Happily Married?

[JoeyBoy718]

lol. I am working on my 3rd divorce as we speak. Unless you can find an only child-lady lawyer/doctor with a rich family, and owns a liquor store...stay single. Remember the words of the great late Henry Bukowski..." Regard the society of woman as a necessary evil to be avoided whenever possible?

You mean Charles Bukowski? He calls himself Hank Chinaski in his stories.

There's a really good movie based on one of his novels called Factotum starring Matt Dillon.

 

[rynochop]

Was married 10 years with two separations in between, can't imagine doing it again, it's too expensive if it doesn't work.
While the heavy relationship has some good points, not having to beg and plead to go play freaking golf for a few hours, or go fishing, or having a few beers without them being counted is better.

 

[Reality]

I think one of the biggest mistakes people make in their lives is assuming that marriage solves a problem of some kind such as financial security, loneliness, insecurity, control issues, co-dependence, etc.

When you find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, they should feel the same way. Getting married as a way to "protect" that used to provide an artificial layer of complexity that would prevent a quick out if things got rough or you had a disagreement over something. People no longer view divorce as the negative stigma it once was long ago. So, marriage becomes more of an annoying obstacle toward your escape and return to your old life should things not work out, and more often than not, they do not.

When you find that special person you feel is "the one", that in itself should be all you need at least in the short term. If you both feel that way and the relationship has a solid foundation, marriage should really only be about publicly declaring yourself to the person and everything else should not matter or factor into it, and the only way you will ever reach that point is over a long enough period of time where you have encountered enough ups and downs both in your life and in your relationship to know for sure this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

 

[strollinruss]

Ok, we've been married for 10 yrs+. Half the time I'm looking cross eyed walking backwards to keep from saying something that will be wrong. But, I can honestly say my life has been fuller and more rewarding since we got hitched. It's about 50/50 on the happily part, but I've flourished as a person since.

 

[mrmojo]

Been happily divorced for 10 years now, don't think I'll ever take the plunge again but never say never. No regrets though because I got my daughter out of it. My ex is remarried and we still get along, I've been seeing someone for the last few years and it seems to be working out without the paper. I'm happy, I may be just one of those people who wasn't meant to be married. ....or maybe I just never found the right one.

 

[MichaelWinicki]

Married 32 years.

It's been a great marriage.

My wife and I were more alike more than we were different, especially when it came to managing money and our expectations in life.

I can count the number of "yelling" arguments on one-hand. They simply did not or do not happen.

I commend my wife– Our household runs like a fine Swiss watch, which I attribute to her. And part of that is her helping me run my business.

I'm the entrepreneurial type and she's a bit more organized than me which has kept me in line over the years.

When you look up the word "partner" she's it.

While I don't believe in the whole "soul-mate" thing (I think there are many people out there that can work with us to provide a loving, fulfilling relationship) I'm very lucky I found her.

 

[MichaelWinicki]

I think one of the biggest mistakes people make in their lives is assuming that marriage solves a problem of some kind such as financial security, loneliness, insecurity, control issues, co-dependence, etc.

When you find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, they should feel the same way. Getting married as a way to "protect" that used to provide an artificial layer of complexity that would prevent a quick out if things got rough or you had a disagreement over something. People no longer view divorce as the negative stigma it once was long ago. So, marriage becomes more of an annoying obstacle toward your escape and return to your old life should things not work out, and more often than not, they do not.

When you find that special person you feel is "the one", that in itself should be all you need at least in the short term. If you both feel that way and the relationship has a solid foundation, marriage should really only be about publicly declaring yourself to the person and everything else should not matter or factor into it, and the only way you will ever reach that point is over a long enough period of time where you have encountered enough ups and downs both in your life and in your relationship to know for sure this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Great post.

But I think there's more than "the one" out there... I truly do. I think a lot of it has to do with your likes/dislikes and expectations.

 

[MichaelWinicki]

While the heavy relationship has some good points, not having to beg and plead to go play freaking golf for a few hours, or go fishing, or having a few beers without them being counted is better.

I think if you are in a situation where the situations like this exist (can't do some things now and again without being hit with a guilt trip or a reprimand) then I gotta say you picked the wrong person. Yeah, I know that sounds like a jerk-thing to post but I definitely believe it.

 

[Reality]

Great post.

But I think there's more than "the one" out there... I truly do. I think a lot of it has to do with your likes/dislikes and expectations.

Oh I agree I was referring to when someone thinks they have "the one" to rule them al.. I mean just "the one"

A lot of it has to do with timing. We all change as we get older, from both our activity levels to our careers and personal hobbies and interests. What we have in common today with someone may not be there 10-15 years from now. When you hear the phrase, "we grew apart" it does not always means they lost affection for each other, but also their interests deviated in different directions.

When you are young, you tend to do more things with other people and miss each other when apart. As you get older, your social circles decrease because everyone has their own families and interests that take their time away as they age. The one consistent person will be your significant other, and sharing a lot of the same interests will help keep the relationship strong by spending more enjoyable time with each other.

 

[haleyrules]

You mean Charles Bukowski? He calls himself Hank Chinaski in his stories.

There's a really good movie based on one of his novels called Factotum starring Matt Dillon.

Well, he was born Hienrich Karl Bukowski= Henry Charles.

 

[haleyrules]

You mean Charles Bukowski? He calls himself Hank Chinaski in his stories.

There's a really good movie based on one of his novels called Factotum starring Matt Dillon.

Barfly with Rourke is much better.

 

[Biggems]

I am very happy. I love the hell out of my wife. She takes great care of me. Also, she is quite the eye candy and looks very youthful. I tummy loves her beyond words. I am a calmer, more content, more relaxed person thanks to her. I feel blessed to have here by my side. She is my best friend and my partner for life. I never thought I could experience so much joy and love, until she walked into my life. So yes, I am absurdedly happy.

 

[Tabascocat]

It has been mentioned, but there is one important thing in marriage to me.....make sure is is smart and can carry a conversation. If your wife is dumber than a box of rocks, no matter what she looks like, life will get real old rather quickly. There aren't many topics that can sustain a long-lasting relationship if your significant other doesn't have the mental capacity to talk about any one of them.

Once the honeymoon phase wears off and a few years down the road, things can and will take a wrong turn. Make sure each involved shares common interests.

 

[Doomsday101]

 

[DFWJC]

I am very happy. I love the hell out of my wife. She takes great care of me. Also, she is quite the eye candy and looks very youthful. I tummy loves her beyond words. I am a calmer, more content, more relaxed person thanks to her. I feel blessed to have here by my side. She is my best friend and my partner for life. I never thought I could experience so much joy and love, until she walked into my life. So yes, I am absurdedly happy.

Lucky man!

 

[jwooten15]

Oh I agree I was referring to when someone thinks they have "the one" to rule them al.. I mean just "the one"

A lot of it has to do with timing. We all change as we get older, from both our activity levels to our careers and personal hobbies and interests. What we have in common today with someone may not be there 10-15 years from now. When you hear the phrase, "we grew apart" it does not always means they lost affection for each other, but also their interests deviated in different directions.

When you are young, you tend to do more things with other people and miss each other when apart. As you get older, your social circles decrease because everyone has their own families and interests that take their time away as they age. The one consistent person will be your significant other, and sharing a lot of the same interests will help keep the relationship strong by spending more enjoyable time with each other.

So true. The timing part is absolutely critical. And I see a lot of time, people try to force their relationship to work because of the attraction (mental and/or physical) they have with the other person.

 

[jwooten15]

I am very happy. I love the hell out of my wife. She takes great care of me. Also, she is quite the eye candy and looks very youthful. I tummy loves her beyond words. I am a calmer, more content, more relaxed person thanks to her. I feel blessed to have here by my side. She is my best friend and my partner for life. I never thought I could experience so much joy and love, until she walked into my life. So yes, I am absurdedly happy.

Can I ask, how long have you guys been together?

 

[jwooten15]

I love that show!

 

[Cowboys_22]

I met a girl while attending a Technical School. After 3 months, I knew she was for me. I got a job 3 weeks later and asked her to marry me. She said yes ( which scared me) We were married 3 weeks later. Not a shotgun wedding lol

That was 40+ years ago. We had 3 kids and now 4 grandkids and one in the basket.

I can't imagine life without her. She is the most important person in our family and I treat her that way. She's a great cook, great housekeeper, very good looking and God fearing person.

I'm a blessed man. Oh and she is a Cowboy fan too!

 

[JoeyBoy718]

Barfly with Rourke is much better.

Yeah I liked that movie. Actually if you want to see a movie that's similar to Barfly starring Steve Buscemi, check out Trees Lounge.