Just want you to know I'm 100% behind you.
I didn't struggle w/ alcoholism myself, but in my late 20's I was drinking so much that I finally just quit for 3 years. I'm now a social drinker, which means I was never an alcoholic, lucky for me. True alcoholics can't social drink. Kinda like smoking for me. I quit smoking about 8 yrs ago, and I can never take even another puff. I'm terrified that it'll put me right back on the smoke wagon.
We all have our demons, and kudos to you for trying to figure out just how bad a demon alcohol is to you. I only drink on weekends, don't allow myself to touch it during the week. Works for me, everyone has to figure out what works for them individually.