Fireside Chat

[ESisback]

Also one of mine. My brother used to cram his mouth full of cereal, lean his head back and put his hand under his chin while he chomped away. His lips didn't meet again until he was through smacking down every single bite. I protested daily about having him at the table the same time I was. I have PTSD, Post Traumatic Smacking Disorder.

WHAT are y'all talking about now?

I believe I got the ball rolling with the ‘mouth open and making yummy sounds’ remark. How about the people who not only are noisy eaters, but also MESSY eaters? I know a guy that does both, AND it takes him forever! He thoughtfully selects each item, carefully scoops equal parts of each item, carefully arranges the portions with “proper” borders, applies heavy amounts of salt and pepper and other assorted condiments, THEN carefully places silverware, napkins, etc. By this point he has to pop the whole plate into the microwave, because it’s no longer the required 975 degrees. It’s only then that he begins to noisily chomp, slurp, suck, sip, burp, fart, gulp, spit and loudly pontificate about the inferiority of the cooks culinary skills, mouth full and dripping food refuse to the point that Julia Childs BEGS for sweet relief in the form of a bullet to the temple...

I’m not overreacting at all, am I?

 

[Xelda]

I believe I got the ball rolling with the ‘mouth open and making yummy sounds’ remark. How about the people who not only are noisy eaters, but also MESSY eaters? I know a guy that does both, AND it takes him forever! He thoughtfully selects each item, carefully scoops equal parts of each item, carefully arranges the portions with “proper” borders, applies heavy amounts of salt and pepper and other assorted condiments, THEN carefully places silverware, napkins, etc. By this point he has to pop the whole plate into the microwave, because it’s no longer the required 975 degrees. It’s only then that he begins to noisily chomp, slurp, suck, sip, burp, fart, gulp, spit and loudly pontificate about the inferiority of the cooks culinary skills, mouth full and dripping food refuse to the point that Julia Childs BEGS for sweet relief in the form of a bullet to the temple...

I’m not overreacting at all, am I?

Not at all, ES. THE HORROR you just described sends chills up my spine. I'd think after all the careful preparation, he'd be neat and orderly. He sounds like a caricature of a mentally unstable mob boss. This guy needs a crime scene investigation studying him at meal time. Just keep him away from the rest of us. I'd avoid him too, if I were you.

 

[ESisback]

Not at all, ES. THE HORROR you just described sends chills up my spine. I'd think after all the careful preparation, he'd be neat and orderly. He sounds like a caricature of a mentally unstable mob boss. This guy needs a crime scene investigation studying him at meal time. Just keep him away from the rest of us. I'd avoid him too, if I were you.

He’s oblivious. He thinks his dining room decorum is perfectly normal, not the foul insanity of a group of homeless, mentally challenged circus clowns. Suppressing projectile vomiting for an entire twenty five minute meal takes endurance AND diplomacy. This man could pissoff the Pope.

 

[G2]

It's better than the people who stuff their face like it's their last meal, not even taking in breaths.

 

[CouchCoach]

It's better than the people who stuff their face like it's their last meal, not even taking in breaths.

So I am in this Mexican restaurant last week and this couple comes in, both sporting tires around the middle, truck tires, and they sit diagonally from me. Evidently they're regulars because the waitress brings them two bowls of chips and salsa, that peaked my interest which would soon turn to disgust and wonder. Both of these feeders, and that is the appropriate description, pulled the salsa bowl over in front of them, lined the chips up behind, lowered their heads over the salsa bowls and began to feed. I looked around and almost lost it. There was this woman with her two teenage kids looking at them and this woman had here hand over here mouth as if she'd just witnessed a train wreck.

These two people did not lift their heads until the chips were gone and the waitress was headed back with refills and to take their order. I was done but decided I had to stay and watch this because they talked for a long time giving her their order and interrupted each other a couple of times and I could only assume that was because they weren't ordering enough. I'd seen the trailer, I had to see the movie. I looked back over at that woman and she was looking at me with the strangest look on her face as if to say "are you seeing what I am seeing"?

Soon enough, the first shipment of food arrived and I was disappointed in that it looked like normal orders, but that was only the first installment. Two more trips to the table and it was full and now I could no longer control myself and had to get a closer look. I went the long way to the bathroom trying to look nonchalant and caught the woman's eye and she gave me the nod like "good idea". I am telling you, those two people could have saved time by just pointing to items on the menu they didn't want. It looked like a buffet.

I decided I'd seen enough of this feeding frenzy because I am not sure either of them took a breath between bites, but they did not chew with their mouths open. I say that just to let you know I am jacking this thread about smacking. This was all about speed eating and gluttony. As I paid and left, I looked back at the woman and she and her two kids were all laughing. And I left, somehow feeling better about myself.

 

[G2]

So I am in this Mexican restaurant last week and this couple comes in, both sporting tires around the middle, truck tires, and they sit diagonally from me. Evidently they're regulars because the waitress brings them two bowls of chips and salsa, that peaked my interest which would soon turn to disgust and wonder. Both of these feeders, and that is the appropriate description, pulled the salsa bowl over in front of them, lined the chips up behind, lowered their heads over the salsa bowls and began to feed. I looked around and almost lost it. There was this woman with her two teenage kids looking at them and this woman had here hand over here mouth as if she'd just witnessed a train wreck.

These two people did not lift their heads until the chips were gone and the waitress was headed back with refills and to take their order. I was done but decided I had to stay and watch this because they talked for a long time giving her their order and interrupted each other a couple of times and I could only assume that was because they weren't ordering enough. I'd seen the trailer, I had to see the movie. I looked back over at that woman and she was looking at me with the strangest look on her face as if to say "are you seeing what I am seeing"?

Soon enough, the first shipment of food arrived and I was disappointed in that it looked like normal orders, but that was only the first installment. Two more trips to the table and it was full and now I could no longer control myself and had to get a closer look. I went the long way to the bathroom trying to look nonchalant and caught the woman's eye and she gave me the nod like "good idea". I am telling you, those two people could have saved time by just pointing to items on the menu they didn't want. It looked like a buffet.

I decided I'd seen enough of this feeding frenzy because I am not sure either of them took a breath between bites, but they did not chew with their mouths open. I say that just to let you know I am jacking this thread about smacking. This was all about speed eating and gluttony. As I paid and left, I looked back at the woman and she and her two kids were all laughing. And I left, somehow feeling better about myself.

Lol.
That's what I would have done. Stayed to see what else happened.

 

[ESisback]

So I am in this Mexican restaurant last week and this couple comes in, both sporting tires around the middle, truck tires, and they sit diagonally from me. Evidently they're regulars because the waitress brings them two bowls of chips and salsa, that peaked my interest which would soon turn to disgust and wonder. Both of these feeders, and that is the appropriate description, pulled the salsa bowl over in front of them, lined the chips up behind, lowered their heads over the salsa bowls and began to feed. I looked around and almost lost it. There was this woman with her two teenage kids looking at them and this woman had here hand over here mouth as if she'd just witnessed a train wreck.

These two people did not lift their heads until the chips were gone and the waitress was headed back with refills and to take their order. I was done but decided I had to stay and watch this because they talked for a long time giving her their order and interrupted each other a couple of times and I could only assume that was because they weren't ordering enough. I'd seen the trailer, I had to see the movie. I looked back over at that woman and she was looking at me with the strangest look on her face as if to say "are you seeing what I am seeing"?

Soon enough, the first shipment of food arrived and I was disappointed in that it looked like normal orders, but that was only the first installment. Two more trips to the table and it was full and now I could no longer control myself and had to get a closer look. I went the long way to the bathroom trying to look nonchalant and caught the woman's eye and she gave me the nod like "good idea". I am telling you, those two people could have saved time by just pointing to items on the menu they didn't want. It looked like a buffet.

I decided I'd seen enough of this feeding frenzy because I am not sure either of them took a breath between bites, but they did not chew with their mouths open. I say that just to let you know I am jacking this thread about smacking. This was all about speed eating and gluttony. As I paid and left, I looked back at the woman and she and her two kids were all laughing. And I left, somehow feeling better about myself.

I don’t frequent McDonald’s—the Walmart of Eat Out—but I once had a double whammy that will test your ability to keep down your breakfast (or brunch, depending on your Time Zone). I sat down with coffee, waiting for a friend, when I observed an unattractive, kinda crazy-looking woman, about 60 and oddly dressed, gulp down a breakfast sandwich with nasty gusto. Fighting the gag impulse, I watched her take out her dentures, then commence licking them clean. I ran for the rest room, fearing that gag reflex, and was greeted by a stall with excrement smeared EVERYWHERE....

Thanks, but I’ll puke in the car!

 

[ESisback]

Lol.
That's what I would have done. Stayed to see what else happened.

Do I detect sarcasm?

 

[G2]

I don’t frequent McDonald’s—the Walmart of Eat Out—but I once had a double whammy that will test your ability to keep down your breakfast (or brunch, depending on your Time Zone). I sat down with coffee, waiting for a friend, when I observed an unattractive, kinda crazy-looking woman, about 60 and oddly dressed, gulp down a breakfast sandwich with nasty gusto. Fighting the gag impulse, I watched her take out her dentures, then commence licking them clean. I ran for the rest room, fearing that gag reflex, and was greeted by a stall with excrement smeared EVERYWHERE....

Thanks, but I’ll puke in the car!

McDonalds is the "Turbo Lax" of food options. But that woman should have been dragged into the street and beaten.

 

[Runwildboys]

Lol.
That's what I would have done. Stayed to see what else happened.

I don't know, I'm pretty sure I would have known exactly what was going to happen, the moment they strategically placed the salsa and chips.
I've seen hogs Chow down on TV, I don't need to see it up close.

 

[G2]

I don't know, I'm pretty sure I would have known exactly what was going to happen, the moment they strategically placed the salsa and chips.
I've seen hogs Chow down on TV, I don't need to see it up close.

It's like a train wreck, I couldn't just walk away.

 

[Runwildboys]

It's like a train wreck, I couldn't just walk away.

Maybe I've been driving too long, and seen too many wrecks.....then again, you're a fireman!

 

[G2]

Maybe I've been driving too long, and seen too many wrecks.....then again, you're a fireman!

It's a strange thing. It's usually a bad one if we're called to it.

 

[Runwildboys]

It's a strange thing. It's usually a bad one if we're called to it.

Usually, but I've seen many that make we wonder why the Hell there's a firetruck on the scene. No fire, no spill, no apparent injury....what the?

 

[G2]

Usually, but I've seen many that make we wonder why the Hell there's a firetruck on the scene. No fire, no spill, no apparent injury....what the?

Traffic control?

 

[Runwildboys]

Traffic control?

Maybe, but it seems like they could do that with one cop most of the time.

I suppose it's possible that I get there after some stuff is cleared up, and the firetruck just stayed to make it easier.

 

[G2]

Maybe, but it seems like they could do that with one cop most of the time.

I suppose it's possible that I get there after some stuff is cleared up, and the firetruck just stayed to make it easier.

Agreed. My company specifically gets called to "non emergencies" all the time.
I don't mind the wrecks we get called to where everyone is ok because it's a great way to teach up the young guys. And, we like to help with clean up until the tow truck comes.
I've been to a handful of accidents where everything looked fine and the vehicle caught fire.
The calls I loathe are natural gas leaks. We get called to evac the occupants and stand around until the utility company shows.....Ugh.

 

[ESisback]

Maybe I've been driving too long, and seen too many wrecks.....then again, you're a fireman!

And a dreamer!

 

[ESisback]

Usually, but I've seen many that make we wonder why the Hell there's a firetruck on the scene. No fire, no spill, no apparent injury....what the?

Wants to make sure they’re covered, probably. What’s worse are the small town cops who get off on scaring kids and driving really fast with lights flashing. Kid falls off a skateboard, stoner making out with his girlfriend, broken tail light, kid swipes a pack of cigarettes—3 cop cars!

 

[G2]

Wants to make sure they’re covered, probably. What’s worse are the small town cops who get off on scaring kids and driving really fast with lights flashing. Kid falls off a skateboard, stoner making out with his girlfriend, broken tail light, kid swipes a pack of cigarettes—3 cop cars!

Boredom