That Giant Sucking Sound
by Steve Czaban (Skins fan)
Top 10 Reasons Why The Giants Winning Deeply Bothers Me
(Aside from the fact they are a fellow NFC East Rival).
1. They Suck
Yes, teams that suck, do make the Super Bowl. They then usually get killed. See Chargers v. 49ers. Giants v. Ravens. Falcons v. Broncos. Bears v. Colts. This is a team that got crushed by the Vikings at home this year. A team that got handled easily by the Commanders with a backup QB. I haven’t looked it up, but I think the Giants have the worst home field record of any SB entrant in history.
2. We Let Them Off The Mat
I am pounding the podium like Dennis Green on this. Week 3 at FedEx Field. Giants are getting roundly beaten, down 17 points in the 2nd half. Fraidy Gibbs lets them back in the game, with an overdose of running. Giants win.
3. Eli Manning Still Sucks
Go ahead, buy into the hype these two weeks about him “making a step up” and “turning the corner.” Whatever. For the season, Eli was a 56% passer with 20 INTs. Eli’s rating was below Kyle Boller, Damon Huard, and Brian Griese. Suck.
4. My Brother In Law, Todd
I love him, I really do. But he’s the “Brother In Law Who Knows Just Enough To Be Wildly Wrong” about football. He’s a “big” Giant fan, or so he says. Except there were times this year where he admitted, he didn’t see his team play on Sunday. Plus, he’s from Jersey. Egad.
5. Giant Fans Calling My Show In D.C.
I will get about 4,567 of these calls in the next two weeks. They will all be obnoxious.
6. Michael Strahan Has Been Rewarded
Nothing like a jerk, getting his way about doing less work, and then getting a trip to the Super Bowl. I can’t wait till every day during media week some chucklehead is getting Strahan to riff on how training camp is for suckas!
7. Luck
So you get a pulled hammy by Joey Galloway, a Mexico vacation by Tony Romo, a huge drop by Patrick Crayton, a bad cramp by Al Harris, and a horrible duck by Brett Favre in overtime. Click your heels three times, and open your eyes! You are in the Super Bowl!
8. Tom Coughlin Still Sucks
Let’s not get weepy eyed about the myth of his “good guy” conversion. All he did, was soften his act enough not to get fired. Luckily, he serves under the most conservative ownership in the NFL. This is the same guy who yells at kickers who miss 43 yard field goals by a foot in minus-6 degree weather.
9. Eli’s New Endorsements
You like that hopelessly lame Oreo Licking League spot? Get ready for more. Eli and Peyton will be endorsing no less than 39 different products by kickoff on February 3rd.
10. They’ll Let Me Down
Despite all of this, I would DEARLY love to see them stop the Patriots, so the rest of the country could sarcastically say: “Ohhhhh. Soooo close, Bill and Tom! Too bad! (Snark!)” But you know what? Ain’t gonna happen. So I refuse to invest any emotional stock in that possible outcome. Thanks for nothin’!
NOW, all that being said….. there IS one big fat silver lining in this win.
Tiki Barber.
Hey, Tie-Kie! Suck on it, and like it!
Let me go slowly on this, Tiki. “They went farther WITHOUT you…. Then they did WITH you. Get it? Maybe you, and your cancerous, me-first, self-glorifying attitude was actually part of the problem!”
Can’t wait to see you on the Today Show!