How many super-bowls does Tony Romo win with the 2016-2024 Cowboys?
One. Super Bowl LI. It would have been glorious from the 'Tony Romo would have been paralyzed' detractors' point-of-view. Just picture it...
Score tied 17-17. Ball at the opponent's 15-yard line. Four seconds left in regulation.
Travis Frederick hikes the ball. It hits Romo's seat. He bobbles but gains control of the ball. He wheels himself right. It's a blitz! Romo does a 360-degree twirl with his wheelchair on one wheel! He wheels himself left. DE has beaten Tyron Smith. Romo pops another wheelie! Blitzer flies by, arms outstretched like Kate Winslet in
Titanic.
Romo raises his arm to pass. His sleeve is stuck on the wheelchair brake arm! He tosses the ball to his left hand. He throws! The ball has a slight wobble! It is a back shoulder throw to Dez Bryant in the corner of the endzone. Dez bobbled the catch. The play is reviewed. Charlotte Jones had laced Dean Blandino's drink with LSD and stuffed him inside a broom closet the previous evening. The touchdown is confirmed! Game over. Dallas wins!
Unfortunately, the victory was bittersweet. Romo didn't...
he didn't make it. His entire skeleton disintegrated after releasing the ball. Candice Romo shielded her children's eyes from what was left of her husband. Romo's body was later cremated. His ashes were scattered across the 18th green at Pebble Beach. Jim Nantz was there, speaking softly from a distance.
Dak Prescott spoke at his memorial service, saying, "I was a rookie. I hope to follow Romo's example of a veteran quarterback playing for a Super Bowl and for this great franchise. No rookie quarterback has ever led a team to the Super Bowl--much less help win one. I am grateful for Romo. May his memory be forever a blessing."
Jerry Jones inducted Romo into the Dallas Cowboys Ring of Honor the next season. The crowd was a-buzz but fell silent as the tarp covering his plaque was lowered. There it was. Tony Romo's name. Tony Romo's number 9. The symbol of Tony Romo's wheelchair.
BLESS YOU, FANTASY PRETEND TONY ROMO!!!