We are raising a generation of deluded narcissists

[Stryker44]

I'm in the education field. I think alot of this has to do with the sheer amount of social media and gadgets kids are raised on these days.

When I was in high school I didn't have a Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, Skype, etc. The Internet was just coming into play. There were no iphones, ipods, ipads.

I think alot of these high tech toys sort of put kids in a bubble where they are encouraged to inflate their own self-esteem through their own deluded narcissism.

 

[WV Cowboy]

Earlier in this thread, it was mentioned that some parents are always telling their kids that they are special, that they are one of a kind, that they are the best, yada yada yada, .. even if they are really just average.

Which only promotes an egotistical self illusion.

I have been coaching for ~20 years now, so I have seen many things change, many things come and go over the years.

Let me tell you something that I just am starting to see, which blew me away.

I have one boy on my team whose Dad is about 5'8", and I can tell his parents told him how awesome he is, because he thinks he is awesome and was this great athlete, and college material in football. He will tell you all about it.

The Mom dresses and struts around like she is a '10' when she is more like a '4'. (no offense) I am sure her parents always told her she was beautiful and perfect.

Now here is the part that caught me off-guard. Their son is just like them, very average. He is a great kid who is just like they are, .. the spitting image of them, which is neat I think.

But since he is not "special" like their parents told them they were, or he is not "perfect" like their parents must have told them they were, or "one of a kind" like they think they are, .. they cut him down, always point out his weaknesses, and are generally always telling me how he comes up short.

Their self illusion / delusion of themselves has caused them to think he does not measure up, .. when he is just like they are.

I did not see that coming.

But it may be something that is starting with the generation that was always told that they were special and perfect and grew up believing it. They think they are perfect and wonderful, .. and the kid can't measure up to that. But neither do they actually.

 

[rynochop]

Eh, when we were kids everyone said similar stuff about us. We didn't have Atari in our day! We played outside!
It's a sign your getting old when this talk happens.ha

 

[theogt]

I'm in the education field. I think alot of this has to do with the sheer amount of social media and gadgets kids are raised on these days.

When I was in high school I didn't have a Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, Skype, etc. The Internet was just coming into play. There were no iphones, ipods, ipads.

I think alot of these high tech toys sort of put kids in a bubble where they are encouraged to inflate their own self-esteem through their own deluded narcissism.

I don't think that's it at all, because this didn't happen just now. It began happening with the generation born in the early to mid 80s and is extremely pronounced in the generation that was born in the late 80s to early 90s.

 

[arglebargle]

Wish I hadn't lost the list of 'Kids these days' quotes, some going back thousands of years. Most of them could be added to this thread, all with apparant applicability.

 

[TheCount]

I don't think that's it at all, because this didn't happen just now. It began happening with the generation born in the early to mid 80s and is extremely pronounced in the generation that was born in the late 80s to early 90s.

I take it you're not a part of any of those generations? :laugh2:

 

[CanadianCowboysFan]

You forgot ethics in general and morality.

perhaps "morality" has simply evolved.

 

[CanadianCowboysFan]

Earlier in this thread, it was mentioned that some parents are always telling their kids that they are special, that they are one of a kind, that they are the best, yada yada yada, .. even if they are really just average.

would you rather parents tell their children they are garbage and really why play that sport, you are crap and won't amount to anything so why bother?

 

[Teren_Kanan]

would you rather parents tell their children they are garbage and really why play that sport, you are crap and won't amount to anything so why bother?

Could try telling the truth. The middle ground area. It's crazy talk I know. It doesn't have to be either the kid is a useless sot or an amazing special person.

 

[CanadianCowboysFan]

Could try telling the truth. The middle ground area. It's crazy talk I know. It doesn't have to be either the kid is a useless sot or an amazing special person.

truth is, we all see our children as amazingly special.

 

[WV Cowboy]

would you rather parents tell their children they are garbage and really why play that sport, you are crap and won't amount to anything so why bother?

Sure, that's what I meant.

Nobody but you would jump from my point to that conclusion.

I would say honesty would be a good place to start.

Celebrate what they are good at.

Show them how to improve where they lack.

Explain to them that they won't always win, that they won't always get a trophy, that they won't always be the shortstop, or the QB, or the star of the team, ... and that it is ok if they aren't.

Telling them that they are something that they aren't can't be good, because sooner or later they will figure out for themself that you were wrong when the world punches them in the mouth with that fact.

Just be honest with your kids and help them be what they want to be, encourage them, work with them to be as good as they can, ... whatever level that might be.

 

[arglebargle]

Just a few I found while idly wandering around the internet.

"Many children today are greatly to be pitied because too much is done for them and dictated to them and they are deprived of the learning processes. We seem to have dropped into an age of entertaining, a breathless going from one sensation to another, whether it be mechanical toys for the five-year-old or moving-picture plays for the sixteen-year-old. It not only destroys their power to think, but also makes happiness, contentment, and resourcefulness impossible. At seventeen, life is spoken of as "so dull" if there is not "something doing" every waking hour."



That's from Gail Harrison, "Modern Psychology in its Relation to Discipline", Journal of Proceedings and Lectures 53:658-661, National Education Association of the United States, 1915.

Or this, from Edna G. Meeker and Charles H. English, "Home Play", The Playground, 1922:

"A few years ago there was no such choice of recreational activities as is offered today and the family was more nearly a unit in participation. Now there is a noticeable disintegration in interests which is a large factor in breaking down family solidarity. Parents lament their inability to understand or influence their children today. Parental respect and the bonds of fellowship and sympathy seem to have weakened. The socially-minded student points to these conditions as indices to more serious complications."

http://languagelog.ldc.upenn.edu/nll/?p=2177

Also:

"I’m going to focus on this statement, “Instead I will proceed to the crux of this disastrous business. You see, parents no longer threaten their children or bar them from the table or the baths if they are negligent, nor yet do they punish them so, or threaten that they will expel them, disinherit them, leave their inheritance to someone else. They can’t approve but they dare not blame. They have changed position with them, so that the sons wear angry looks and the parents cower before them. Students get this licence and sleep, snore, drink, and get drunk, and hold high revelry, and make it plain to the teachers that, unless they put up with any and everything, they will go off to someone else and their fathers won’t stop them. And the wretched parents, as Andromache did, connive at their sons’ desires.” ((Libanius, 4th Century AD))

Yup, those kids – they aren’t like they used to be. And it’s all their parents’ fault. This, along with wistful recollections of “the good old days” come up all the time in the sources. The reason I like this is it displays a commonality of attitudes and opinions from over 1500 years ago with those of today...."

https://medievalhistorygeek.wordpress.com/tag/roman-literary-culture/

 

[jnday]

would you rather parents tell their children they are garbage and really why play that sport, you are crap and won't amount to anything so why bother?

Since I am the one that started the "special" conversation let me reply. You clearly missed the point or you choose to ignore it. Do you think it is healthy to lie to your child when life is going to slap them in the face and expose the lie? All that will result is resentment and hurt feelings. A child should be encouraged and supported, but not lied to. A child needs to understand that they will not be the best at everything, but with some hard work, they can get better. There is no shame in being an average Joe, but it is a shame when kids are lead to believe that they are something that they are not. Honesty goes a long ways with a child and they can handle the truth.

 

[WV Cowboy]

I agree it is the parenting, or the lack of good parenting.

My boys never had a computer, TV, or video games in their room. That way we could stay on top of what they watched and how much time they spent doing it.

We spent as much time with them outdoors that we could.

They told me their curfew was the earliest of their frineds, .. not sure that was true or just their way of trying to extend theirs.

We took them to church, .. and we practiced and lived our beliefs daily in front of them.

And now, my oldest is 35, active in church, and a father himself. My youngest is 29, lives and works 90 minutes away. We are all best friends.

I still wish I had done a better job.

Your children are the amount of time that you invest in them.

 

[jnday]

perhaps "morality" has simply evolved.

Morality is the same. It is those that try to create a new definition for their benefit that causes problems. There is no changing of right and wrong.

 

[vta]

I agree it is the parenting, or the lack of good parenting.

My boys never had a computer, TV, or video games in their room. That way we could stay on top of what they watched and how much time they spent doing it.

We spent as much time with them outdoors that we could.

They told me their curfew was the earliest of their frineds, .. not sure that was true or just their way of trying to extend theirs.

We took them to church, .. and we practiced and lived our beliefs daily in front of them.

And now, my oldest is 35, active in church, and a father himself. My youngest is 29, lives and works 90 minutes away. We are all best friends.

I still wish I had done a better job.

Your children are the amount of time that you invest in them.

The problem with that is there's always a counter argument because good parents end up with crap kids and good kids come from crap circumstances. It can't entirely be parenting. It can't entirely be peer pressure; it can't entirely be entertainment and it can't entirely be moral equivocation.

I agree parents have the largest role in setting the ground work, but unfortunately it's not a guarantee and there are other factors that are going to make an impact and more often than not they work together to create a larger problem than any singular aspect of culture can do on it's own.

 

[WV Cowboy]

The problem with that is there's always a counter argument because good parents end up with crap kids and good kids come from crap circumstances. It can't entirely be parenting. It can't entirely be peer pressure; it can't entirely be entertainment and it can't entirely be moral equivocation.

I agree parents have the largest role in setting the ground work, but unfortunately it's not a guarantee and there are other factors that are going to make an impact and more often than not they work together to create a larger problem than any singular aspect of culture can do on it's own.

Oh, there is always a counter argument. But parents need to take the time and devote themselves to the task of raising their children. Good parenting is never an accident, and it can make all of the difference in the world. If someone is not serious about making that commitment, they should rethink that choice.

 

[Galian Beast]

Morality is the same. It is those that try to create a new definition for their benefit that causes problems. There is no changing of right and wrong.

The perception of what is moral certainly changes. And through the last page or so it's become clear what this really is. People venting about the change in society that doesn't reflect how they were raised or what they feel is right and projecting those beliefs as concrete conclusions as to why things aren't going great today.

It's like saying there was a car accident because little jimmy played video games too much last night. Fascinating.

 

[CanadianCowboysFan]

Morality is the same. It is those that try to create a new definition for their benefit that causes problems. There is no changing of right and wrong.

I disagree. It evolves over time. Years ago, it was considered moral to beat your children, wife, own slaves etc. Now it is immoral.

Years ago, there were many societies with plural marriages, that was "moral", now it is isn't.

Single women were sent away if pregnant and basically forced to give up their children because being a "loose" woman was evil and bad, now they don't have to do so.

Society evolves and nothing is static.

 

[Teren_Kanan]

I disagree. It evolves over time. Years ago, it was considered moral to beat your children, wife, own slaves etc. Now it is immoral.

Years ago, there were many societies with plural marriages, that was "moral", now it is isn't.

Single women were sent away if pregnant and basically forced to give up their children because being a "loose" woman was evil and bad, now they don't have to do so.

Society evolves and nothing is static.

Agree.

Morality is also based on opinion. 2 "good" people may have drastically different "morals" over certain points. You can take any 2 people no matter how alike they are, and probably find a spot where they disagree on what is morally correct.

In the end, the majority (society) will more or less draw the line on what is morally acceptable and what isn't, but it is ever changing with the times, as society itself changes.

Two different societies, even in the same time, will have drastically different views on morality.