Relationship advice

[ABQCOWBOY]

Best advice I can give you or anybody, don't go to a message board to get advice on relationships. The best you can hope for with that kind of method is to further piss your Wife off.

Good luck.

 

[DFWJC]

Just a warning.

Those inclined to cheat tend to be the most suspicious of others cheating.

 

[VietCowboy]

Just a warning.

Those inclined to cheat tend to be the most suspicious of others cheating.

maybe, but s/he could be controlling, or been burned by a cheater in the past, or a friend/family told him/her that his/her partner may be cheating, etc etc. There are a lot of reasons why someone would do that. You just can't just make an assumption on the behavior.

 

[a_minimalist]

maybe, but s/he could be controlling, or been burned by a cheater in the past, or a friend/family told him/her that his/her partner may be cheating, etc etc. There are a lot of reasons why someone would do that. You just can't just make an assumption on the behavior.

But you can hold them accountable for their actions. Especially since they are an ADULT.

 

[WPBCowboysFan]

Sounds like to me that there is a major communication barrier in this relationship. IMO, properly communicating is they key to any relationship. It's also the reason why most relationships fail, because they communicate poorly.

If you are serious about fixing this problem, and if she is serious about fixing this problem, it will be dependent on the two of you discovering a way to communicate better.

Communication requires listening also. Communication "failure" is not always because there is a LACK of communication. The failure is often the result of not being willing to listen and apply what is being communicated.

 

[WPBCowboysFan]

We've been together 4 years now. The only major difference I've noticed since having the baby is her anxiety has gone through the freaking roof and she's afraid to be alone. For example, she wanted to talk a shower in the night cause the baby threw up on her or something, and she bawled until I would go sit on the toilet while she did because she was afraid someone would come kill her or something.

In all seriousness, she needs to get some help from a professional. You arent the answer, and nothing advised here is the answer. She needs some real help to deal with anxiety issues. Most likely she will get worse w/o some real help. The sooner she deals with it the better off all of you will be. It may take some time, and may even take some medication, but just living with it will do nothing but frustrate you both.

Get her some help. I wish you the best in dealing with this.

 

[burmafrd]

Sounds to me like this relationship is going into the ol calcutta crapper no matter what.

So what do you have to lose from drawing a line in the sand:


FROM now ON I check your phone like you do mine. If you password protect I will do the same. I demand equal rights.


If she refuses then what good is continuing this? Tell her its time to end it

Staying together because of a child is about the WORST reason there is. Does no one any good in the end.

 

[PJTHEDOORS]

Sounds to me like this relationship is going into the ol calcutta crapper no matter what.

So what do you have to lose from drawing a line in the sand:


FROM now ON I check your phone like you do mine. If you password protect I will do the same. I demand equal rights.


If she refuses then what good is continuing this? Tell her its time to end it

Staying together because of a child is about the WORST reason there is. Does no one any good in the end.

Tell that to the little girl crying at night.

 

[a_minimalist]

Tell that to the little girl crying at night.

Ever been called wildly dramatic before?

 

[DFWJC]

maybe, but s/he could be controlling, or been burned by a cheater in the past, or a friend/family told him/her that his/her partner may be cheating, etc etc. There are a lot of reasons why someone would do that. You just can't just make an assumption on the behavior.

That's why I said "inclined".
No assumptions made whatsoever about this particular case. For all we know, that controlling spouse may other reasons entirely for her actions.
Just stating the facts.

 

[AbeBeta]

Sounds to me like this relationship is going into the ol calcutta crapper no matter what.

So what do you have to lose from drawing a line in the sand:


FROM now ON I check your phone like you do mine. If you password protect I will do the same. I demand equal rights.


If she refuses then what good is continuing this? Tell her its time to end it

Staying together because of a child is about the WORST reason there is. Does no one any good in the end.

Burm's relationship advice is awful. Tit for tat is a dumb way to have a relationship. If anything, try couples counseling. Make a real effort to improve your relationship.

 

[Stash]

Burm's relationship advice is awful. Tit for tat is a dumb way to have a relationship. If anything, try couples counseling. Make a real effort to improve your relationship.

Completely disagree.

When you don't have equality in a relationship, you don't have a relationship.

 

[AbeBeta]

In all seriousness, she needs to get some help from a professional. You arent the answer, and nothing advised here is the answer. She needs some real help to deal with anxiety issues. Most likely she will get worse w/o some real help. The sooner she deals with it the better off all of you will be. It may take some time, and may even take some medication, but just living with it will do nothing but frustrate you both.

Get her some help. I wish you the best in dealing with this.

That sounds like postpartum depression -- however, the OP should also be getting help. Treating your partner the way he did, knowing that she is having a tough time, is not a reasonable response. It is cruel and people who love each other and want to stay in a relationship do not behave that way.

 

[AbeBeta]

Completely disagree.

When you don't have equality in a relationship, you don't have a relationship.

Right. Husband makes rules and wife has to follow them. You really miss that equality is about how you make decisions. Both sides need a say.

 

[ABQCOWBOY]

Right. Husband makes rules and wife has to follow them. You really miss that equality is about how you make decisions. Both sides need a say.

No, sometimes Wife's make rules and Husbands have to follow them. It's not always like they show it on Lifetime.

 

[WPBCowboysFan]

Treating your partner the way he did, knowing that she is having a tough time, is not a reasonable response. It is cruel and people who love each other and want to stay in a relationship do not behave that way.

He's frustration saturated. I would not call it cruel. A person gets to the end of the line and just trys something/anything to get the other's attention. Maybe not a great move, but hardly cruel. Its just frustration manifested.

 

[AbeBeta]

No, sometimes Wife's make rules and Husbands have to follow them. It's not always like they show it on Lifetime.

Sure -- but in most of those sort of situations, you deal with the "is this worth fighting over" factor. Here is a clear case of conflict over a particular issue (one that likely is just a symptom of a bigger problem). Freaking discuss the problem! That is how healthy relationships work. This is his wife, not his child.

 

[AbeBeta]

He's frustration saturated. I would not call it cruel. A person gets to the end of the line and just trys something/anything to get the other's attention. Maybe not a great move, but hardly cruel. Its just frustration manifested.

Fine. It is remarkably selfish then. She's clearly having some major issues. Responding with behaviors that will obviously make the situation worse is a clear indication that the OP is more focused on his own needs than helping his wife in this difficult period.

 

[PJTHEDOORS]

Ever been called wildly dramatic before?

Uh...let's see. A newborn baby. Maybe having both parents isn't important in your life, but I'm guessing that kid's life it is.

 

[WPBCowboysFan]

Fine. It is remarkably selfish then. She's clearly having some major issues. Responding with behaviors that will obviously make the situation worse is a clear indication that the OP is more focused on his own needs than helping his wife in this difficult period.

While I dont disagree with you, there are still 2 people involved in this relationship. What he has been putting up with has made his situation difficult as well. It might be accurate to say he is ignorant of the seriousness of her condition and didnt help things with his frustrated attempt, but not fair to classify it as cruel, or even selfish at this point.

The best thing he can do at this point is get her some professional help. See where it goes.