Son, you clearly don’t understand football. Don’t talk to us about numbers. We’ve been watching football from our recliner with a beer in our hand longer than these so called “athletes” have been alive. Hell, I’ve forgot more about football than Jaylon Smith will ever know.
I remember, back when my Pawpaw took me to see the Cowboys play in nineteen hundred and sixty eight, he pointed out Lee Roy Jordan and said “Junior, that right there is a football player”. Ever since, I’ve been able to just look at a Cowboys linebacker and know right away if they had any of Lee Roy in ‘em. Took about four seconds for Jaylon to fail the Pawpaw test.
That Jaylon may know how to sell sunglasses but he ain’t no Lee Roy Jordan, that’s for sure.
Now, I don’t care for my modern Cowboys to have any interests outside of football, especially if it involves doing “community work.” That sounds like communism. I also don’t want em tryin’ to sell anything or make much money. Now hold on, I know you may *think* that sounds like communism too but you’d be wrong. It’s called respect and leadership.
Speaking of sellin’ stuff, I don’t want to hear any nonsense about Walt Garrison sellin’ chew back while he was playing. We only kinda knew that it caused cancer and when I started packin’ a dip, I didn’t care because Walt said it would give me “pure tobacco pleasure”.
Anyway, it was different because he played for Landry and if Coach Landry was ok with it, then we’d be fools to second guess. Besides, everyone knows that Skoal Long Cut makes you more of a man than any of these new Cowboys could ever be. Well, except for The Judge, The President, General Lee, Wolf Hunter, and Fredbeard.
Damn sure Skoal will never keep you from “avoiding contact” like that sunglasses sellin’, charity contributin’, community awareness raisin’, D-Law befriendin’, Hot Boyz tweetin’, Jaylon.
If none of that convinced ya, all I can say is you ain’t been watching close enough to your tv on Sundays. You might also be a commie.
Now, let me crack open this here Budweiser and get back to watching my vhs of Super Bowl XII