Morning Pops and all y'all. I want to share some good news.
I have been on a roller coaster ride I could never imagine that started a year ago and this past week it smoothed out to that really pleasant level straight away where you are just coasting. And in the "you're a mystery and this is a rare case" department comes a new one.
Had my labs done last Friday and an appointment with my oncologist on Wednesday. As my results drifted into the portal, most looked about the same, not really bad but not great either, until this CA 19-9 result came in.
CA 19-9 is known as one of the 2 tumor markers and the redline for that is 32 but just as important are large jumps from lab to lab. In the past 3 labs, mine has gone from a 9 to a 16 to a 28. I asked if dropping this back was a normal happening and was told it is not, not a dramatic drop anyway. This led my oncologist to "the talk" about the end of life procedure, at my request, and the steps that I am all too familiar with from the experience with my wife.
7!!!! It dropped to a 7!!!! And that 7 deserves !'s because my oncologist was really surprised at the drop and pointed out yet another example where trying to predict the path of this is really difficult. She told me a drop like that isn't remotely normal and she can only assume that once my system can rid itself of bilirubin, a 0.0 this time, it returns to addressing the invader in my body. That and all the things I am doing to help my body. She is aware of a few but doesn't like to dwell on that because of the possible ripple effect in her chemo/radiation world. I know she is happy for me and she was really smiling this last time but still, someone taking the path least taken and still walking it 6 months after their expiration date represents thoughts she cannot entertain in her life's chosen work.
Part of this roller coaster ride is my fault, I let it take me instead of exerting some self-control with it. I live in the "waiting for the other shoe to drop" world and I am vigorously fighting that and celebrating my "victories" as long as I can and trying to smooth the ride out. My positive mental attitude about this has been my strongest ally and I have let my guard down too easily when the news was not what I wanted to hear.
The irony of this is before this happened, I could care less about living or dying and wished for death more than I did life. But this has given me a purpose that I did not have before and I know part of this is sharing this journey with others which I have openly done.
I know Bullet, Jan and Xelda are survivors and the conventional treatment saved them but I don't think they were given a death sentence and one with not much wiggle room so my decision was a lot easier. The real positive of this is I have never wavered from this course, had second thoughts or had any regrets.
The real payoff of this journey is discovering so many people that care about and for me. I had turned my back on humanity but this journey opened me up to that side I had not witnessed enough and returned my faith and I think that is the real reason all of this has happened. I was willfully blind and had just given up.
