Good morning Pops and friends. Since I've pulled you into my personal life, I think it's only fair to keep you apprised of my progress because that is exactly what it is all about. While I was concerned about breaking down and not being able to support Mike, that didn't happen. And it was as I feared, Kathy had gone down hill and was barely recognizable and only weighed 80lbs and in my experience chasing those visions that come was the first order of business if I was going to make it. The residual effect of that monster on the family and friends' memories can be debilitating.
There's bad news and good news and I can only hope and pray he's past the bad. Mike's reaction to his wife's passing alarmed his family so much that they called in a shrink, chaplain, priest and social worker came along as part of his hospice service. He ended up talking to the social worker more than anyone. His youngest daughter was fearful he was going to do something drastic because he was showing no emotion. His emotions are so raw and he's in such an unfamiliar place, I believe his brain is trying to protect him. He is not bent to give into his emotions.
The good news is I accomplished my objective, he's calling the grief counselor this morning and his daughter and son-in-law are going to follow through on that and keep me informed. I wasn't the first to suggest that to him. But I was the one that told him the mistake I made in not leaning on one.
My plan was to get him out of the dark place and talk about the good times; however, once I was aware of what had happened, I knew that wasn't going to work and my worst fear was coming, going to that dark place as well. The sooner he stopped avoiding going there, the sooner he would get through it. He broke down several times and as we are all prone to do, he said "I'm sorry" and I quickly hammered that down because he was trying to suppress his emotion and feelings in his core. I told him that grief counselor is going to thank him for doing that, no need to apologize for being a human. I told him that he has PTSD just as if he's been in war because that's exactly what it's like. This is not weakness.
But something else didn't happen, I didn't break down. For the first time in almost 8 years, I could talk about my wife without breaking down and I think her compassionate and loving spirit descended on me to guide me through what I had to do for my friend. And what was so unusual was that Mike said "you know that's the first time you've mentioned Sharon and not become emotional". He could still see me through his tears.
We're not out of the woods and if I could travel, I'd be headed there but he said something that really made me feel good about this. I mentioned that he's a bit of a recluse and that's not because he doesn't like people, it's because he doesn't think they like him. He told me he had no idea so many people cared about him like that. I told him just to keep that focus when your mind goes to that dark place and nothingness looks better than what you're feeling and think about them and how important you are to them. And then I mentioned our favorite and most quoted holiday movie "It's a Wonderful Life" and I told him when you watch it this time, don't focus on George Bailey but all of those around him.
