Things Not to Say to a Cop or a Judge

[jsb357]

cop... do you realize you were speeding?

me...well I was on the way to the donut shop

 

[BigStar]

From Seinfeld,

Cop: I have you clocked as going 85 mph
Jerry: Well you must've caught me as I was hitting that turn, because I was going well over 100

 

[timb2]

Yo officer all these cool blue and red flashing lights .What disco club am I at right now?

 

[timb2]

Sir I have you on radar going 75 miles mph No way Officier, my speedometer says I was going a good 85 mph

 

[joseephuss]

Aren't you the guy who is married to my girlfriend?

 

[Ranched]

 

[timb2]

TRUE STORY
I had a buddy that was a cop he pulled over girl one time for a speeding ticket .He went back to write her the ticket, when he came back to her car. She had hiked her skirt up and showed a little more cleavage and she said" Officer I thought beautiful women didn't' get speeding tickets"? He said back "They don't, here's your ticket and you might want to pull your skirt down before you catch a cold".

 

[Ranched]

TRUE STORY
I had a buddy that was a cop he pulled over girl one time for a speeding ticket .He went back to write her the ticket, when he came back to her car. She had hiked her skirt up and showed a little more cleavage and she said" Officer I thought beautiful women didn't' get speeding tickets"? He said back "They don't, here's your ticket and you might want to pull your skirt down before you catch a cold".

 

[MWH1967]

I cant recite my ABC's backwards when I'm sober .

 

[LittleBoyBlue]

You guys were great in the movie police academy .... you your honor, in Night Court..... where is Bull anyways?

 

[CF74]

Is that thing loaded?

 

[CF74]

Cop pulls a guy over that’s speeding in a Lamborghini and asks the driver:

“You know why I pulled you over?”

Driver: Because I let you....

 

[YosemiteSam]

Oodgay afternoonyay officeryay , asway iyay eedingspay?

 

[Reverend Conehead]

When my niece was 16, a cop pulled her over for speeding. She was going significantly over the limit, probably about 30 MPH over, so the cop lectured her about the danger.
She answered that with, "Well, my daddy said that they deliberately set the speed limits way too slow and they do it just to pick on people."
Didn't go over so well.

 

[Reverend Conehead]

There's also Stephen Wright's joke.

Cop: Don't you know the speed limit is 55 miles per hour?
Stephen: I know, but I'm not going to be out that long.

 

[Ranched]

https://imgflip.com/memegenerator

 

[Them]

When you get pulled over, say...
"What's wrong, ossifer, there's no blood in my alcohol?"

 

[timb2]

That's a bad call judge ! You stink ! Are you blind or something ? Just pretend you're at a sporting event.

 

[timb2]

I actually did this ." Bad Boys, Bad Boys whatcha you gonna do when they come for you ". The officers laughed .My old work had forklift operators a lot were temps and these guys must have come from a halfway house.Cops constantly looking for someone.

 

[Oz-of-Cowboy-Country]

What would happen if you pointed at a cops holster and yelled "GUN" as loud as you could?

I mean it wouldn't be a lie.