the mirror on that one. I have had some of the strangest conversations with my male friends throughout the years about women and relationships that left me baffled and bewildered about how they arrived at that point. And I am talking about some smart guys, hell of a lot smarter than I am but they feel I have some special insight and I really don't.

Women have always fascinated me and I've had close female friends, without any even borderline "slap and tickle" involved, all of my life. And I really do think if I were a woman, I would be a lesbian. I'm not joking either. I mean I'd have to have a cute one that dressed like Stevie Nicks instead of Leo Gorcey but I could easily be a lesbian.

 

[Ranching]

I'd beat the crap outta him! Wouldn't even ask any questions. I'd picture him as Garrett, clapping away!!!

 

[CouchCoach]

I'd beat the crap outta him! Wouldn't even ask any questions. I'd picture him as Garrett, clapping away!!!

You'd be a bitter, hard spiteful woman.

 

[GMO415]

Is the guy gay?

 

[GMO415]

Deep down inside I don't fully trust her. That's why I want her to go with a friend not just by herself

Ah-Haaaa! There's a deeper issue afoot.

 

[lukin2006]

I thought the question was going be, should I get married? LOL. I answer that question anyways NO. In 2018 there is no reason to ever get married...

 

[CouchCoach]

I thought the question was going be, should I get married? LOL. I answer that question anyways NO. In 2018 there is no reason to ever get married...

lukey, now ease up. You've been through a very rough time with some scars still not healed but my man, there's nothing wrong with dancing, if you have the right partner. Just got to know when to let them lead, if you have the right one.