ninja;5092319 said:
If your wife isn't telling you her passwords, then she is hiding stuff. Not good at all. I would never let my wife get away with hiding passwords.
I know my wife's passwords and she knows mine. Both of us volunteered the passwords to each other. No one had to ask.
I'd be very suspicious if my wife did what your wife is doing. And I'd put a stop to it very quickly. Trust is vital in a marriage.
I'd say that's a bit much. Had you said that she was unwilling to share then I might sort of agree but not offering it up for the sake of doing so doesn't really register on my scale as hiding something.
Then again, I don't think people should have to validate their partner's trust with token gestures that are ultimately worthless. If anyone was going to step outside the marriage they certainly wouldn't need Facebook to do it and odds are they wouldn't put such crap on their Facebook anyway. I dare say that any person who ever started stepping outside their marriage after initiating through Facebook likely would have done so at some point anyway. In that regard it seems like some sort of system of checks and balances on the relationships. Sort of a, "I trust you infinitely but just know that I can check up on you if I want".
You and your wife may volunteer passwords to each other but I would just guess that neither has actually used them. Likely because she hasn't given you a reason to suspect anything and vice versa.
You commit your life to someone, not forfeit it. You're either the type of person who would do such a thing like stepping out of the marriage or you aren't. Catching it on Facebook before the ultimate conclusion might "save" the marriage for the time being but it will without a doubt weaken it and may just end up destroying it in the long run. At best you do regain the sense of trust that was there before but not without considerable time and work.
I know a guy who's been married to his wife for like 50+ years. He's up in his 70s and he said he tried retiring one time and then told me why he returned to work
(in part, the general theme was he was too bored. Dude's extremely wealthy and probably didn't need to work a day beyond 50.). After a day or two his wife headed out of the house for lunch and he asked where she was going. She said something like it was Thursday and she and her friends had always met for lunch on Thursdays since just about forever. He then asked her something about what he was going to do while she was gone and she gave him a pretty simply reply, "I promised you that we'd spend the rest of our lives together, not every single lunch".
I'm not saying this to try and say what you and your wife are doing is wrong or bad for a marriage or anything like that. What you guys do for you seems to be working for you and that's a great thing for both you and your wife.
That said, I don't think it's directly applicable to every other couple out there. Some people need to retain certain aspects of their life that may or may not include their partner. So long as they are committed to each other, there really shouldn't be anything to worry about. But, as I said, I think stepping outside the marriage is entirely dependent on the makeup of the individual so having passwords or not doesn't necessarily guarantee one thing over the other.
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