Things Not to Say to a Cop or a Judge

[timb2]

Please add your own


Excuse me officer , do you know where I could buy some duct tape, some rope , and a shovel?

 

[timb2]

Hey you guys are so cool on CHIPs what the @/%* is your problem?

 

[timb2]

Your honor when they say the whole truth how far can I stretch that?

 

[CF74]

Hey you guys are so cool on CHIPs what the @/%* is your problem?

My buddy in high school dated this blonde who called some local motorcycle cops Chips to their face when she got pulled over. Not because she was being sarcastic, but because she heard so many people refer to them by that she thought it was their names.


They practically threw the book at her...

 

[timb2]

When the officer tells you to spread them , you say" I'm not that easy , I just met you".

 

[timb2]

When the officers going to put you in the back of the police squad car , say "Can I play with the siren"?

 

[Runwildboys]

I went through a spot check a few years ago, and the cop says, "Anything to drink tonight?"

I said, "No thanks."

He actually laughed.

 

[timb2]

Officer comes up to you and says "You know why I pulled you over"? You answer " You think I have doughnuts in this car".

 

[Runwildboys]

My oldest brother ran a stop sign one day, with my other brother in the car, who said, "Uh oh!"

My oldest bro says, "Cop?"

"Yep."

So he just pulled right over, before the cop even came out. The cop comes out from the side road sideways, and almost went right past my brother's car. Then he backed up and parked behind him.

When he walked up to the car, my brother rolled the window down and loudly says, "You know what I pulled over for, don't you?"

 

[BrAinPaiNt]

I went through a spot check a few years ago, and the cop says, "Anything to drink tonight?"

I said, "No thanks."

He actually laughed.

Some years ago we had a check point and one of the questions was...any weapons in the car. Without missing a beat I said...just my wife.
He started laughing and told his buddy what I said.

He never did find out if I had any other weapons in the car.

 

[Runwildboys]

A guy in a tractor trailer got stuck under a railroad bridge. The first cop on the scene says, "You get stuck?"

The driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of fuel."

 

[BrAinPaiNt]

 

[timb2]

Hey cop where's the rest of your crew ? The construction worker , the indian the biker ,and the cowboy? I want to get a picture with all The Village People.

 

[BigStar]

Don't you need a warrant for that?

Get your blank outta the car

 

[BigStar]

Do you know any places that sell booze after 2AM?

 

[timb2]

"Speeding ticket"? "Oh Thank God "!!! " I thought you were going to get me for, Uh nevermind".

 

[BigStar]

Me and my friend just came from Taco Bell

 

[Runwildboys]

Cop: "I've been just waiting for you!"

You: "Well, I got here as fast as I could!"

 

[BigStar]

I wanted to become a cop (doesn't mean to sound patronizing but it does)

 

[Runwildboys]

I wanted to become a cop (doesn't mean to sound patronizing but it does)

Especially if you add, "but my grades were too high."