Worst pickup lines that YOU have ever used...

[silverbear]

You ain't kiddin...I have every commercial, the audio, on a cd...

The thing is, interspersed with the wisecracks were some VERY valuable lessons... one that stuck with me is "never send a ferret to do a weasel's job"...

When you think about it, Louie's RIGHT on that one...

 

[silverbear]

Classy....that and a $10 bill might work.

This sets me in mind of an incident that occurred right after my great-aunt (who was basically the only grandmother I ever knew) passed away...

I'd driven up to Hagerstown, where she was in the hospital, to be with her when she passed, and I had to drive back down to the house to pick up my suit for the funeral... my late brother Ron tagged along, eager to get out of the house for a little bit...

Well, before leaving we had stopped by the bank to empty one of her bank accounts to pay for the funeral (per her clear instructions, she had written everything out)... so I had a rather large wad of cash on me... we were driving down the interstate, and talking about dating and such, and I told him I knew the absolute most foolproof way of meeting women...

He was skeptical, so I reached into my wallet and peeled off a hundred dollar bill... I told you didn't need to say a word, just take a C-note, lick the back of it, and stick to your forehead... I guaranteed that inside of 5 minutes, you'd have all the female attention you could want... then I demonstrated what I was talking about...

He 'bout to wrecked the car laughing... it probably wasn't THAT funny, but of course we were both stressed out over losing that sweet old lady, so we overreacted...

 

[silverbear]

Lemme say up front, this is a joke, but it's on-topic:

This young guy took to frequenting this hot local night spot... night after night he went in there, night after night he went home alone, and not because he didn't try to hook up...

Meanwhile, he noticed this troglodyte-looking guy who also came in every night, ordered one drink, and before he'd finished the drink one of the prettiest girls in the bar would approach him, they'd chat for 2 or 3 minutes, then they'd leave together...

Well, after striking out a few nights, and watching this incredibly ugly loser take a different drop-dead gorgeous girl home every one of those nights, he was cryin' in his beer to the bartender...

"I can't understand it", he said, "I'm much better looking than that guy, I'm a genuinely nice guy, I'm successful, I have a Porsche out in the parking lot. So why does that guy get all the girls, and I can't catch a cold in here??"

The bartender responded "I can't understand it either; he's pretty ugly, he's fat, and it's not like he has a great personality. He's not what you'd call a brilliant conversationalist, in fact he hardly talks at all. All he does is sit at the bar, nursing that one drink, licking his eyebrows"...

 

[BrAinPaiNt]

At of all the things I had trouble with (like the farting situation and the wrong korean words situation)....the one that really worked for me the best is when I never said a word.

I would just walk up to a girl and then lick both my eyebrows. :

 

[The30YardSlant]

At of all the things I had trouble with (like the farting situation and the wrong korean words situation)....the one that really worked for me the best is when I never said a word.

I would just walk up to a girl and then lick both my eyebrows. :

BP, I think we've found the woman of your dreams....

 

[BrAinPaiNt]

BP, I think we've found the woman of your dreams....

Nah....Only one woman for me and that is my wife....at least until I get tired of her :

 

[Juke99]

The thing is, interspersed with the wisecracks were some VERY valuable lessons... one that stuck with me is "never send a ferret to do a weasel's job"...

When you think about it, Louie's RIGHT on that one...

Ah a fellow follower...Yes, I agree.

Of course, we also learned great put downs, like this one:

"Hey ferret, your slapstick brand of humor is much less witty than my dialogue driven banter" It's verrrrry psychological.

And secrets about woman.

"Women love a guy who squeaks. It's very sexy"

 

[Yeagermeister]

Nah....Only one woman for me and that is my wife....at least until I get tired of her :

Yeah but are you the only man for her?????

 

[BrAinPaiNt]

Yeah but are you the only man for her?????

Yes....duct tape makes the world go round. :devil: :devil:

 

[Banned_n_austin]

Classy....that and a $10 bill might work.

Make you holla?

 

[jamez25]

All he does is sit at the bar, nursing that one drink, licking his eyebrows"...

lmao

 

[TruBlueCowboy]

Funny story...sometimes my cousin still calls it my best "Pick Up" line.

We were both stationed in Louisiana and I had just gotten off 24 hour duty.
We shared a place with a couple of other guys off post and he picked me as he had the day off.

We stopped at a video rental store to get some movies to watch later in the day.

We both walked in, he in his civilian clothes, I in my uniform.

Two very nice looking hotties were working in there that day.

So we start walking back to the section with the new movies and I was trying to look all cool and stuff and the urge to sneeze hit me.

Well as you know when you sneeze most of the times your ears kind of clog for that second and you can't anything for that second other then your sneeze.

Well when I sneezed I could tell I just let a rip roaring, cheek flapping, a hole hurting, make you turn around to see if your a-hole flew down on the floor..fart. The thing actually hurt like someone took an old time wash board across my sphincter lol.

Needless to say I was embarrased, the girls looked like they were in shock and started giggling and my cousin was laughing so hard he was crying.

We got a couple of movies and I joked around about it and when we got back in the car my cousin looked at me and said....nice pick up line hahaha.

My ex-fiancee used to tell me the story about her mother and one day when she was on the honeymoon, the new couple woke up to a nice breakfast in their hotel, and out of the blue, her new husband decided to let out a big one right there, and even threw down the covers around her so she was forced to smell it. She said right then that she knew the honeymoon was over. My ex-fiancee would always remind me of that and say, "Our relationship better not end up with you as the farting husband..." :stop2:

 

[jterrell]

I have no memory of my worst lines because I was very likely slurring words and close to passing out. Then again I was in college then so a lot of those lines worked, lol.

I do know most of the time girls/women I paid little to no attention to were for some reason drawn to me and I simply relented.

I very seldom actually approached women figuring if they wanted to spend to me they could. That all out harassment stuff is just embarassing for all involved.

 

[SuspectCorner]

mmmmm.... you know what'd look good on you?
me......

they can't say "yes" if ya don't ask.

 

[zorg222]

Me: Hey baby, if you move your van over a little we could see the lake, I like seeing, two beautiful things at once.

Her: What van?

Me: That one right there.

Her: *slaps me amd walks off*

I later found out that the 'van' was actually her sister

 

[Yeagermeister]

I heard a new one on the radio today.

You must be from Tennessee because you are the only 10 I see :bravo:

 

[BulletBob]

My ex-fiancee used to tell me the story about her mother and one day when she was on the honeymoon, the new couple woke up to a nice breakfast in their hotel, and out of the blue, her new husband decided to let out a big one right there, and even threw down the covers around her so she was forced to smell it. She said right then that she knew the honeymoon was over. My ex-fiancee would always remind me of that and say, "Our relationship better not end up with you as the farting husband..." :stop2:

True, I believe the technical term for that is "Dutch Oven." And your supposed to pull the sheets up over both of your heads so that she cannot escape.

Don't ask ...

 

[BulletBob]

Please tell me your name, so I know what to call you in my dreams tonight ...

 

[WoodysGirl]

True, I believe the technical term for that is "Dutch Oven." And your supposed to pull the sheets up over both of your heads so that she cannot escape.

Don't ask ...

That actually happened to a friend of mine. Considering her husband (now ex) was a gorgeous specimen of manhood, I couldn't help but look at him in a whole new light...

I just kept having this visual of him doing it and her reaction (she such a girly-girl ) that it just made me want to laugh everytime I saw them together.

 

[Yeagermeister]

That actually happened to a friend of mine. Considering her husband (now ex) was a gorgeous specimen of manhood, I couldn't help but look at him in a whole new light...

I just kept having this visual of him doing it and her reaction (she such a girly-girl ) that it just made me want to laugh everytime I saw them together.

But you'd let Darren do it to you any time