I am a 53 male with a disability and getting divorced...25 years married. Believe me I was willing to cross an ocean to make it work, in the end she wouldn't even leap over a puddle for me ... I feel like the biggest fool.
Hey my brother. Lukin. It’s normal to self loathe, to feel like a fool, to feel depressed. To feel like you wasted time and maybe part of your life. Take the good from it, as hard as is it. Take what you learned from it. Grow from it.
I come from a broken to hell marriage. Half my fault, half hers. It still kills me on the inside, but I leaned that sabotaging my own life to make myself not feel the hurt... well it has nearly killed me several times. This is real. It’s outright sad some of these responses blowing it off as a statistic with a clapper response from others that are hurt and know no other way than to join the fray and clap it on as “well, join the club.”
There is no club for this pain. I’m with you, Lukin. I know.
But there is a light at the end of the tunnel, my brother. For me it was realizing there was beauty at first, there was truth at first, and within that truth and beauty and learned experience, you can grow and realize the fruit of the years invested in your relationship.
These people laughing are chiding away the pain. Let em. They probly went through similar troubles as yourself and their defense mech is that of under-developed rationalization.
Don’t concentrate on the stats. The stupid numbers. Concentrate on what you learned. It’s so so so hard when that much time has been invested in one person. A person you loved and adored at one time.
It’s hard to make light of so much energy invested, seemingly lost.
Know that none of it was a waste, and that it can be turned into a experience that you can grow from and turn into a beautiful relationship going forward, with a new woman, alone, children, family, whatever it is.
It is painful, and I am not trying to placate you or lessen your pain.
I have been taught to find the silver lining, from some very competent therapists.
I know you, and I know your mind can wrap around this and probly figure it out. Or you sink and don’t swim, even with obvious hints that it’ll be okay. In that same vein, that same token, it is very easy to get lost in the sorrow.
Just know it gets easier. You have to stick it out, my friend. You have so much more life to live, so much more love to give.
) . You're not an outlier.
