Morning Pops and everyone.
CC I've been trying to think of something to say, but it's just too hard. I just passed the 3rd anniversary of my guys passing on 3/23 and the sting of it all is still so raw. I know for myself there's really nothing that CAN be said so I struggle with the emptiness of thought when trying to convey sympathies or positive wishes. Know you aren't alone in the struggles and emotion. There's many who walk with you through it whether by similar circumstance or just because they care about you and want you to know they've got a shoulder to lean on, an ear to hear your thoughts, a hug or just a comforting arm to put around your shoulder. Stay strong, my friend.
Thanks Jan, it is tough and people try to handle it in different ways. I am helping my bud through this as he lost his wife in November and is still struggling with it. And that has helped me with something.
It is easy to forget how we deal with events when we fall into the everyday trap thinking. By telling him what he's feeling, the anger, guilt and sorrow reminds me that I still feel those things and they can come on like a freight train sometimes but by reminding Mike, I hear the train whistle myself, recognize it for what it is and allow myself to ride it for a while. No guilt, no remorse, just ride it out and pretty soon I am jumping off. I don't know how many times I've told myself "whew, I must have needed that". Instead of beating myself up because I can't get past it.
My blessing and curse is that I filter through emotions, not logic, just like my Mom and the opposite of my Dad and that made him nuts. The curse is becoming too reactive and then sorry for that; the blessing is having my feelings right under the skin and whereas I used to try and hide them, I just let them out. By not trying to bury them or even truly understand them, I embrace them knowing the single most important lesson in my life, everything is temporary.
One thing I told Mike, the very first time we talked, is that I was not going to BS him with time heals all wounds and this will pass because I have found neither to be true and used to think there was something wrong with me. That just compounded the negative vibe I was feeling. I told him some of the feelings he's feeling right now will not go away. A sight, sound, smell, song can trigger the memory bank we try to control. But by staying aware of our feelings, recognizing them, allowing them and embracing them, we know this is only temporary and he can deal with that. And that's the part of self-healing that is critical. Healing just doesn't come with time.
I told myself yesterday morning that I was not coming here, I was already in a terrible mood, angry and playing the "why me card" after seeing a couple walking down the boulevard holding hands. Usually, that doesn't bother me but I had dreaded this day coming more this year than the previous several years and I do not know why.
But, I came here anyway and I am glad I did. I shared some of what I was feeling because I couldn't do that with my sons or sister-in-law and what did I get from my fellow Popsters? Birthday wishes for the love of my life, exactly what I needed and I didn't even know I needed that.....until I got it. I like CowboysZone but I love certain parts of this site and none better than Morning Pops and the folks that come there.
Jan, can't tell you it will ever get easier but I can tell you that others and myself will be here anytime you need us. This is the thread to come share our feelings, Pops seems like the kind of man that would have liked that in his thread.
Time to reevaluate.