One thing for sure, divorce brings scars, even though they're well hidden and covered, they're there still the same. Both parties failed at something for the other or made that all time grand mistake of mistaking infatuation or lust for love.
I fell for my wife the first time I ever saw her and didn't even speak to her for a year and that was only an introduction because I knew her date. To this day, I cannot explain how I knew she was the one but I will admit it was a lot more infatuation than love. If I am honest with myself, I wasn't really in love with her when we married. She was beautiful, a real head turner, and popular and I was afraid of losing her if I didn't marry her. We really married for the wrong reasons and I was very immature, even for a 20 year old. We had two sons and she would gladly volunteer that she raised 3 boys but she did and just like a good mother, she had patience waiting for her oldest to grow up.
And then it happened, I realized I was in love and not with the wrapper but what was inside. That corny line from Jerry Maguire, "you complete me", summarized it perfectly. In marriage, you grow together or you grow apart but you never stop growing. I had thought 'I married the perfect pretty popular girl', mission accomplished. But it had only begun.
There are two elements to people growing apart, the past and mental stability and both are a mountain to climb. I know so many cases of the past, something buried, that comes back into peoples lives and it begins to isolate them from the ones they love, the ones that could help the most. And I know first hand about the fight for mental stability because we are far more complicated creatures than even we imagine. And dealing with a complicated person can ruin a simple life. It can be a love obstacle course.
The other thing I have discovered about divorce, and this is only from personal experience, is that unless there is abuse, emotional and/or physical, involved, the person wanting it is usually the one to regret it. That act didn't solve the problem.
I know kevin and Vomit are going through really tough times, and probably some not comfortable with sharing, but I will offer some first hand advice that is a spin on an old saying that is not completely true. The saying is 'time heals all wounds". It does not. I lost my Dad, my two dogs of 15 years, my wife and my Mom all within 7.5 years and my wounds are not even scarred over. But what time does is allow you to do your own best at healing yourself. Time buys you more time.
I can say this, if you use the time wisely and sometimes that means doing absolutely nothing, it can truly be on your side. Or in my case, it began when I used my time to help a really close friend of mine deal with losing his wife to the same monster that took mine. I helped myself by helping him. Gentlemen, look around you for a person to invest your time that will reap dividends. Divorce, like so many other things in life, makes us feel that we've failed at something and we need a boost out of that and investing time in another can do just that.
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