Translating Stephen Jones

[big dog cowboy]

One of my favorite hobbies is seeing if I can get you to post here. It’s paid off,

Bob, we need to speak.

 

[RS12]

Everything out of his mouth is an attempt to insult most fans intelligence. I'd love to remove the silver spoon from his mouth and stick it where the sun doesnt shine.

 

[Havic]

In addition to a politician, he would certainly be a great White House Press secretary.

Im surprised he hasn't added "We'll circle back to that later"

Shuffles papers and folders furiously while nodding in approval of what’s being asked

 

[TheCritic]

I enjoyed the translations myself and not the least bit surprised that BlueBubba70 would respond with his usual long-winded word salad.

 

[LonnieElam]

I know this the fan base who seems angry won't let it go and post 25 * a week about how much they hate the team and how it's run everything about it I don't really understand why they're still fans that is a absolute choice we hear every quote we read every Twitter social media ESPN and anything that's released about the Dallas Cowboys most of us here already read it we already heard it and we make our own decisions on how we did choose to follow the team and support the star and the players who are wearing it because that's the only thing we can do...

Do we need to have year round complaints like the complaint department is 24/7 and it's the same 15 or 20 subjects reworded into 75 different posts and it never stops I mean this is like a terrible newspaper this is all negativity we already know this going into next year if it's the same it's the same I'm still pulling for the team and I'm just gonna have to deal with the rest of it because unless the Dallas Cowboys somehow change ownerships overnight then this is what we're dealing with I mean unless you guys want them to up and move I mean who do you want to come in and be the new expansion team in Dallas because short of that nothing's gonna change you over the next 10 to 20 years so complaining about it all the time gonna make it look all professional trying to type it out like it's word like it's something's gonna change in the front office at the start they're not reading this they don't care what we think but I know I do care about having a football team here and i'm gonna support them whether y....ly won't do much more this off season..

Hey, Rockport! I was wondering where you've been.

 

[JohnnyTheFox]

He speaks like a pompous know it all, can you imagine the discussions at the dinner table for the Jones family

 

[Bobhaze]

Everything out of his mouth is an attempt to insult most fans intelligence. I'd love to remove the silver spoon from his mouth and stick it where the sun doesnt shine.

RS, don’t be shy…tell us what you really think,

 

[xwalker]

When Stephen Jones speaks, which is far too often, it is makes a little more sense than his Daddy’s unintelligible word salad mixed with a record number of “uh” statements thrown in. Although it’s a little less goofy, SJ’s comments are just as full of baloney as what his old man spews.

SJ has a series of often used standard words and phrases he likes to throw out to the press and fans. Remarkably, he says almost the same thing in a series of words and phrases in every single interview. He would make a great politician because he uses a ton of non-committal phrases that essentially mean either “We won’t be doing that”, “I am lying to you”, or “I’m am trying to make you think we know what we’re doing.” He is a double-speak aficionado.

So let’s look at what SJ commonly says in almost every interview and how that can be translated into what it actually means. Here are Stephen Jones’ favorite words and phrases that are said almost like clockwork in every statement or interview:

• “Certainly”…(THE most used word in SJ’s limited vocabulary. And he knows hundreds more words than his dad, lol)
• “At the end of the day.” (Translation: SJ’s “go to” phrase for “It will all work out”….except it doesn’t)
• “We certainly believe we have found the Secret sauce” (Translation: I’m so arrogant, I can say stupid stuff like this and still keep my job)
• “If the right situation arises.” (Translation: It won’t.)
• On contract negotiations -“We won’t be setting the market.” (Translation: We are about to set the market)
• ”We certainly see _____ being a big part of our future.'' (Translation: Means nothing. Or it could also be the kiss of death)
• “We will certainly look at that.” (Translation: We won’t be looking at that)
• “It’s certainly a possibility.” (Translation: it’s not possible)
• “Because of the cap limitations, we can’t afford to pay most free agents.” (Translation: We don’t know how to manage the cap, so we will lie to our fan base hoping they will believe the lie)
• “Our guys are certainly still playing hard right now.” (Translation: He’s somehow impressed that professional athletes play hard on a bad team)
• “We have great respect for Coach _____”. (Translation: We actually don’t respect any head coach who works here and the fact I’m talking to the press right now proves it)
• ”Jerry certainly believes in keeping options open.” (Translation: We’ve already decided what we’re doing)

This list could “certainly” go on and on. What else does Stephen Jones say that I missed and what does it mean?

Do you listen to the interviews or just read media excerpts?

"Ya Know" is clearly the most used phrase by Stephen Jones if you listen to his interviews...

 

[Bobhaze]

Do you listen to the interviews or just read media excerpts?

"Ya Know" is clearly the most used phrase by Stephen Jones if you listen to his interviews...

Most of the quotes I used were excerpts from written articles.

 

[Cowfan75Lives]

Hey, Rockport! I was wondering where you've been.

Rock uses punctuation. You don't want to read it, but you at least can attempt.

 

[acr731]

Why are you complaining so loudly Blue?

How did he get his talk-to-text to be in bold font?

 

[acr731]

Hey, Rockport! I was wondering where you've been.

I haven't.

 

[fivetwos]

Right 45 different ways to complain in 75 different posts about the GM in the front office before we even see the results if everyone knows the results why don't we just all be quiet and move on to other teams if it bothers everyone so much why do we need to write so much about the same thing over and over and over this is and all offseason all during the season now five months early for next offseason..

can we complaint departments shut down for the freaking holidays already!!!! Yes, captain obvious we get IT, we read the same things we can determine what he means in our own translations we don't need help people you all aren't helping by complaining so much this place is turning into the original Ghostbusters movie where Dallas is going to get overrun by negative and turn the whole place into hell on earth....

LOL jeez!!! Being a fan is a choice we already know the circumstances we don't need help figuring out but you know what I'm gonna be just as excited going into training camp and looking forward to another season as I was the last 25 or more I don't care about the circumstances because we cant control them..

Any shot YOU can shut it down for the holidays??

At least Bob speaks legible English. You say you can’t take the time to be bothered to do so but you also expect everyone to buy into whatever it is you’re saying.

Seriously already, the product and situation stinks and people are going to complain. Get used to it or be gone.

 

[fivetwos]

When Stephen Jones speaks, which is far too often, it is makes a little more sense than his Daddy’s unintelligible word salad mixed with a record number of “uh” statements thrown in. Although it’s a little less goofy, SJ’s comments are just as full of baloney as what his old man spews.

SJ has a series of often used standard words and phrases he likes to throw out to the press and fans. Remarkably, he says almost the same thing in a series of words and phrases in every single interview. He would make a great politician because he uses a ton of non-committal phrases that essentially mean either “We won’t be doing that”, “I am lying to you”, or “I’m am trying to make you think we know what we’re doing.” He is a double-speak aficionado.

So let’s look at what SJ commonly says in almost every interview and how that can be translated into what it actually means. Here are Stephen Jones’ favorite words and phrases that are said almost like clockwork in every statement or interview:

• “Certainly”…(THE most used word in SJ’s limited vocabulary. And he knows hundreds more words than his dad, lol)
• “At the end of the day.” (Translation: SJ’s “go to” phrase for “It will all work out”….except it doesn’t)
• “We certainly believe we have found the Secret sauce” (Translation: I’m so arrogant, I can say stupid stuff like this and still keep my job)
• “If the right situation arises.” (Translation: It won’t.)
• On contract negotiations -“We won’t be setting the market.” (Translation: We are about to set the market)
• ”We certainly see _____ being a big part of our future.'' (Translation: Means nothing. Or it could also be the kiss of death)
• “We will certainly look at that.” (Translation: We won’t be looking at that)
• “It’s certainly a possibility.” (Translation: it’s not possible)
• “Because of the cap limitations, we can’t afford to pay most free agents.” (Translation: We don’t know how to manage the cap, so we will lie to our fan base hoping they will believe the lie)
• “Our guys are certainly still playing hard right now.” (Translation: He’s somehow impressed that professional athletes play hard on a bad team)
• “We have great respect for Coach _____”. (Translation: We actually don’t respect any head coach who works here and the fact I’m talking to the press right now proves it)
• ”Jerry certainly believes in keeping options open.” (Translation: We’ve already decided what we’re doing)

This list could “certainly” go on and on. What else does Stephen Jones say that I missed and what does it mean?

This is good, but need you to do one on Jerry-isms.

“Candidly”

“If you will”

“Make no mistake”

There’s an easy 20 more.

 

[JonesBoys]

Right 45 different ways to complain in 75 different posts about the GM in the front office before we even see the results if everyone knows the results why don't we just all be quiet and move on to other teams if it bothers everyone so much why do we need to write so much about the same thing over and over and over this is and all offseason all during the season now five months early for next offseason..

can we complaint departments shut down for the freaking holidays already!!!! Yes, captain obvious we get IT, we read the same things we can determine what he means in our own translations we don't need help people you all aren't helping by complaining so much this place is turning into the original Ghostbusters movie where Dallas is going to get overrun by negative and turn the whole place into hell on earth....

LOL jeez!!! Being a fan is a choice we already know the circumstances we don't need help figuring out but you know what I'm gonna be just as excited going into training camp and looking forward to another season as I was the last 25 or more I don't care about the circumstances because we cant control them..

Well, since we can't talk about success unless we are talking about ancient history, then what else are we talking about? It is what it is.

 

[DallasEast]

Right 45 different ways to complain in 75 different posts about the GM in the front office before we even see the results if everyone knows the results why don't we just all be quiet and move on to other teams if it bothers everyone so much why do we need to write so much about the same thing over and over and over this is and all offseason all during the season now five months early for next offseason..

can we complaint departments shut down for the freaking holidays already!!!! Yes, captain obvious we get IT, we read the same things we can determine what he means in our own translations we don't need help people you all aren't helping by complaining so much this place is turning into the original Ghostbusters movie where Dallas is going to get overrun by negative and turn the whole place into hell on earth....

LOL jeez!!! Being a fan is a choice we already know the circumstances we don't need help figuring out but you know what I'm gonna be just as excited going into training camp and looking forward to another season as I was the last 25 or more I don't care about the circumstances because we cant control them..

The urge is strong to make an animated gif of Steve Carell's news desk scene from Bruce Almighty...

 

[Gonzomandela01]

You could have saved some time by saying just think the opposite of what Stephen said.

 

[KingCorcoran]

Right 45 different ways to complain in 75 different posts about the GM in the front office before we even see the results if everyone knows the results why don't we just all be quiet and move on to other teams if it bothers everyone so much why do we need to write so much about the same thing over and over and over this is and all offseason all during the season now five months early for next offseason..

can we complaint departments shut down for the freaking holidays already!!!! Yes, captain obvious we get IT, we read the same things we can determine what he means in our own translations we don't need help people you all aren't helping by complaining so much this place is turning into the original Ghostbusters movie where Dallas is going to get overrun by negative and turn the whole place into hell on earth....

LOL jeez!!! Being a fan is a choice we already know the circumstances we don't need help figuring out but you know what I'm gonna be just as excited going into training camp and looking forward to another season as I was the last 25 or more I don't care about the circumstances because we cant control them..

It was a great post. The proper use of punctuation automatically makes it better than any of yours.

 

[plasticman]

Right 45 different ways to complain in 75 different posts about the GM in the front office before we even see the results if everyone knows the results why don't we just all be quiet and move on to other teams if it bothers everyone so much why do we need to write so much about the same thing over and over and over this is and all offseason all during the season now five months early for next offseason..

can we complaint departments shut down for the freaking holidays already!!!! Yes, captain obvious we get IT, we read the same things we can determine what he means in our own translations we don't need help people you all aren't helping by complaining so much this place is turning into the original Ghostbusters movie where Dallas is going to get overrun by negative and turn the whole place into hell on earth....

LOL jeez!!! Being a fan is a choice we already know the circumstances we don't need help figuring out but you know what I'm gonna be just as excited going into training camp and looking forward to another season as I was the last 25 or more I don't care about the circumstances because we cant control them..

You are the kind of fan that Jerry would consider perfect.

Being a Cowboys fan for "25 or more" years implies that you have been a fan only as long as Jerry has been running football operations. You have no frame of reference. You don't know what success looks like.

Being a fan of a team doesn't mean that you love everything they do 100% of the time. When someone has had a happy marriage for 50 years it doesn't mean that they were happy every hour of every day of every year for those 50 years. there were days, weeks and even months when they couldn't stand each other.

If every team had the same number of fans in the NFL then only about 3% would be happy with their team at the end of the season.

Being a fan of a particular team means that you suffer more than you celebrate. If that wasn't true, then fans wouldn't celebrate a championship with a parade.

Are fans crazy? Of course they are! Otherwise, they wouldn't be called fans, short for fanatic. It is a fan's right to criticize, analyze, prophesize and realize that their team typically falls short of the goal set by every team at the beginning of the year.

It's only natural for a fan to discuss the team's shortcomings among each other and express opinions about what is missing or what needs to be done.

Most Cowboys fans are too sophisticated to reduce their fanship to being nothing more than mechanical, empty-headed, pom-pom waving robots.

 

[CWR]

You are the kind of fan that Jerry would consider perfect.

Being a Cowboys fan for "25 or more" years implies that you have been a fan only as long as Jerry has been running football operations. You have no frame of reference. You don't know what success looks like.

Being a fan of a team doesn't mean that you love everything they do 100% of the time. When someone has had a happy marriage for 50 years it doesn't mean that they were happy every hour of every day of every year for those 50 years. there were days, weeks and even months when they couldn't stand each other.

If every team had the same number of fans in the NFL then only about 3% would be happy with their team at the end of the season.

Being a fan of a particular team means that you suffer more than you celebrate. If that wasn't true, then fans wouldn't celebrate a championship with a parade.

Are fans crazy? Of course they are! Otherwise, they wouldn't be called fans, short for fanatic. It is a fan's right to criticize, analyze, prophesize and realize that their team typically falls short of the goal set by every team at the beginning of the year.

It's only natural for a fan to discuss the team's shortcomings among each other and express opinions about what is missing or what needs to be done.

Most Cowboys fans are too sophisticated to reduce their fanship to being nothing more than mechanical, empty-headed, pom-pom waving robots.

Make no mistake the majority are fans of the team, the star, the history, the memories and the personal connection we associate with these guys every Sunday.

Never at any point did we agree to be fans of the GM/Owner. Most of us were here before him and we will still be Cowboy fans after he's gone. He can have his name on the title, but hes temporary. This is OUR TEAM. Jerry is just passing through.