Separated/Divorce

lukin2006

lukin2006

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I see my lawyer Monday ... he needs to se me after I told him what's been going on. Glad he's in my corner... I have a feeling I'll need to go to court ...
 
Montanalo

Montanalo

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lukin2006 said:
I am absolutely done doing anything for my soon to be ex wife. She told me she was having trouble affording a lawyer. So I talked to my lawyer, he said "when both parties trust each other, they can agree to the particulars" my lawyer would write the agreement and all she has to do is take it too a lawyer and have him check it and for her to sign it. She was suppose to come over today and finalize the particulars, she couldn't even do that. No more trust, I told her to get her own lawyer. She is 2 weeks behind in money she owes me. If she falls to far behind Ill never see my money. I am will completely broke when this divorce happens. I am living in a nightmare, I helped with her UK trip ... ever since she got back she has been shafting me. I had to cancel my little 5 day vacation to central Ontario because of her. I do not understand ... she blew up marriage ... she has to accept responsibility ...

The sad part for her is I was going to offer her a plan based on her income from last year $65 000, this year her income is closer to $75 000 ... Now I want everything done based on her actual income. She just keeps digging a deeper hole. But it's also costing me, especially health wise ... I am so stressed. I want a separation agreement and her out of my life completely.
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FYI - any money she owes you, but is unpaid, could qualify for interest due on the unpaid amount.

May sound mean, but it will get her attention,
 
lukin2006

lukin2006

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ColoCowboy said:
FYI - any money she owes you, but is unpaid, could qualify for interest due on the unpaid amount.

May sound mean, but it will get her attention,
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I am going after her for all she owes .... even interest. She has lied to me for the last time...
 
Xelda

Xelda

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Ok, let me lay it out for you since you are new to this. Ex's cannot be trusted PERIOD! ok, now period. I don't know anything about this woman other than what you've told us. Is she an alcoholic, on drugs or suffers from some form of mental instability? I don't know. Coming out of a 25 year marriage says she's an adult, but she's not behaving responsibly. People deal with things differently, I personally drew my line in the sand and made things on my side in color and the other side black and white. Is the relationship salvageable? Yes or No, there is no maybe. If it's no then get in your boat and row away (metaphorically speaking). Don't be swayed by any of her words, they are all self serving.

What you are going through now is the hardest part. Freedom is on the other side of this. Clean streams and fresh mountain air.
 
Montanalo

Montanalo

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Xelda said:
Ok, let me lay it out for you since you are new to this. Ex's cannot be trusted PERIOD! ok, now period. I don't know anything about this woman other than what you've told us. Is she an alcoholic, on drugs or suffers from some form of mental instability? I don't know. Coming out of a 25 year marriage says she's an adult, but she's not behaving responsibly. People deal with things differently, I personally drew my line in the sand and made things on my side in color and the other side black and white. Is the relationship salvageable? Yes or No, there is no maybe. If it's no then get in your boat and row away (metaphorically speaking). Don't be swayed by any of her words, they are all self serving.

What you are going through now is the hardest part. Freedom is on the other side of this. Clean streams and fresh mountain air.
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I am reminded of the old Perry Mason TV show: "Permission to treat the witness as hostile". I am not suggesting that one should be mean to an ex, but, as you state, they can't be trusted.
 
CouchCoach

CouchCoach

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Xelda said:
Ok, let me lay it out for you since you are new to this. Ex's cannot be trusted PERIOD! ok, now period. I don't know anything about this woman other than what you've told us. Is she an alcoholic, on drugs or suffers from some form of mental instability? I don't know. Coming out of a 25 year marriage says she's an adult, but she's not behaving responsibly. People deal with things differently, I personally drew my line in the sand and made things on my side in color and the other side black and white. Is the relationship salvageable? Yes or No, there is no maybe. If it's no then get in your boat and row away (metaphorically speaking). Don't be swayed by any of her words, they are all self serving.

What you are going through now is the hardest part. Freedom is on the other side of this. Clean streams and fresh mountain air.
Click to expand...
If she can't afford a lawyer, reconciliation might be an option in her mind but you have to ask yourself if that would truly make you happy. From what you've shared with us, bridges might have been set on fire but not burned down completely and words in a post do not convey emotion well.

Sounds really easy for me to say it but Lukey, you need to decide what you really want and what will make you happy for the long term, not immediately, but down the road.

This all started off some time ago with you wanting to make it work and she wasn't meeting you even halfway. I've seen you go through some changes, from reading your posts, to the other side of that and please do not take this the wrong way because I like you but I only know one side. I know your perception of what is going on without a lot of details like Xelda referred to and I have seen advice handed out from others, all with nothing but the best intentions, but the one thing none of us knows and only you and your wife can answer. Can you two be happy with each other? Not make each other happy, that's not the key at all. And it is not enough to just love each other. I have friends that are divorced and still love each other but they cannot be happy together.

You, you, not any of us with our well intentioned advice, need to decide what you want and make that happen as expeditiously as possible and get to working on being happy. If we do not more forward, it is very easy to move down.
 
Rockport

Rockport

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Xelda said:
Ok, let me lay it out for you since you are new to this. Ex's cannot be trusted PERIOD! ok, now period. I don't know anything about this woman other than what you've told us. Is she an alcoholic, on drugs or suffers from some form of mental instability? I don't know. Coming out of a 25 year marriage says she's an adult, but she's not behaving responsibly. People deal with things differently, I personally drew my line in the sand and made things on my side in color and the other side black and white. Is the relationship salvageable? Yes or No, there is no maybe. If it's no then get in your boat and row away (metaphorically speaking). Don't be swayed by any of her words, they are all self serving.

What you are going through now is the hardest part. Freedom is on the other side of this. Clean streams and fresh mountain air.
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That getting in the boat and rowing away sounds intriguing....
 
lukin2006

lukin2006

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Xelda said:
Ok, let me lay it out for you since you are new to this. Ex's cannot be trusted PERIOD! ok, now period. I don't know anything about this woman other than what you've told us. Is she an alcoholic, on drugs or suffers from some form of mental instability? I don't know. Coming out of a 25 year marriage says she's an adult, but she's not behaving responsibly. People deal with things differently, I personally drew my line in the sand and made things on my side in color and the other side black and white. Is the relationship salvageable? Yes or No, there is no maybe. If it's no then get in your boat and row away (metaphorically speaking). Don't be swayed by any of her words, they are all self serving.

What you are going through now is the hardest part. Freedom is on the other side of this. Clean streams and fresh mountain air.
Click to expand...

No she is not a substance abuser that I know of, can't speak to her mental state. There is no trust left that I can see, I certainly don't trust her. She's dragging her feet for some reason, The best I can tell is she is having seconds thoughts, but that ship has sailed. he claims she seeing a lawyer this week, I hope.
 
lukin2006

lukin2006

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CouchCoach said:
If she can't afford a lawyer, reconciliation might be an option in her mind but you have to ask yourself if that would truly make you happy. From what you've shared with us, bridges might have been set on fire but not burned down completely and words in a post do not convey emotion well.

Sounds really easy for me to say it but Lukey, you need to decide what you really want and what will make you happy for the long term, not immediately, but down the road.

This all started off some time ago with you wanting to make it work and she wasn't meeting you even halfway. I've seen you go through some changes, from reading your posts, to the other side of that and please do not take this the wrong way because I like you but I only know one side. I know your perception of what is going on without a lot of details like Xelda referred to and I have seen advice handed out from others, all with nothing but the best intentions, but the one thing none of us knows and only you and your wife can answer. Can you two be happy with each other? Not make each other happy, that's not the key at all. And it is not enough to just love each other. I have friends that are divorced and still love each other but they cannot be happy together.

You, you, not any of us with our well intentioned advice, need to decide what you want and make that happen as expeditiously as possible and get to working on being happy. If we do not more forward, it is very easy to move down.
Click to expand...

I want is for her to get to a lawyer and get an agreement done. I have to constantly remind her that ending the marriage was her choice. To me there is no going back at this stage, I know longer trust her. Could I be happy with her inside the marriage, oddly with marriage counselling the marriage is doable. The one thing she has to understand is that she is responsible for her own happiness, I can neither take away from her happiness, nor add to her happiness ... I am moving into my own place in 2 months and by me doing that, it will add to my happiness for sure. I am making the right choices for myself. I just want to get an agreement done, get the matrimonial home closed. I think it's best at this point to let my lawyer negotiate the deal. I have tried very hard to work with her, this morning I was prepared to offer her a sweet heart deal, just to get a deal done and move on. That's how frustrating this is...if had more hair, I'd have pulled it out by now.
 

kskboys

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lukin2006 said:
I want is for her to get to a lawyer and get an agreement done. I have to constantly remind her that ending the marriage was her choice. To me there is no going back at this stage, I know longer trust her. Could I be happy with her inside the marriage, oddly with marriage counselling the marriage is doable. The one thing she has to understand is that she is responsible for her own happiness, I can neither take away from her happiness, nor add to her happiness ... I am moving into my own place in 2 months and by me doing that, it will add to my happiness for sure. I am making the right choices for myself. I just want to get an agreement done, get the matrimonial home closed. I think it's best at this point to let my lawyer negotiate the deal. I have tried very hard to work with her, this morning I was prepared to offer her a sweet heart deal, just to get a deal done and move on. That's how frustrating this is...if had more hair, I'd have pulled it out by now.
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Go ahead w/ the divorce. Just let her not show up.
 
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