I can't hug my dad

[Ranching]

I like this perspective

I agree with you guys....it's funny, I'm not afraid of anything, but I can't get myself to do it. Salud, brother... Happy New year!!

 

[kskboys]

I was raised to be tough and not show emotion. My dad is 85....he's 6'3" and 220lbs. I have seen him every day since March and he is the main reason I retired from coaching. I love him more than anything, but I cannot bring myself to tell him that or even hug him. Is that weird?

It is not.

I had the same Dad. Hugging was not done. Basically, it was not their way, and it would prolly make him uncomfortable. Maybe try it once, IDK.

 

[kskboys]

As long as you and your Pop genuinely feel love and respect for each other, there are many ways to share those expressions. No one can know better than you and him as to what that looks like. My Dad is the same age as yours and we don't share much in the way of physical gestures, but I would do anything for the man. There is no one on this earth I respect more and my hope at 58 is to become half the man he has always been.

Happy New Year to both of you.

Very well said.

Hugging is not for everyone. My Dad and I never hugged, never told each other "I love you". And it was not necessary.

 

[Runwildboys]

Very well said.

Hugging is not for everyone. My Dad and I never hugged, never told each other "I love you". And it was not necessary.

But if you had, just once, how do you think that memory would stack up against all the others? I grew up without my father, but I still remember the first time my oldest brother shook my hand. It's probably my favorite memory of us, even though he lives about 10 minutes away.

 

[kskboys]

But if you had, just once, how do you think that memory would stack up against all the others? I grew up without my father, but I still remember the first time my oldest brother shook my hand. It's probably my favorite memory of us, even though he lives about 10 minutes away.

It wasn't necessary. My Dad and I were very close, and remained so until the day he passed. Hugging was not necessary for either of us. I have great memories of my Dad, hugging wouldn't enhance them.

 

[CouchCoach]

It wasn't necessary. My Dad and I were very close, and remained so until the day he passed. Hugging was not necessary for either of us. I have great memories of my Dad, hugging wouldn't enhance them.

Which is all well and good but Ranching brought this up so I assumed it was something he wanted to do.

If he and his Dad are good with it is one thing but the fact he thought about it and brought it up here led me to believe differently.

Hugging is not necessary for everybody to express or feel love. But I wonder how people that do need that are getting by this last year because my wife was that way as were her Mom and Dad. Huggers have been really stressed because that is a necessity of life to them.

I do have those memories of hugging but much later in life after I had come to terms and had forgiven my Dad for being a selfish father when I was growing up. Every time I hugged him, I reminded myself that I had forgiven him. It was cathartic for me as my relationship with him growing up was not good and he didn't get why until my Mom blasted him one night well after I was grown.

Fathers teach their sons how to be good fathers, one way or another.

 

[Runwildboys]

Which is all well and good but Ranching brought this up so I assumed it was something he wanted to do.

If he and his Dad are good with it is one thing but the fact he thought about it and brought it up here led me to believe differently.

Hugging is not necessary for everybody to express or feel love. But I wonder how people that do need that are getting by this last year because my wife was that way as were her Mom and Dad. Huggers have been really stressed because that is a necessity of life to them.

I do have those memories of hugging but much later in life after I had come to terms and had forgiven my Dad for being a selfish father when I was growing up. Every time I hugged him, I reminded myself that I had forgiven him. It was cathartic for me as my relationship with him growing up was not good and he didn't get why until my Mom blasted him one night well after I was grown.

Fathers teach their sons how to be good fathers, one way or another.

Some teach them to avoid fatherhood.

And I agree, I don't think he would've started this thread if it wasn't at least a little important to him...sober or not.

 

[aria]

I was raised to be tough and not show emotion. My dad is 85....he's 6'3" and 220lbs. I have seen him every day since March and he is the main reason I retired from coaching. I love him more than anything, but I cannot bring myself to tell him that or even hug him. Is that weird?

Not at all man, I can’t remember the last time I called my dad “dad”. I call my mom “mom” but always call my dad by his first name. He’s never said it bothers him or anything but I kind of feel bad about it. On the other hand, I’ve called him by his first name for so long that it would seem extremely weird to me to call him dad.

Glad you brought this subject up buddy. *We do give each other half *** hugs though.

 

[Ranching]

Some teach them to avoid fatherhood.

And I agree, I don't think he would've started this thread if it wasn't at least a little important to him...sober or not.

I was very sober....it's been in my head for many years. Thought I could talk to you guys about.....

 

[Ranching]

Not at all man, I can’t remember the last time I called my dad “dad”. I call my mom “mom” but always call my dad by his first name. He’s never said it bothers him or anything but I kind of feel bad about it. On the other hand, I’ve called him by his first name for so long that it would seem extremely weird to me to call him dad.

Glad you brought this subject up buddy. *We do give each other half *** hugs though.

Happy new year, bro!!

 

[Runwildboys]

I was very sober....it's been in my head for many years. Thought I could talk to you guys about.....

You absolutely can. I didn't think you were drinking, just joking.

 

[BigStar]

I knew of my dad, met him a handful of times, and then kind of regretted not getting to know him more until after he passed. He was far from perfect, but found myself falling into a lot of the bad habits he did without his influence even really being in play. Hard drinking, drugs, gambling, jail time. Didn't need him around for me to find that on my own.

Long story short, I wish I had forgiven him earlier in my teen years and gotten to know him more; the good and the bad. Really hadn't dawned on me that I cared about him at all until the night of his funeral. Ignorance was bliss and guess it hit me that I lost that chance, etc. The fact that you have a great relationship with your father makes me say go for it, what harm could it do.

Get what you can get done while they're still here and have a laugh about it later if it was just too much for him. "Remember that time we almost hugged?" at the dinner table would always be funny

 

[Ranching]

I knew of my dad, met him a handful of times, and then kind of regretted not getting to know him more until after he passed. He was far from perfect, but found myself falling into a lot of the bad habits he did without his influence even really being in play. Hard drinking, drugs, gambling, jail time. Didn't need him around for me to find that on my own.

Long story short, I wish I had forgiven him earlier in my teen years and gotten to know him more; the good and the bad. Really hadn't dawned on me that I cared about him at all until the night of his funeral. Ignorance was bliss and guess it hit me that I lost that chance, etc. The fact that you have a great relationship with your father makes me say go for it, what harm could it do.

Get what you can get done while they're still here and have a laugh about it later if it was just too much for him. "Remember that time we almost hugged?" at the dinner table would always be funny

That's beautiful, bro! Appreciate your advice. Salud!

 

[timb2]

I was raised to be tough and not show emotion. My dad is 85....he's 6'3" and 220lbs. I have seen him every day since March and he is the main reason I retired from coaching. I love him more than anything, but I cannot bring myself to tell him that or even hug him. Is that weird?

I can relate. My Father was a 30 year Marine and a Drill Instructor. I also grew up Boys Don't Cry, Boys Don't Show Emotion...I was a Marine also and some of those what made you a man but you also bare the childhood scars from it too. My whole family has from this. My Father passed away last year but I told him I loved him and he said the same. It's OK YOU CAN LET THE SHIELD DOWN. Just assure to him IT'S OK.

 

[DFWJC]

He knows I love him.......I know he loves me! Happy New Year friends!

Happy New Year big guy.

btw....Garrett loves you too!

 

[Crazed Liotta Eyes]

I was raised to be tough and not show emotion. My dad is 85....he's 6'3" and 220lbs. I have seen him every day since March and he is the main reason I retired from coaching. I love him more than anything, but I cannot bring myself to tell him that or even hug him. Is that weird?

I've been holding off on responding to this. Hits a sore spot for me. My Dad was a hard *** when I was growing up but he was always there. He was not the kind of guy to say I love you or to give you a hug. In his later years, he really changed. We had a few great moments before he died that I will always cherish. Don't deny yourself that opportunity Ranch. I have no credentials to say it but IMO, look him in the eyes and say what you feel. I have no doubt he knows you feel it but even an old hard *** will appreciate it.

 

[Ranching]

I've been holding off on responding to this. Hits a sore spot for me. My Dad was a hard *** when I was growing up but he was always there. He was not the kind of guy to say I love you or to give you a hug. In his later years, he really changed. We had a few great moments before he died that I will always cherish. Don't deny yourself that opportunity Ranch. I have no credentials to say it but IMO, look him in the eyes and say what you feel. I have no doubt he knows you feel it but even an old hard *** will appreciate it.

Thanks brother!

 

[Crazed Liotta Eyes]

Thanks brother!

Just caught myself sobbing for a few seconds. Just got to man up because that is what we do.

 

[HungryLion]

@Ranching


Looking forward to the post about you hugging your dad someday soon

 

[HungryLion]

I've been holding off on responding to this. Hits a sore spot for me. My Dad was a hard *** when I was growing up but he was always there. He was not the kind of guy to say I love you or to give you a hug. In his later years, he really changed. We had a few great moments before he died that I will always cherish. Don't deny yourself that opportunity Ranch. I have no credentials to say it but IMO, look him in the eyes and say what you feel. I have no doubt he knows you feel it but even an old hard *** will appreciate it.

This is awesome. So glad you got the chance to have that with your dad before passing. And you don’t have to carry that regret the rest of your life.

my moms last conversation with her brother was an argument. And he died unexpectedly.

that was 33 years ago and it still haunts her and she carries guilt to this day.

never want to be in that situation.