Relationship advice

[Meat-O-Rama]

My advice is for you two to actually discuss it *with each other* instead of each going and discussing it separately with the internet. i.e. a bunch of strangers.

 

[RoyTheHammer]

My advice is for you two to actually discuss it *with each other* instead of each going and discussing it separately with the internet. i.e. a bunch of strangers.

He's already tried to discuss it with her multiple times, and each time she blows up in his face about it apparently.

 

[Tabascocat]

My advice is for you two to actually discuss it *with each other* instead of each going and discussing it separately with the internet. i.e. a bunch of strangers.

Yes, seek a marriage counselor. There are underlying problems that we can't help you with, or at least I can't.

 

[Nova]

Disclaimer: I'm in no position to give marriage advice because I'm not married, but it's the internet so here I go!

It's extremely tough to build trust when you yourself are already pretty trusting (or so it seems from your story). The reason for that is, you've privileged her to the instant gratification of security by letting her check your phone. You want her to feel just as secure as you do, and there's nothing wrong with that.

But if she KNOWS that everything is okay immediately then she never really has to work on trusting.

You've spoiled her (as weird as that may sound).

So as with most things in life that become habit, she has to be weaned from her current routine-- Meaning you have to stop letting her check your phone, alerts an so on and so forth, but ease her into it.

It will be easier said than done, but basically it's on you, my man.

 

[viman96]

Ultimately you are treated the way you let yourself be treated.

If you let her be this way with you then it is your fault. Do not let her or anyone else walk on you like this. If she does not like not being able to read your text messages or whatever then she needs to get over it.

Trust/jealously issues are very serious and it is best to squash them ASAP.

 

[Gemini Dolly]

I assume you have nothing to hide. So, if checking your phone or computer or whatever you have keeps her at peace, then let her....


Or else shes probably going to think youre up to something. Us female creatures can be weird that way. Sowwie. :

 

[DFWJC]

This, and that you BOTH have a LOT of growing to do.

Sadly...this.

 

[Tricked]

Thank you all for the feedback. I understand the criticism, but unfortunately I'm stuck in the situation. I've tried to talk to her, marriage counseling is an option, albeit one I've suggested but she was very against it. I know it's weird to discuss this online, but what else can one do if they've tried everything they can think of.the internet is filled with people that have all different types of experiences, and I was hoping to get a fish bite in the ocean.

 

[WoodysGirl]

Not married and suck at relationships, so my advice ain't worth two nickels. But I thought the suggestion from one of the guys earlier about turning off your notifications could be an option.

If she's only checking when an alert goes off, then turn off all the alerts.. ringtones, LED lights, etc. Just check your phone when you get a chance.

That's my half-cent advice..

BTW, I have a cuckoo friend like that. NOT saying your wife is cuckoo. Love my friend like a sister, but she's cuckoo for cocoa puffs when it comes to phones. She has DEEP insecurities that no man really has been able to overcome so far. I feel like when a person has those kind of insecurities, then you can't help that person. They need therapy or something.

 

[RoyTheHammer]

Thank you all for the feedback. I understand the criticism, but unfortunately I'm stuck in the situation. I've tried to talk to her, marriage counseling is an option, albeit one I've suggested but she was very against it. I know it's weird to discuss this online, but what else can one do if they've tried everything they can think of.the internet is filled with people that have all different types of experiences, and I was hoping to get a fish bite in the ocean.

Yea, i was going to guess that she'd probably be intensely against any kind of profesional counseling. Normally with someone like that, they don't ever feel like they have any kind of a problem or are doing anything inapppropriate for a relationship. I know its gotta be tough to deal with man, just gotta decide if the relationship is worth it and if you can be happy with both your lives being together. Not much else you can do if you've tried multiple times to calmly sit down with her and discuss it and it doesn't make a dent. Good luck with everything, man.

 

[PJTHEDOORS]

Zoners,

Yesterday, I did something that is very controversial.

My wife is extremely nosey with me. She has her own cell phone, her own facebook, etc... Anytime I get an alert on my phone such as a text message or a notification from facebook, she jumps to grab my phone and look at it. Sometimes I don't notice and it has caused me to miss important messages, and makes it extremely difficult to plan any surprises for her for birthdays or whatever, which ofcourse has frustrated me.

So, to teach her a lesson, I had a organized a friend of mine to message me posing as a woman and be flirtatious with me in the message. Knowing she would jump at my phone going off she would see it and get upset with me, then I could point out her nosey ness was all for nothing because it was a setup.

Now, she's in a ''mommy club'' forum and they all think I'm the worst POS to walk the planet. I understand that it wasn't the best of moves for me to do, but at the time it was the only thing I could think of to prove my point.

I will never understand women, and it makes relationships very difficult.

I'm just curious, what are everyone thoughts on this matter?

[youtube]jkB5DH4fM-g[/youtube]

 

[WPBCowboysFan]

If you want the relationship to work, her suspicious nature is something you are probably always going to have deal with IMO. The question is do you want to deal with it?

This is very likely true and only he can decide how much to put up with.

Sack up and tell her to leave your stuff alone. Seriously.

While I agree wholeheartedly with you it doesnt always work. Actually in this scenario he has described, I would bet a fair amount of money that sacking up will do nothing to solve the problem.

spend more time talking with her instead of outsiders who may not know the whole story and history of the relationship.

In theory this is sounds great. However, its pretty obvious that hasnt worked in this situation. Any guy that is or has been married can tell you that it usually doesnt work very well or get much accomplished. Its like :bang2: over and over and over and over and over and over and over . . . . . . .

My advice is for you two to actually discuss it *with each other* instead of each going and discussing it separately with the internet. i.e. a bunch of strangers.

Been there done that, prob numerous times. This is a way for him to vent. He's frustrated :bang2: and his head hurts.

Ultimately you are treated the way you let yourself be treated.

If you let her be this way with you then it is your fault. Do not let her or anyone else walk on you like this. If she does not like not being able to read your text messages or whatever then she needs to get over it.

Trust/jealously issues are very serious and it is best to squash them ASAP.

Sometimes the only options are to endure or escape. So far he is enduring. If she wont change for the good of her relationship these are his 2 options.

Two people are involved here and he is only one half of the relationship. No matter what "2 sides" there are to the story, its painfully obvious his wife does not respect his opinions nor is she willing to listen to him.

The worst thing for any relationship is when women listen to other women. Women can wind each other up and its never in a good way. They listen to each other as if its gospel truth when very often its terrible advice they give each other. Women do the dumbest and most destructive things in their relationships - and its all because they usually have an unwillingness to listen to the one they should- their husband. Most women are like kamikaze's in their marriage relationships.

You can call me a neanderthal, but truth is truth! 90+% of marital issues wouldnt be an issue if the woman just ignored the advice of other women and listened to her man.

 

[PJTHEDOORS]

Thank you all for the feedback. I understand the criticism, but unfortunately I'm stuck in the situation. I've tried to talk to her, marriage counseling is an option, albeit one I've suggested but she was very against it. I know it's weird to discuss this online, but what else can one do if they've tried everything they can think of.the internet is filled with people that have all different types of experiences, and I was hoping to get a fish bite in the ocean.

Take her to a Beach resort. Women love the beach and the moonlight. Do that. Things will work out. You seem like a humble and honest guy. That in itself is not easy for some. Peace.

 

[a_minimalist]

Tell her you don't like it and aren't putting up with it anymore and don't give a what her forum friends think. If she doesn't like it then maybe you two need to have a serious conversation...meaning time apart. , it sounds like you're afraid of her.

Here are your two options:

1) suck it up and let her invade your privacy
2) do what I said above and understand what it could mean. Not sure how important it is to you. Her behavior sounds pretty unhealthy though...especially for a damn adult.

 

[justbob]

You should have plenty of info from, the absolute last place you should have ever come for advice. Nothing is solved on forums,chats or text with girlfriends, boyfriends or strangers on a football site.

A reasonable thing to do at this point is to ask a mod to please close this thread before you get anymore advice to screw up your life.

 

[WPBCowboysFan]

You should have plenty of info from, the absolute last place you should have ever come for advice. Nothing is solved on forums,chats or text with girlfriends, boyfriends or strangers on a football site.

A reasonable thing to do at this point is to ask a mod to please close this thread before you get anymore advice to screw up your life.

ost: ost:

 

[CF74]

The double standard thing is a huge red flag to me. So she is all in your stuff but you can't check hers in return? Hmmm... Very fishy..

Other possibilities for her insecurity:

Has she gained a lot of weight?

Is your physical love life on the back burner?

Is she unhappy about her life, job, etc or does she feel unfulfilled in some other way?

Don't answer this but were you unfaithful in the past and did she find out about it?

Many possibilities but more often than not the one doing the accusing is the one running around, especially if you have always been faithful...

Try counseling and if she refuses to go then put your foot down and change your passcodes until she gives you hers in return..

Last thing about the double standard thing, does she have some kind of learning disability, ADD, ADHD, Bi-polar, or any other mental disorder?

So many possibilities....

 

[Rockport]

Trust is the most important things in a marriage. She doesn't trust you for some reason. Figure out why. If I had a wife, my phone would be off limits to her and I would never look at her phone unless she asked me too. That's ridiculous.

 

[Warick]

I'm not married so my advice is probably worthless, however, I had a GF that acted a lot like your wife. She always wanted to see my phone, check it when I got a call, and if she couldn't see it, she would ask who called after I hung up. If I left my phone on the table, she would look through it, and she threw a fit when I password protected my phone. She would never let me see her phone (not that I wanted to snoop, but she bought a new phone, and I wanted to check it out).

One day, I tried to call a female friend with a question about something, and I couldn't get a hold of her. I messaged her on my space (yeah, it's been a while, lol), and I figured out that my gf changed her number so I couldn't call her. That ticked me off, and I told her not to change anything on my phone anymore, and she was no longer allowed to look at my phone. That started a war, but I stood my ground.

Turns out, after we broke up, I found out she was texted/talking to her ex-boyfriend during the last few months of our relationship.

Your wife demanding control over your phone, while not allowing you the same (not that you want to), sets off red flags to me.

 

[CanadianCowboysFan]

My wife like many chicks is like that to some extent. If the phone rings, it is always who called, who are you texting etc She had to know what happened on my bachelor party etc

It drove her nuts when I didn't care what she did on her Hen night and don't ask her who she is talking to on phone etc Even if I answer the phone and it is a guy asking for her, I never ask who he is etc.

One thing about those who like to search phones, computers etc, as a family law lawyer I always tell people, you will never find anything good, like will never prove guy/girl isn't stepping out, so why do it.