News: Zeke leaving the country?

[Praxit]

..kinda wierd, why leave the country. Just go to Florida or the keys. Catch up with the Miami Sound Machine, get some B&B and be ready to roll. There's that old saying, "wherever you go, there you are". ....

 

[Rockport]

..kinda wierd, why leave the country. Just go to Florida or the keys. Catch up with the Miami Sound Machine, get some B&B and be ready to roll. There's that old saying, "wherever you go, there you are". ....

To get away from the media.

 

[Melonfeud]

I need to pay my rent this month and I also need a little extra because I ran out of PTO and called off last week

JIMMY!!!! Get me one of them cowboys articles so I can make money

*when a feller runs outta' PTO/ power take off /OUTPUT SHAFT potential casing-liner,,,well, that signals an unenvious short oribit in life

 

[JoeKing]

Total fake news story. Zeke will be at camp.

 

[Floatyworm]

Let me try at some Jerry-Speak:

Now, uh, look here: we all support Zeke, you know? But, uh, we have this little problem - and I do mean like a tick on a squirrel about to be run over little problem with the media blowing all sorts of nothings up.
You ever fart? We all uh, we all pass gas, but do we have to announce it to the world?
Well, uh, that's, uh, that's where we've gone. People want to know everybody's gaseous passing and the smell, like it means something.
Let me be clear: uh, gas being passed can be serious, but in this case: this is just a, uh, fart in the wind and it would be wise to, uh, consider all farts in this manner.
We certainly, uh, do love Zeke, uh, and he certainly does love us so I'm not worried about anything right now.

Maybe Zeke needs this....

What happens when you drink 10 oz of Magnesium Citrate? I'm glad you asked...

12:05 pm: It's time. You shotgun a 10 oz bottle like it's a lukewarm PBR and you don't want to be a puss in front of your older brother's friends.

It's suppose to be grape flavored but it's becoming quite clear that whoever led the R&D team that day has never actually tasted anything grape in their life. You are already regretting this decision.

12:06 pm: You deep throat a cupcake like you've been saving it for the apocalypse because let's face it...that time is here. It's going to turn to liquid form before it even clears your throat but you don't care. All is right in the world at this moment. Hold on to that. You're about to enter a very dark period in your life.

12:37 pm: First sign of life. The pressure is growing. You already have 5 lbs of impacted **** in your colon and you basically just drank the "safe for humans" version of Drano. You feel a poop coming on finally. You think it's time. You're wrong. You get a little snake turd as a teaser.

Take note...this is the last semi-solid thing you will see leaving your body for the next 24 hours.

12:57 pm: That little science experiment you got cooking is about to reach it's boiling point. Your stomach is angry now. It hates you...you can feel it. You have exactly .3 seconds to make it to the nearest toilet but you can't run... NEVER run! You pray to god there is enough elasticity in your butthole to keep the gates closed 5 more steps as you start to preemptively undo your pants to save valuable time. Almost there. 3...2...1...

12:58 pm: Sweet Mary, mother of God...is this real life? Your cheeks barely hit the seat and all hell breaks loose. The schlitz/ water mixture you've just created comes out with such force that it actually sprays the back of the toilet bowl at a 45 degree angle thus deflecting it in every direction but down.

Is that blood?

False alarm.

That's just the remnants of a cherry pie you ate at Thanksgiving...when you were 5. The smell is horrid...the sound is frightening. You try to clench whats left of your hole to soften the blow but it's not working. The whole house just heard your liquid fart as it gurgled out of your ***.

1:06 pm- 8:30 pm: Everything's a blur. You have chit out everything you have ever eaten since the day you were born, everything your ancestors have ever eaten since the early 1800's, and your hole now feels like you have a flaming hot Cheeto and the tears of a thousand Jalapeno seeds stuck in it.

You're now curled up in the bathtub ugly crying because you have to remain within arm's reach of the toilet at all times. You have the poop sweats.

You meet Jesus.

8:37 pm: Your family will never be able to unsee the things they've seen in the last 8 hours.

You're broken.

Your hole is broken.

Your spirit's broken.

Life as you know it will never be the same. But...tomorrow's a new day. You're going to wake up, throw on the only remaining pair of underwear you have that doesn't have a stain on it, and you're going to run up to Target with the last shred of dignity you have left...and buy yourself a new toilet brush. You've earned it.

 

[DuncanIso]

Or this could just be the media overreacting to Zeke planning a few days of rest and relaxation before training camp.

It's the Cowboys, so no player can do anything without having drama attached to it. I've read on multiple sites that Zeke needs to report by August 6 to get credit for an "accrued" season towards free agency. So a holdout now means Dallas can retain his rights through 2021.

Zeke will report. He'd only paint himself into a corner if he doesn't.

I can think of 70 million big reasons for him to stay out of camp.

 

[Montanalo]

Cabo!

And is he wearing a ball cap backwards?

 

[cern]

Otra dia de margaritas en la playa . No me pedo. No me molestas. No me llamas hasta estan listos para muestrame el dinero. Adios. Hasta luego.

 

[AsthmaField]

Maybe Zeke needs this....

What happens when you drink 10 oz of Magnesium Citrate? I'm glad you asked...

12:05 pm: It's time. You shotgun a 10 oz bottle like it's a lukewarm PBR and you don't want to be a puss in front of your older brother's friends.

It's suppose to be grape flavored but it's becoming quite clear that whoever led the R&D team that day has never actually tasted anything grape in their life. You are already regretting this decision.

12:06 pm: You deep throat a cupcake like you've been saving it for the apocalypse because let's face it...that time is here. It's going to turn to liquid form before it even clears your throat but you don't care. All is right in the world at this moment. Hold on to that. You're about to enter a very dark period in your life.

12:37 pm: First sign of life. The pressure is growing. You already have 5 lbs of impacted **** in your colon and you basically just drank the "safe for humans" version of Drano. You feel a poop coming on finally. You think it's time. You're wrong. You get a little snake turd as a teaser.

Take note...this is the last semi-solid thing you will see leaving your body for the next 24 hours.

12:57 pm: That little science experiment you got cooking is about to reach it's boiling point. Your stomach is angry now. It hates you...you can feel it. You have exactly .3 seconds to make it to the nearest toilet but you can't run... NEVER run! You pray to god there is enough elasticity in your butthole to keep the gates closed 5 more steps as you start to preemptively undo your pants to save valuable time. Almost there. 3...2...1...

12:58 pm: Sweet Mary, mother of God...is this real life? Your cheeks barely hit the seat and all hell breaks loose. The schlitz/ water mixture you've just created comes out with such force that it actually sprays the back of the toilet bowl at a 45 degree angle thus deflecting it in every direction but down.

Is that blood?

False alarm.

That's just the remnants of a cherry pie you ate at Thanksgiving...when you were 5. The smell is horrid...the sound is frightening. You try to clench whats left of your hole to soften the blow but it's not working. The whole house just heard your liquid fart as it gurgled out of your ***.

1:06 pm- 8:30 pm: Everything's a blur. You have chit out everything you have ever eaten since the day you were born, everything your ancestors have ever eaten since the early 1800's, and your hole now feels like you have a flaming hot Cheeto and the tears of a thousand Jalapeno seeds stuck in it.

You're now curled up in the bathtub ugly crying because you have to remain within arm's reach of the toilet at all times. You have the poop sweats.

You meet Jesus.

8:37 pm: Your family will never be able to unsee the things they've seen in the last 8 hours.

You're broken.

Your hole is broken.

Your spirit's broken.

Life as you know it will never be the same. But...tomorrow's a new day. You're going to wake up, throw on the only remaining pair of underwear you have that doesn't have a stain on it, and you're going to run up to Target with the last shred of dignity you have left...and buy yourself a new toilet brush. You've earned it.

Did I just slip into an alternate reality or something?

Why TF write this?

 

[408Cowboy]

Did I just slip into an alternate reality or something?

Why TF write this?

He didn't. It's been going around FB. Now we know where he gets his ideas.

 

[ShiningStar]

Media: to get more clicks we added anoter wrinkle to the Zeke drama, hes from another planet. Stay tuned for more.

 

[ChuckA1]

NBCSports... Fake story!

 

[AsthmaField]

He didn't. It's been going around FB. Now we know where he gets his ideas.

I thought it was a tad eloquent for F. Worm.

 

[AsthmaField]

Media: to get more clicks we added anoter wrinkle to the Zeke drama, hes from another planet. Stay tuned for more.

Sources say...

 

[408Cowboy]

Media: to get more clicks we added anoter wrinkle to the Zeke drama, hes from another planet. Stay tuned for more.

I knew that head was too big

 

[ShiningStar]

I knew that head was too big

LOL great point.

 

[cern]

Maybe Zeke needs this....

What happens when you drink 10 oz of Magnesium Citrate? I'm glad you asked...

12:05 pm: It's time. You shotgun a 10 oz bottle like it's a lukewarm PBR and you don't want to be a puss in front of your older brother's friends.

It's suppose to be grape flavored but it's becoming quite clear that whoever led the R&D team that day has never actually tasted anything grape in their life. You are already regretting this decision.

12:06 pm: You deep throat a cupcake like you've been saving it for the apocalypse because let's face it...that time is here. It's going to turn to liquid form before it even clears your throat but you don't care. All is right in the world at this moment. Hold on to that. You're about to enter a very dark period in your life.

12:37 pm: First sign of life. The pressure is growing. You already have 5 lbs of impacted **** in your colon and you basically just drank the "safe for humans" version of Drano. You feel a poop coming on finally. You think it's time. You're wrong. You get a little snake turd as a teaser.

Take note...this is the last semi-solid thing you will see leaving your body for the next 24 hours.

12:57 pm: That little science experiment you got cooking is about to reach it's boiling point. Your stomach is angry now. It hates you...you can feel it. You have exactly .3 seconds to make it to the nearest toilet but you can't run... NEVER run! You pray to god there is enough elasticity in your butthole to keep the gates closed 5 more steps as you start to preemptively undo your pants to save valuable time. Almost there. 3...2...1...

12:58 pm: Sweet Mary, mother of God...is this real life? Your cheeks barely hit the seat and all hell breaks loose. The schlitz/ water mixture you've just created comes out with such force that it actually sprays the back of the toilet bowl at a 45 degree angle thus deflecting it in every direction but down.

Is that blood?

False alarm.

That's just the remnants of a cherry pie you ate at Thanksgiving...when you were 5. The smell is horrid...the sound is frightening. You try to clench whats left of your hole to soften the blow but it's not working. The whole house just heard your liquid fart as it gurgled out of your ***.

1:06 pm- 8:30 pm: Everything's a blur. You have chit out everything you have ever eaten since the day you were born, everything your ancestors have ever eaten since the early 1800's, and your hole now feels like you have a flaming hot Cheeto and the tears of a thousand Jalapeno seeds stuck in it.

You're now curled up in the bathtub ugly crying because you have to remain within arm's reach of the toilet at all times. You have the poop sweats.

You meet Jesus.

8:37 pm: Your family will never be able to unsee the things they've seen in the last 8 hours.

You're broken.

Your hole is broken.

Your spirit's broken.

Life as you know it will never be the same. But...tomorrow's a new day. You're going to wake up, throw on the only remaining pair of underwear you have that doesn't have a stain on it, and you're going to run up to Target with the last shred of dignity you have left...and buy yourself a new toilet brush. You've earned it.

Omg. I laughed my butt off as I read this. If the purpose of prose or poetry is to paint a mental image, this hits the mark.

 

[Rockport]

Maybe Zeke needs this....

What happens when you drink 10 oz of Magnesium Citrate? I'm glad you asked...

12:05 pm: It's time. You shotgun a 10 oz bottle like it's a lukewarm PBR and you don't want to be a puss in front of your older brother's friends.

It's suppose to be grape flavored but it's becoming quite clear that whoever led the R&D team that day has never actually tasted anything grape in their life. You are already regretting this decision.

12:06 pm: You deep throat a cupcake like you've been saving it for the apocalypse because let's face it...that time is here. It's going to turn to liquid form before it even clears your throat but you don't care. All is right in the world at this moment. Hold on to that. You're about to enter a very dark period in your life.

12:37 pm: First sign of life. The pressure is growing. You already have 5 lbs of impacted **** in your colon and you basically just drank the "safe for humans" version of Drano. You feel a poop coming on finally. You think it's time. You're wrong. You get a little snake turd as a teaser.

Take note...this is the last semi-solid thing you will see leaving your body for the next 24 hours.

12:57 pm: That little science experiment you got cooking is about to reach it's boiling point. Your stomach is angry now. It hates you...you can feel it. You have exactly .3 seconds to make it to the nearest toilet but you can't run... NEVER run! You pray to god there is enough elasticity in your butthole to keep the gates closed 5 more steps as you start to preemptively undo your pants to save valuable time. Almost there. 3...2...1...

12:58 pm: Sweet Mary, mother of God...is this real life? Your cheeks barely hit the seat and all hell breaks loose. The schlitz/ water mixture you've just created comes out with such force that it actually sprays the back of the toilet bowl at a 45 degree angle thus deflecting it in every direction but down.

Is that blood?

False alarm.

That's just the remnants of a cherry pie you ate at Thanksgiving...when you were 5. The smell is horrid...the sound is frightening. You try to clench whats left of your hole to soften the blow but it's not working. The whole house just heard your liquid fart as it gurgled out of your ***.

1:06 pm- 8:30 pm: Everything's a blur. You have chit out everything you have ever eaten since the day you were born, everything your ancestors have ever eaten since the early 1800's, and your hole now feels like you have a flaming hot Cheeto and the tears of a thousand Jalapeno seeds stuck in it.

You're now curled up in the bathtub ugly crying because you have to remain within arm's reach of the toilet at all times. You have the poop sweats.

You meet Jesus.

8:37 pm: Your family will never be able to unsee the things they've seen in the last 8 hours.

You're broken.

Your hole is broken.

Your spirit's broken.

Life as you know it will never be the same. But...tomorrow's a new day. You're going to wake up, throw on the only remaining pair of underwear you have that doesn't have a stain on it, and you're going to run up to Target with the last shred of dignity you have left...and buy yourself a new toilet brush. You've earned it.

You’re a sick individual.

 

[Vanilla2]

Getting your news from PFT is no better than reading the ratings from the Collinsworth rating institute of Ireland.

 

[AsthmaField]

I knew that head was too big

Damn, that was funny