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Why "hated Coboys"? Let's count the ways
DALLAS - Charles Law, a nice but naive Inquirer reader who is excited about tomorrow night's NFC wild-card matchup here, asked in a recent e-mail why the Dallas Cowboys were so often referred to as "the hated Cowboys" in Philadelphia.
Well, Mr. Law, it's obvious you're either new to Philly or don't own a radio, so let me explain.
First of all, the Cowboys are from Texas. There may be another place on earth more dissimilar to Philly, but it's difficult to imagine. We're a hoagie. Texas is mustard. Texas is oil. We're water - and foul-tasting water at that.
The natives are odd, too. They like country music and pressed blue jeans. They also persist in wearing cowboy hats and boots, even though there hasn't been a need for either since LBJ was an LAD. You don't see Philadelphians in tricornered hats and powdered wigs, do you?
Then there's the statewide smugness, best exemplified by the slogan, "Don't Mess With Texas." As I recall, the Mexicans messed with Texas at the Alamo and things didn't work out real well for the locals. It's doubtful a Texan would last a week in Fishtown.
Don't forget Tom Landry. The longtime Dallas coach was a nice man, but as congenitally annoying as Woody Paige. In that silly hat, he resembled a Southern-fried Elmer Fudd. We frequently wanted to smack the lifeless expression off his face.
Landry also was squeaky clean. Philadelphians don't like squeaky clean, with the possible exception of Dick Clark. Landry always brought to mind a prim Sunday school teacher. And for those of us who were swilling beer and ogling the cheerleaders on Sunday afternoons, that wasn't a welcome reminder.
Roger Staubach was squeaky clean, too. Whenever he and Landry huddled on the sideline, I was convinced they were plotting ways to sell me insurance.
And how 'bout them Cowboys cheerleaders?
Philadelphians aren't fooled. Their smiles are obviously phony, their hair too big, their demeanors too perky. Take away the makeup, mousse, and implants - well, the makeup and mousse anyway - and what you're left with are Jersey girls.
We aren't alone in loathing Jerry Jones. Everybody despises him, including the Texans forced to spend $60 for a pizza at his new stadium. There's his face-lift. His hair implants. His toadying sons. His "mine-is-bigger-than-yours" mentality. The man has more shortcomings than the Eagles' defense.
There's more, too: The stars on the helmets. The hole in the roof. Michael Irvin. Deion Sanders. Troy Aikman. Jimmy Johnson. Barry Switzer. Tex Schramm. Leon Lett.
So you see, Mr. Law, we have our reasons. And we'll probably get a few more on Saturday night.
"This just in . . . it's cold." Hysteria is the normal emotional state for morning news anchors, but yesterday's unusually cold weather caused those in Dallas and Fort Worth to turn it up a notch.
They were so apoplectic about the cold snap that it was easy to forget it was sunny and 20-some degrees outside. They reported breathlessly on the school districts that had shut down, the roads that had closed, the long underwear that had been sold.
And yet - there was no snow, no sleet, and very little ice. Just a stiff wind and some subfreezing temperatures.
I guess if you're determined to mess with Texas, it's best to wait until the wind chill is in the teens.
Spite spit. The big buzz down here was that the Eagles' Web site director had spit on the Cowboys' star last Sunday.
His expectoration was not only unhygienic and juvenile, it was yet another indication of why you don't go to team Web sites for objective reporting.
"Of all the driveways in all the world . . . " I'd love to have seen Jerry Jones' face - assuming it hasn't been permanently paralyzed by Botox - when a bus filled with Eagles fans got stuck in his driveway earlier this week.
"Jeeves, what's that ruckus outside?"
"I'm not quite certain, sir. It appears to be a large green vehicle whose occupants persist in chanting 'Dallas Stinks!' "
"That hardly narrows it down."
"They also seem to be spelling out the word 'Eagles.' "
"Oh, it's our friends from Philadelphia."
"Shall I call the police?"
"No, the exterminator."
Frightening news. Cowboys running back Tashard Choice announced yesterday that he will be ready to play Saturday.
Guess Andy Reid didn't get any sleep last night.
Eagles-Cowboys limerick.
In their first loss, the Eagles were drab.
Last weekend, they took jab after jab.
Will they see strike three
On prime-time TV?
If so, we can all blame McNabb.
Showboats redux. As anyone with the stomach to sit through Dallas' shellacking of the Eagles last Sunday now knows, there's a new generation of hot dog in Dallas.
Despite the fact that he played at Monmouth and has had exactly half of one good NFL season, Miles Austin celebrates more often than Paris Hilton.
And if Austin is the new Michael Irvin, then D-back Mike Jenkins is making a bid to become the next Deion Sanders.
Contact staff writer Frank Fitzpatrick at 215-854-5068 or ffitzpatrick@phillynews.com.
http://www.philly.com/philly/sports...hated_Coboys_quot___Let_s_count_the_ways.html
DALLAS - Charles Law, a nice but naive Inquirer reader who is excited about tomorrow night's NFC wild-card matchup here, asked in a recent e-mail why the Dallas Cowboys were so often referred to as "the hated Cowboys" in Philadelphia.
Well, Mr. Law, it's obvious you're either new to Philly or don't own a radio, so let me explain.
First of all, the Cowboys are from Texas. There may be another place on earth more dissimilar to Philly, but it's difficult to imagine. We're a hoagie. Texas is mustard. Texas is oil. We're water - and foul-tasting water at that.
The natives are odd, too. They like country music and pressed blue jeans. They also persist in wearing cowboy hats and boots, even though there hasn't been a need for either since LBJ was an LAD. You don't see Philadelphians in tricornered hats and powdered wigs, do you?
Then there's the statewide smugness, best exemplified by the slogan, "Don't Mess With Texas." As I recall, the Mexicans messed with Texas at the Alamo and things didn't work out real well for the locals. It's doubtful a Texan would last a week in Fishtown.
Don't forget Tom Landry. The longtime Dallas coach was a nice man, but as congenitally annoying as Woody Paige. In that silly hat, he resembled a Southern-fried Elmer Fudd. We frequently wanted to smack the lifeless expression off his face.
Landry also was squeaky clean. Philadelphians don't like squeaky clean, with the possible exception of Dick Clark. Landry always brought to mind a prim Sunday school teacher. And for those of us who were swilling beer and ogling the cheerleaders on Sunday afternoons, that wasn't a welcome reminder.
Roger Staubach was squeaky clean, too. Whenever he and Landry huddled on the sideline, I was convinced they were plotting ways to sell me insurance.
And how 'bout them Cowboys cheerleaders?
Philadelphians aren't fooled. Their smiles are obviously phony, their hair too big, their demeanors too perky. Take away the makeup, mousse, and implants - well, the makeup and mousse anyway - and what you're left with are Jersey girls.
We aren't alone in loathing Jerry Jones. Everybody despises him, including the Texans forced to spend $60 for a pizza at his new stadium. There's his face-lift. His hair implants. His toadying sons. His "mine-is-bigger-than-yours" mentality. The man has more shortcomings than the Eagles' defense.
There's more, too: The stars on the helmets. The hole in the roof. Michael Irvin. Deion Sanders. Troy Aikman. Jimmy Johnson. Barry Switzer. Tex Schramm. Leon Lett.
So you see, Mr. Law, we have our reasons. And we'll probably get a few more on Saturday night.
"This just in . . . it's cold." Hysteria is the normal emotional state for morning news anchors, but yesterday's unusually cold weather caused those in Dallas and Fort Worth to turn it up a notch.
They were so apoplectic about the cold snap that it was easy to forget it was sunny and 20-some degrees outside. They reported breathlessly on the school districts that had shut down, the roads that had closed, the long underwear that had been sold.
And yet - there was no snow, no sleet, and very little ice. Just a stiff wind and some subfreezing temperatures.
I guess if you're determined to mess with Texas, it's best to wait until the wind chill is in the teens.
Spite spit. The big buzz down here was that the Eagles' Web site director had spit on the Cowboys' star last Sunday.
His expectoration was not only unhygienic and juvenile, it was yet another indication of why you don't go to team Web sites for objective reporting.
"Of all the driveways in all the world . . . " I'd love to have seen Jerry Jones' face - assuming it hasn't been permanently paralyzed by Botox - when a bus filled with Eagles fans got stuck in his driveway earlier this week.
"Jeeves, what's that ruckus outside?"
"I'm not quite certain, sir. It appears to be a large green vehicle whose occupants persist in chanting 'Dallas Stinks!' "
"That hardly narrows it down."
"They also seem to be spelling out the word 'Eagles.' "
"Oh, it's our friends from Philadelphia."
"Shall I call the police?"
"No, the exterminator."
Frightening news. Cowboys running back Tashard Choice announced yesterday that he will be ready to play Saturday.
Guess Andy Reid didn't get any sleep last night.
Eagles-Cowboys limerick.
In their first loss, the Eagles were drab.
Last weekend, they took jab after jab.
Will they see strike three
On prime-time TV?
If so, we can all blame McNabb.
Showboats redux. As anyone with the stomach to sit through Dallas' shellacking of the Eagles last Sunday now knows, there's a new generation of hot dog in Dallas.
Despite the fact that he played at Monmouth and has had exactly half of one good NFL season, Miles Austin celebrates more often than Paris Hilton.
And if Austin is the new Michael Irvin, then D-back Mike Jenkins is making a bid to become the next Deion Sanders.
Contact staff writer Frank Fitzpatrick at 215-854-5068 or ffitzpatrick@phillynews.com.
http://www.philly.com/philly/sports...hated_Coboys_quot___Let_s_count_the_ways.html
