Opposite Sex Friends

[Cowboyslife]

As long as it's not an EX I would be ok with it.

 

[bbgun]

I'm more offended if someone doesn't find my wife hot

then post a pic that doesn't require a magnifying glass

 

[ABQCOWBOY]

I'm going with this one bbgun......

 

[bbgun]

It's not every day you see cleavage on a dog.

 

[CanadianCowboysFan]

add me as a friend on facebook and you can see pics of her there

 

[Dallas]

add me as a friend on facebook and you can see pics of her there

I cannot put into words just how much I get creeped out by your comments here at the Zone.

It never fails, ever.

That is some talent you have.

 

[bbgun]

add me as a friend on facebook and you can see pics of her there

1. I don't do Facebook.
2. I don't want to be friends with you in cyberspace or anywhere else.
3. You could just as easily post them here.

 

[Dallas]

1. I don't do Facebook.
2. I don't want to be friends with you in cyberspace or anywhere else.
3. You could just as easily post them here.

I can see it now. You and he....Get it?


http://threeminds.organic.com/banana_bff.jpg

Thats a banana and a monkey.

Monkey's like Bananas! :

 

[casmith07]

Hell no Cas. I believe that there is something to the whole man/woman chemical thing. I don't care if you believe it's God or Nature or Buddha or whatever, in my mind the simple truth of the matter is that men and woman were hard wired to have a chemical and physical attraction to one another. Working with somebody or being at a bar with somebody who also likes the Cowboys or something like that is not the same as being close friends in my mind. I would classify those folks as acquaintance more so then friend. A working relationship is not the same as a close friend to me. If you spend enough time around a female, it will eventually lead you in a certain direction IMO. It may not be on your part, it might be on hers or maybe the other way around. It might be both but it will eventually happen. It's a nature thing and you can't deny that part of human existence. You can suppress it or avoid it, perhaps control it but it only takes one moment of weakness on either parties behalf and you then have a problem. If you really love your wife or your significant other, why take the chance? IMO, your only asking for trouble.

People can have whatever opinions on this they like. They are certainly entitled but I'm just saying that you can't fight what is designed into all of us. Eventually, it will surface and then, you have to deal with it. Once that happens, it's not a friendship thing. It's one or the other or both pretending it's something it's not. If you don't create distance, then you will either end up with something happening that should not or somebody is going to end up resenting something and it will create drama or worse.

That's just how I see it.

I agree with this. I'll tell a story. I hope it will shine a light on why I feel the way I do.

Three and a half years ago I met the woman that I hope to marry one day. We've had our ups and downs, but our ups have always drastically outweighed the downs and we've mutually decided that the downs are things that we both want to work on together to strengthen our relationship and become closer to each other.

About a year and a half ago, an old "friend" contacted her through facebook. The reason why I say "friend" is because I believe him to be the kind of man that Steve Harvey was talking about in my OP, or the kind of friend that bbgun detailed in the movie. Soon enough it came out - "so whats up with you and this boyfriend?"

It's the kind of question that when you see it, you know the translation is "when are you leaving that punk so I can get in your pants?"

Needless to say, I discussed it with her and told her that I felt like she should cut him off. She did. But had facebook not existed, he would never have been able to contact her - her cell phone number and e-mail address have changed since she last left home.

But I don't blame that at all. We had a discussion that I think everyone should have when evaluating relationships that exist outside of your own, be it friendships or what have you -- the question is: what positive impact is this person/group of people having on your life or your relationship? If there is no rational answer, then I feel they should be cut off.

Honestly, I would rather sit and watch Housewives of Atlanta with her than hang out with the fellas...that's just how it is, and in a way how I think it should be. On the flipside, though, she would rather sit with me and watch me fume at the TV as Mike Jenkins gets burned again than be elsewhere, and she's the kind of girl that would cheer "home run" at a football game.

I just don't think that there's anything positive to be gained from maintaining friends of the opposite sex. I've even had women get upset with me when I've turned them down for coffee or lunch because I wanted to check with my fiancée first.

Just the way I see it.

I disagree somewhat. I have a female friend I have know since HS and we have never been anything other than friends.

How do you know that they feel the same way? They could be pining away for you secretly, waiting for that one moment when something goes wrong to jump in the saddle.

Not saying that's the case, but that's just how it is.

On the flip side, the guys I've dated haven't always been comfortable with my male friends; partly because of the ish they were doing on the side.

Well...I think this might also be a cultural thing too...seeing as how you and I are cut from the same cloth...you know just how I know that dudes can be extremely grimy. Unfortunately because of what seems like the majority, any man approaching a woman that he knows is in a relationship is viewed to 9 times out of 10 have ulterior motives by the boyfriend of the woman in question. It doesn't help that we have singers leading off their new songs calling themselves "Mr. Steal-Your-Girl."

Even if you're not physically cheating, your better half will think you're emotionally cheating--which, of course, can often lead to the real thing.

Exactly. So why risk it?

I might be cynical about the world, but that's just how I see it. I hope nobody thinks of me any differently because of it. I just strive for chivalry; I think in the 1200s if one knight attempted to steal another knight's maiden, a duel would be in order.

 

[CanadianCowboysFan]

I cannot put into words just how much I get creeped out by your comments here at the Zone.

It never fails, ever.

That is some talent you have.

if you get creeped out by that comment, that is your problem, I have pics of my wife and family on facebook, OMG

 

[CanadianCowboysFan]

CA, about someone pining to get you in the sack, you say that like it is a bad thing.

 

[CanadianCowboysFan]

1. I don't do Facebook.
2. I don't want to be friends with you in cyberspace or anywhere else.
3. You could just as easily post them here.

I guess you don't do facebook because it would look bad for you to have no friends

I could post them here but nah, screw it, if you won't put in an effort and join the largest social network ever, why should I put in an effort and post pics of her.

 

[bbgun]

I guess you don't do facebook because it would look bad for you to have no friends

I get enough "friend invitations" on YouTube, thank you very much.

I could post them here but nah, screw it, if you won't put in an effort and join the largest social network ever, why should I put in an effort and post pics of her.

bwak bwak bwak

 

[theogt]

I'd bet good money that no one in this thread (1) has been single at the same time as a "friend" of the opposite sex, (2) hung out with that person for extended periods of time just by yourselves, and (3) not had one or the other want it to be more than just friends. If you weren't the one wanting it to be more, the other person was. Guaranteed.

When I got married, all of my female friendships pretty much ended. The reality was, they weren't really friendships to begin with.

 

[bbgun]

Not sure why any man would want to be actual friends (not just friendly) with women if there's no possibility of sex. Isn't that what guy friends are for?

 

[Teren_Kanan]

Just celebrated my 5 year anniversary with my girlfriend. Been living together for 3 years now.

I've always had more female friends than male friends. Fact is I don't like guys very much they annoy me. My 2 best friends are guys (guy I've known since 5 yrs old, and my x roomate who I've known since about 13 and met online in Everquest), past that I have about 2 other guy friends that I hang out with maybe once a month. Past that it's all female friends.

I'd rather go drink with females, hang out with females, do anything with females instead of males. I get along extremely well with women, I always have. My girlfriend has known this about me since day 1.

There are plenty of times my girlfriend will come home and I'm in the living room with one of my female friends, smoking.. our herbal remedies, and playing video games. This happens fairly often. There are also times when I'll come home from work at 6am with a female co-worker friend and hang out some in the morning, my girlfriend leaves at 6:30 am to go to work herself. She has no problem with this.

I have a female friend I've gone hot tubbing with at 4am in the morning, just us because her neighborhood has a spa and mine doesn't. My girlfriend was completely aware of it (and has gone with us a few times). The times seem weird but I'm a night owl, there is no sleep for me before 7-8am. I'll go to my GF while she's asleep and wake her up enough to let her know I'm going Hot tubbing with Amber. She's fine with it.

My girlfriend is also aware that I would love to have sex with every single one of my female friends. I'm a guy and I'd have sex with most things with a ******. I don't hide this fact, I never have.

Co-workers and even a lot of my female friends think it's insane, and that they'd never allow their BF such freedom. I wouldn't be with any women who didn't though.

Me and my GF live in different worlds. She is awake from 6am to 8-10pm. I am awake from 4pm to 6-8am. She doesn't often hang out with my friends cause we hang out too late, I don't often hang out with hers cause they hang out too early. But we know each others friends and get along the few times we hang out.

Sounds crazy yeah? I'd allow such freedoms for my girlfriend as well, without the slightest worry. She hardly hangs out with other men though, aside from co-workers, but if she did, it wouldn't bother me.

Whats the kicker? How can it possibly work? Am I some super saint of a man who would never cheat ever? No, I'm probably just as human as anyone else. The thing is, my girlfriend knows every female I hang out with, and all my female co workers.

I know myself well enough to know that I'd never cheat on my GF with these people, regardless of how much I'd like to have sex with them for one simple fact. It could get back to my GF. I could never live with myself if I put my GF in that kind of pain. I could never sleep with someone my GF knows, sees frequently, or works with me, because it's too risky.

What I DON'T do for very good reasons is hang out with women my GF does not know. I do not go to parties where the majority of people are unknown to me. I avoid hanging out with females not in my social circle. I don't get drunk with people I am not familiar with and trust. I don't drink at bars alone.

I pretty much avoid situations where I could potentially be alone with a female that is outside of my social circle. Someone I could sleep with with 0 risk of it ever getting back to my GF. I've never cheated on her, and I honestly think I could resist that temptation, but I see no reason to put myself in a situation where I will test that theory, because I am human and prone to the same mistakes as anyone else.

It's worked for 5 years and I've never had any sort of moment where I felt there was any risk of anything happening with one of my female friends. My GF has never questioned me about any of it, as I've always been 100% honest with her as to my whereabouts and who I'm hanging out with and what I'm doing.

There is a lot of trust between me and my GF. 5 years now and we have never argued, quite literally. Not even about any tiny thing. No *****ing about the remote controls, no *****ing about who didn't clean what, no complaints about playing video games too long, or spending too much money on hair/nails. We've just never done it.

I don't grasp the concept of jealousy, I never have. She's not a jealous person and neither am I. The type of person who is going to put themselves in a situation where they cheat, is the type of person who is probably going to cheat one day. I don't want to feel like I have to "prevent" my GF from cheating, and I don't want to be with a chick who feels they have to "prevent" me from cheating either. A jealous female is simply not something I would ever tolerate.

Ah well, here's to 5 more amazing years.

 

[casmith07]

I'd bet good money that no one in this thread (1) has been single at the same time as a "friend" of the opposite sex, (2) hung out with that person for extended periods of time just by yourselves, and (3) not had one or the other want it to be more than just friends. If you weren't the one wanting it to be more, the other person was. Guaranteed.

When I got married, all of my female friendships pretty much ended. The reality was, they weren't really friendships to begin with.

This.

 

[Teren_Kanan]

I'd bet good money that no one in this thread (1) has been single at the same time as a "friend" of the opposite sex, (2) hung out with that person for extended periods of time just by yourselves, and (3) not had one or the other want it to be more than just friends. If you weren't the one wanting it to be more, the other person was. Guaranteed.

When I got married, all of my female friendships pretty much ended. The reality was, they weren't really friendships to begin with.

Read this after I wrote my wall of text post.

I somewhat agree with you. I have 1 female friend that I hang out with at last once/twice a month that I have already had sex with prior to getting with my GF 5 years ago. My GF knows about this, and has no problem with us hanging out. As I posted earlier, my GF knows that if I were single I'd probably be trying to have sex with every one of my female friends (even My super awesome Lesbian friend).

I am a guy, there is not such a thing as a women so amazing/beautiful that I would never want to sleep with anyone else. I will pretty much always want to sleep with 80% of the women on this planet, regardless of how good I have it.

 

[theogt]

Read this after I wrote my wall of text post.

I somewhat agree with you. I have 1 female friend that I hang out with at last once/twice a month that I have already had sex with prior to getting with my GF 5 years ago. My GF knows about this, and has no problem with us hanging out. As I posted earlier, my GF knows that if I were single I'd probably be trying to have sex with every one of my female friends (even My super awesome Lesbian friend).

I am a guy, there is not such a thing as a women so amazing/beautiful that I would never want to sleep with anyone else. I will pretty much always want to sleep with 80% of the women on this planet, regardless of how good I have it.

I think you mean, "particularly."

 

[Teren_Kanan]

Not sure why any man would want to be actual friends (not just friendly) with women if there's no possibility of sex. Isn't that what guy friends are for?

Most guys suck. I tend not to like hanging out with guys. I get along so much better with women.

Donno what it is about most guys. There's just too much testosterone or something. I feel like all guys are pretty much the same. There is something competitive in the air when guys hang out. Even if its just in fun, I feel guys are always trying to 1 up each other in the macho department. Who can drink the most, who can win the most at this game or that. Who's gotten more girls. There are exceptions but it's not that common.

My 2 closest friends are both guys though, and I have a few other guy friends I'd consider close.