If you are married....

[theogt]

I don't. That would require me to "change"

After a certain age, the basic character traits of person are set.

Or get worse.

 

[bbgun]

I don't. That would require me to "change"

After a certain age, the basic character traits of person are set.

So you're cool with me drinking milk right out of the container and leaving the seat up?

 

[JohnnyHopkins]

So you're cool with me drinking milk right out of the container and leaving the seat up?

Something tell me that you wouldn't "wear the pants" in that relationship! :laugh2:

 

[bbgun]

Something tell me that you wouldn't "wear the pants" in that relationship! :laugh2:

We haven't been the same since her mother stayed with us for a month.

 

[lewpac]

Here's another nugget that is universally true in any successful marriage.....

No two people are alike, and you certainly aren't going to be clones of each other. Some folks are waiting for some one who thinks, walks, talks, etc......exactly like they do. Their never going to find it. In fact, the differences between two people in a good marriage provide color, variance, excitement and intrigue that is healthy and enjoyable.

However, in a marriage, you have to be like-minded, and of the same opinion on several issues. You have to have a united front about the way your going to approach certain of the BIGGER things that a married life will bring to your door step.

RELIGION: Are WE going to have a God or a religion in our life, and what's it going to be? Few people are able to overcome this issue in marriage if it's never approached or settled. If one person is agnostic and the other is a Bible-thumper, then your not going to approach issues and life the same way. Same thing if you are both religious, but of different doctrines. Or, even of the same religion, but one of you is more committed than the other. You have to agree and be of one mind regarding this issue, or it may become problematic.

FINANCES: What are WE going to do with our money? How are WE going to handle our finances? This is certainly and easily something that two people need to be like-minded about and approach with an agreed upon fashion. If one of you is spending like a banshee while the other is overly fiscally conservative, it's going to blow that marriage up in short order. You have to be of absolutely ONE MIND about this, with not a sliver of difference between you, or the resentment and blame-game will start and only get worse.

OUR HOME: What kind of domestic life are WE going to have at home? Are we going to be Oscar Madison's, Felix Ungers, or something in between? If one person is a clean freak and the other is a slob, that's not good. There has to be a meeting of the minds about HOW we're going to set up house and stick to it.

FAMILY: This is a biggie!! When you get married, your starting a NEW family. This is not to say that we shun or dismiss our former family's. But THIS MARRIAGE is a PRIVATE SHOP! One President, and One CEO. THAT'S IT! If mommy and daddy and sister or brother is constantly sticking their nose into your marriage...............or if one of you is constantly running to mommy or daddy every time a stiff wind shows up, it's gonna put a schism in your relationship. Mom and Dad...............you had 18 years to teach your kids how to fold the cloths and burn the toast. Butt out of your kids marriage, let them burn their own toast. Hubby's and wives, you had your mommy and daddy to bail you out for 20 years. Once your married, it's up to you and your spouse to work through things as a couple. It will build your relationship and you get to enjoy YOUR victories as a couple. When you need help, it's OK to ask. But for the most part, BURN YOUR OWN TOAST!!! If you're not prepared to "leave mom and dad", then you probably aren't ready for marriage.

COMMUNICATION: If one of you simply blows up or loses it, turns a deaf ear or gets loud every time the other has something to say, that OTHER person will soon stop even trying. If I cannot reasonably speak my mind without the "talk to the hand" or "I don't want to hear it" or "what is it NOW?" or "your making a big deal over nothing" stuff, then pretty soon I'm just not even going to bother. This is how the proverbial "mole hills become mountains", because what's on my mind will simply fester and slow-boil. Then, six months later it's going to all come out, and NOW it's a huge issue that's much more difficult to deal with. We've all heard many stories about how "one day, she just up and left". Or how "he just packed a bag and dug out". And we're all like "gee, I never knew, they seemed so happy". It's because problems or issues are a lot easier to deal with when they first come about, when it's something new and has to be discussed. If I'm fearful of even bringing it up, lest I get a tongue-lashing or hollered at, AGAIN, then I'm going to keep it to myself. All the while, the issue still exist or is getting worse. Silence doesn't make the problem go away.

CHILDREN: Are we going to have kids? How many? You gotta' know this, be of one mind about this BEFORE you get married. A lot of heart-break and bitterness springs up about this issue. Many times, HE NEVER KNEW that she never wanted kids. Or vice-versa. You find out 3, 5, or 7 years into a marriage about how your spouse REALLY feels, and now it's too late. I've seen divorces over this issue, and so have you.
There's also nothing wrong with NOT having kids. There's no rule or religious tenant that dictates that you must have kids. Just get on the same page before you get married.
A related "biggie" to this is, after we have kids, we have to be of the same mind about how we're raising them, what we're going to teach them, ethics, morals, how to handle money, etc.................

Again, this is not to say that we're duplicated robots of one another. There's a lot of grey-area in life to be different, enjoy different music, foods, clothing, sports, etc...............whatever. But on the BIG issues, a married couple absolutley MUST be of one mind and united front, or you're going to be miserable even IF you somehow stay together.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

We haven't been the same since her mother stayed with us for a month.

did she "oh no you didn't" you out of your senses?

 

[xWraithx]

Here's another nugget that is universally true in any successful marriage.....

No two people are alike, and you certainly aren't going to be clones of each other. Some folks are waiting for some one who thinks, walks, talks, etc......exactly like they do. Their never going to find it. In fact, the differences between two people in a good marriage provide color, variance, excitement and intrigue that is healthy and enjoyable.

However, in a marriage, you have to be like-minded, and of the same opinion on several issues. You have to have a united front about the way your going to approach certain of the BIGGER things that a married life will bring to your door step.

RELIGION: Are WE going to have a God or a religion in our life, and what's it going to be? Few people are able to overcome this issue in marriage if it's never approached or settled. If one person is agnostic and the other is a Bible-thumper, then your not going to approach issues and life the same way. Same thing if you are both religious, but of different doctrines. Or, even of the same religion, but one of you is more committed than the other. You have to agree and be of one mind regarding this issue, or it may become problematic.

FINANCES: What are WE going to do with our money? How are WE going to handle our finances? This is certainly and easily something that two people need to be like-minded about and approach with an agreed upon fashion. If one of you is spending like a banshee while the other is overly fiscally conservative, it's going to blow that marriage up in short order. You have to be of absolutely ONE MIND about this, with not a sliver of difference between you, or the resentment and blame-game will start and only get worse.

OUR HOME: What kind of domestic life are WE going to have at home? Are we going to be Oscar Madison's, Felix Ungers, or something in between? If one person is a clean freak and the other is a slob, that's not good. There has to be a meeting of the minds about HOW we're going to set up house and stick to it.

FAMILY: This is a biggie!! When you get married, your starting a NEW family. This is not to say that we shun or dismiss our former family's. But THIS MARRIAGE is a PRIVATE SHOP! One President, and One CEO. THAT'S IT! If mommy and daddy and sister or brother is constantly sticking their nose into your marriage...............or if one of you is constantly running to mommy or daddy every time a stiff wind shows up, it's gonna put a schism in your relationship. Mom and Dad...............you had 18 years to teach your kids how to fold the cloths and burn the toast. Butt out of your kids marriage, let them burn their own toast. Hubby's and wives, you had your mommy and daddy to bail you out for 20 years. Once your married, it's up to you and your spouse to work through things as a couple. It will build your relationship and you get to enjoy YOUR victories as a couple. When you need help, it's OK to ask. But for the most part, BURN YOUR OWN TOAST!!! If you're not prepared to "leave mom and dad", then you probably aren't ready for marriage.

COMMUNICATION: If one of you simply blows up or loses it, turns a deaf ear or gets loud every time the other has something to say, that OTHER person will soon stop even trying. If I cannot reasonably speak my mind without the "talk to the hand" or "I don't want to hear it" or "what is it NOW?" or "your making a big deal over nothing" stuff, then pretty soon I'm just not even going to bother. This is how the proverbial "mole hills become mountains", because what's on my mind will simply fester and slow-boil. Then, six months later it's going to all come out, and NOW it's a huge issue that's much more difficult to deal with. We've all heard many stories about how "one day, she just up and left". Or how "he just packed a bag and dug out". And we're all like "gee, I never knew, they seemed so happy". It's because problems or issues are a lot easier to deal with when they first come about, when it's something new and has to be discussed. If I'm fearful of even bringing it up, lest I get a tongue-lashing or hollered at, AGAIN, then I'm going to keep it to myself. All the while, the issue still exist or is getting worse. Silence doesn't make the problem go away.

CHILDREN: Are we going to have kids? How many? You gotta' know this, be of one mind about this BEFORE you get married. A lot of heart-break and bitterness springs up about this issue. Many times, HE NEVER KNEW that she never wanted kids. Or vice-versa. You find out 3, 5, or 7 years into a marriage about how your spouse REALLY feels, and now it's too late. I've seen divorces over this issue, and so have you.
There's also nothing wrong with NOT having kids. There's no rule or religious tenant that dictates that you must have kids. Just get on the same page before you get married.
A related "biggie" to this is, after we have kids, we have to be of the same mind about how we're raising them, what we're going to teach them, ethics, morals, how to handle money, etc.................

Again, this is not to say that we're duplicated robots of one another. There's a lot of grey-area in life to be different, enjoy different music, foods, clothing, sports, etc...............whatever. But on the BIG issues, a married couple absolutley MUST be of one mind and united front, or you're going to be miserable even IF you somehow stay together.

sounds like a whole lotta work and a not a whole lotta fun to me

 

[bbgun]

did she "oh no you didn't" you out of your senses?

I'm envisioning the mama from What's Happening?

 

[Bob Sacamano]

I'm envisioning the mama from What's Happening?

:laugh2: oh man, WG is going to go off on us now

 

[5Stars]

I don't. That would require me to "change"

After a certain age, the basic character traits of person are set.

Have you ever been married? By the way, "change" is good for you..it happens everyday right before your eyes.

I used to be an upstanding citizen until I married my x-wife....she changed me for the worse!

But, some psychologists say that being single does nothing for society...He/she does not contribute, they only watch out for themsleves, which is a one way street. Having a spouse contibutes to them and the children, if they have some.

Single people have children...but that usually does not work out for the child.

Also, the sex is there if you need it. Single people have to go find it...or stay alone...by themsleves...doing what they have to do...alone! (if their good at it).

 

[WoodysGirl]

Was gonna try, but I can't. My response to some of the posts in this thread is to simply give the "blank stare of ***?"

 

[zrinkill]

Was gonna try, but I can't. My response to some of the posts in this thread is to simply give the "blank stare of ***?"

How long did it take you and bbgun to know?

 

[5Stars]

Was gonna try, but I can't. My response to some of the posts in this thread is to simply give the "blank stare of ***?"

Of what? Come on...

It was my post, huh?

 

[bbgun]

How long did it take you and bbgun to know?

The first time I stared into her eyes ... through a sheet of plexiglass on visiting day.

 

[AbeBeta]

I was dating someone else when I met my current wife. I knew almost immediately after meeting her, she was probably 'the one'. I broke off the other relationship and the rest is history.

How come so many people have stories like this... but so few say "I was dating someone else at the time, so I emotionally distanced myself from her but continued to have sex with her as long as I could"

 

[big dog cowboy]

If you are married or been in a long relationship how long did it take you to say this is the one for me? Meaning I'm going to marry this person or commit to this person and no one else.

As some of us like to say, when did you decide to turn in your player's card

Did you know right away, months, years???

The day after I lost my bet.

 

[Bob Sacamano]

The first time I stared into her eyes ... through a sheet of plexiglass on visiting day.

I thought it was the day she handed you your restraining order

 

[ethiostar]

My wife did.

Your wife did what?

 

[lewpac]

sounds like a whole lotta work and a not a whole lotta fun to me

Not really. Most of this you could sum up with a simple "live and let live", "mind you own business" and "tend to your own affairs" type of living.

For instance.................when you take you marriage vows, most vows have something or other to do with "do you hereby sweareth, through sickness and health, good times or bad, up and down, no matter what...........do you hereby swear to love this person with all fidelity, etc, etc, etc..........."

Never once do the vows say "as long as she does too". It's all on YOU. Has nothing to do with what the other person does or doesn't do. It's not a conditional promise. It's a "VOW" that YOU make, no matter if the other person EVER lives up to their vow. Think about that.....................

Now, just imaging if BOTH parties live up to THAT. THAT'S what make a real marriage. So long as your attitude is along the lines of "ME???? What about HER????" You're marriage will NEVER work like that. THAT'S the business world..........you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours. I'll do my job so long as you do yours, but if you let up your end, then I'm not going to do my part. That's called bartering and making deals. That's not a marriage.

A marriage is "I love you" whether or not the other EVER lives up to their end of the bargain. If both parties can wrap their brain around THAT, you'll have a blissful marriage.

 

[jackrussell]

Your wife did what?

What?