What Is The Funniest Joke You Know By Heart?
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A really poor golfer was playing a particularly terrible round of golf.
His caddie was tortured watching just how bad the golfer was.
At one point the ball lay about 180 yards from the green. The golfer sized up his situation and asked his caddie, "Do you think I can get there with a 5-iron?"
The caddie replied, "Eventually."
His caddie was tortured watching just how bad the golfer was.
At one point the ball lay about 180 yards from the green. The golfer sized up his situation and asked his caddie, "Do you think I can get there with a 5-iron?"
The caddie replied, "Eventually."
SlammedZero
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What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
RUFF
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh
What does the house wear?
Address
Why did the hipster burn his mouth?
Because he ate the pizza before it was cool.
RUFF
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh
What does the house wear?
Address
Why did the hipster burn his mouth?
Because he ate the pizza before it was cool.
MWH1967
The Cook
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A lady started her golf round and shortly returned to the club house. She threw the door open and threw a club and started swearing. The golf pro approached her and ask ...."Whats wrong dear?"
She responded.... "I got stung between hole #1 and hole #2 and i'm done for the day!!!!
The pro said....."Can I give you some advice?" She said .."Fine!! What ever!!
The Pro said..."I think your stance might be a bit Too wide."
She responded.... "I got stung between hole #1 and hole #2 and i'm done for the day!!!!
The pro said....."Can I give you some advice?" She said .."Fine!! What ever!!
The Pro said..."I think your stance might be a bit Too wide."
Bigdog
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A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. He then proceeds to ask the bartender if he wants to hear a dumb jock joke. The bartender looks at him and said “Listen man. You see that guy at the end of the bar? He use to be a heavyweight boxer. And those two guys sitting over there use to play football for the NY Giants. And that guy over there was heavyweight wrestler and I letter in 3 sports at Norte Dame. Now are you sure you want to tell this dumb jock joke in this bar?” The guy takes a sip of his drink and says “Nah. I wouldn’t want to have to explain it 5 times.”
FloridaRob
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Three Preachers and their wives were headed to a convention. One Preacher was Southern Baptist, One was Methodist, and one was Presbyterian. The car got hit by a semi and all perished in the crash. The three preachers and their wives then showed up at the Pearly Gates. The Methodist Preacher and his wife met St Peter and told them how good they have been in their lives and were ready to enter the Kingdom of Heaven. St Peter said to the Methodist Preacher -no, you havent. You were so focused on getting every dollar you could from your congregation and wanted money, money so much-You even married a gal named Penny. So No you dont get in and are going to Hell.
Then the Presbyterian preacher and his wife stepped up to St Peter and told them about all the good they had done on earth and were ready to enter the Kingdome of Heaven. St Peter said No, you have been so focused on making sure you had a drink and were consumed with alcohol so much you married a gal name Sherry. So No you dont get in and are going to hell.
The Southern Baptist Preacher and his wife hearing all this then stepped foward to see St Peter. The Preacher then Paused a second, and then looked at his wife and said, "Well Fanny, We should just hit the road"
Then the Presbyterian preacher and his wife stepped up to St Peter and told them about all the good they had done on earth and were ready to enter the Kingdome of Heaven. St Peter said No, you have been so focused on making sure you had a drink and were consumed with alcohol so much you married a gal name Sherry. So No you dont get in and are going to hell.
The Southern Baptist Preacher and his wife hearing all this then stepped foward to see St Peter. The Preacher then Paused a second, and then looked at his wife and said, "Well Fanny, We should just hit the road"
Ranched
"We Are Penn State"
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Bigdog
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That’s funnyWhy can't a blonde dial 911? She can't find the eleven.
Bigdog
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100 men are at the Pearly Gates of heaven and St. Peter tells them “ All of those who were controlled by their wives stand to the right and those that control their wives stand to the left. I will be right back.” St Peter comes back and he seas 1 guy on the left and 99 men on the right. He looks at the guy on left and says “ do want to tell these guys how you did it?” The man responds “ I don’t know but wife told me when you get to the Gates of Heaven go to the left.”
triplets_93
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"Pull My Finger" ...
Creeper
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I guy with no arms walks into a bar. He sits at the bar and orders a beer. The bartender pours him a tall one and waits to see how the man is going to drink the beer when he has no arms. But the man picks the beer glass up with his teeth, tilts his head back and guzzles the entire glass without spilling a drop. Then he orders another beer. As the bartender pours him another glass the man sees two guys playing darts at the other end of the bar. He says to the dart players, "I got the winner". The two guys look at the no-armed man and chuckle then go back to paying darts.
The no armed man drinks his second beer and as he finished one of the dart players comes up to him and says. "Are you ready? I am the winner." The no armed man says, "Sure. But I am going to need some help." The dart player says "what do you need?" The man answers just pick up a dart and put it between my teeth". The man puts the dart in the no-armed man's mouth and asks "Anything else?" The man replies through his clenched teeth, "Now throw the board at my face!"
The no armed man drinks his second beer and as he finished one of the dart players comes up to him and says. "Are you ready? I am the winner." The no armed man says, "Sure. But I am going to need some help." The dart player says "what do you need?" The man answers just pick up a dart and put it between my teeth". The man puts the dart in the no-armed man's mouth and asks "Anything else?" The man replies through his clenched teeth, "Now throw the board at my face!"
Ranched
"We Are Penn State"
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A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
nobody
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lol, it's the redhead's fault since she made the first wish. She should have wished for all three to be home so the blonde couldn't screw her over. If she was friends with her, she had to know how dumb her friend was. The brunette made the same mistake.
Bigdog
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A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. He asks the bartender if he is a betting man and the bartender sure. The guy says I’ll bet you $100 I can bite my nose. Bartender said your on. Guy takes out his teeth and starts biting his nose. The bartender is upset and says that’s not fair. So the guy says ok I’ll give you chance to win your money back. I’ll bet you another $100 I can bite my eye. Bartender looks at him and says you’re on. Guy takes out his glass eye and starts to bite it. So now the bartender is upset and the guy goes ok I’ll give you one more try. I’ll bet you a $500 I can piss in that shot glass at the end of the bar. Bartender looks at the shot glass and looks at the guy and says That shot glass? That is about 50 ft away. Guy says yup that one. Bartender says your on. So the guy starts to piss all over the bar and the bartender; not even coming close to the shot glass. After he is done the bartender says see I knew you couldn’t do it. The guy just looks down at his drink and starts to laugh. The bartender looks at him and said for a guy who just lost money you seem pretty happy with yourself. The guy looks at him and says you see those two guys over there with their mouths open. Bartender says yeah. The guy responds well I bet them $10,000 each that I can piss all over this bar and all over you and there wasn’t a darn thing you’re going to do about it.