Opposite Sex Friends

[casmith07]

Or what if you are just not attracted to the person? Do you guys that say you think that way just bed anything with a heartbeat that says yes?

Generally if someone isn't attracted to someone, they wouldn't be trying to hang out with them.

Look, at no point ever when I'm sitting around do I decide to pick up the phone and see if some girl from the law school wants to hang out. I have done it on one occasion, and it was at the request of my fiancee to invite some of the girls she had met when we all went out together for drinks. We were going to the Maryland seafood festival and she wanted the girls to come so that she would be able to try and make some new friends.

At no time do I have the desire to hang out with other women. I've been told by another woman that she would "do anything for me" as recently as October (a pathetic cry for help from an old flame). My fiancee was furious, as well I would hope she would be.

I just simply do not think there is anything to be gained from having friends of the opposite sex. What does some other man have to offer that I as a boyfriend, fiance, or husband don't have? Think of it in that context - stop thinking of it as being a single person and having friends of the opposite sex - that's customary.

 

[ABQCOWBOY]

i commend you for knowing yourself well enough to know that you may not be strong enough to resist temptation if immediately present, and commend knowing your wife well enough to know how she would feel under certain circumstances, but your situation does not represent everybody. i will say your relationship sounds typical and anybody would do well to take your stance but that does not mean that people can not/should not have opposite sex friends.

i will say the more opposite sex friends you have the higher the probability is that one of them aren't completely on the same page as you and your other friends

I never said people should or shouldn't. Each person's life is there own and the decisions they make are their own. It's not about weakness or strength. If your single, then I have absolutely no problem with people having opposite sex friends. I just think it's a poor wager if your married. It's about understanding what's at steak. Having said all this, I'm not anybody to pass judgement on anybody. I'm just sharing my own beliefs on the matter.

 

[theogt]

Or what if you are just not attracted to the person? Do you guys that say you think that way just bed anything with a heartbeat that says yes?

If you're not attracted to the person, it's probably because they're much less attractive than you, which means YOU are much more attractive than them. Someone who hangs out with a person who is much more attractive most likely wants it to be more than just friends.

 

[rkell87]

Generally if someone isn't attracted to someone, they wouldn't be trying to hang out with them.

Look, at no point ever when I'm sitting around do I decide to pick up the phone and see if some girl from the law school wants to hang out. I have done it on one occasion, and it was at the request of my fiancee to invite some of the girls she had met when we all went out together for drinks. We were going to the Maryland seafood festival and she wanted the girls to come so that she would be able to try and make some new friends.

At no time do I have the desire to hang out with other women. I've been told by another woman that she would "do anything for me" as recently as October (a pathetic cry for help from an old flame). My fiancee was furious, as well I would hope she would be.

I just simply do not think there is anything to be gained from having friends of the opposite sex. What does some other man have to offer that I as a boyfriend, fiance, or husband don't have? Think of it in that context - stop thinking of it as being a single person and having friends of the opposite sex - that's customary.

how about a different point of view, stories from leading a different life, common interests, contacts for personal and professional advancement due to different social circles and standing, and on and on the same things that apply to reasons to have same sex friends

 

[SaltwaterServr]

you could always hang with one to test yourself like Gandhi did when he slept with nude virgins to ensure he had self control.

Ghandi, "48 times this year, and still no self control."

 

[casmith07]

how about a different point of view, stories from leading a different life, common interests, contacts for personal and professional advancement due to different social circles and standing, and on and on the same things that apply to reasons to have same sex friends

Contacts for personal or professional advancement, i.e. networking is an extremely limited relationship. Those relationships exist only in their official capacity, no different from the fellow female Officers that I served with in my old unit. If I was in a bind making a leadership decision would I potentially call one of my old battle buddies? Absolutely. However, the discussion stops there.

I think you and I have a different understanding of the definition of the word "friend."

Common interests is a cop out, in my opinion. If your interests are generally typical for a man or woman, then one could reasonably expect your friends that share those interests to be of the same sex. I'd be rather upset if my fiancee was going over to some guy's place to watch Jersey Shore at 9PM at night because it was a "common interest" rather than hanging with some girlfriends. Plus, like I said before, I would rather sit and watch some nonsense on Bravo that I don't care about with her because she IS my best friend.

 

[ABQCOWBOY]

how about a different point of view, stories from leading a different life, common interests, contacts for personal and professional advancement due to different social circles and standing, and on and on the same things that apply to reasons to have same sex friends

Would you say that this is the norm or that this is the exception? Again, only speaking for myself but if I had a female friend that I shared so much in common with, I could see feelings on one side or the other developing much faster. I could also place myself in this position if my wife had such a relationship with another person. I would not like it and it would cause problems. Perhaps I am not mature enough, perhaps I simply do not trust enough. Whatever the case, I think that this type of situation would probably end up in trouble more times then not. There are always exceptions but I would feel more comfortable avoiding that as opposed to taking the chance regardless.

 

[casmith07]

Would you say that this is the norm or that this is the exception? Again, only speaking for myself but if I had a female friend that I shared so much in common with, I could see feelings on one side or the other developing much faster. I could also place myself in this position if my wife had such a relationship with another person. I would not like it and it would cause problems. Perhaps I am not mature enough, perhaps I simply do not trust enough. Whatever the case, I think that this type of situation would probably end up in trouble more times then not. There are always exceptions but I would feel more comfortable avoiding that as opposed to taking the chance regardless.

That female that you share so much in common with probably lays down next to you every night and calls you "honey" during the day.

Just a guess

And furthermore, I don't think it has to do with your maturity nor your trust. I'm of the belief of having respect for your fellow man. I think that one of those respects is prohibiting yourself from being involved with a woman that is seriously involved with another man, and vice versa from the woman's standpoint.

Unfortunately, the majority of men aren't looking to just share a cup of coffee and talk about a good romance novel.

 

[Kangaroo]

So Roo, if you know and accept (I'm guessing that this is your position) that the odds are it won't work out, why take a chance? It would seem that if the odds are not in favor of avoiding bad situations, you would elect to forgo this sort of circumstance.

Me personally I try to avoid the situation it is easier that way and my life style is I am generally out doing something with a group so it makes it easy to avoid a lot of things. I do not avoid them because I am worried about what might happen or I never do anything.

I find a lot of women un-attrative and have no desire for any reason to bed them even if I was single and I had a chance :ralph:

 

[ABQCOWBOY]

That female that you share so much in common with probably lays down next to you every night and calls you "honey" during the day.

Just a guess

Exactly right. All though, she's been known to vary on what she calls me, just depending. :laugh2:

I suspect you too are fortunate like that.

 

[casmith07]

Me personally I try to avoid the situation it is easier that way and my life style is I am generally out doing something with a group so it makes it easy to avoid a lot of things. I do not avoid them because I am worried about what might happen or I never do anything.

I find a lot of women un-attrative and have no desire for any reason to bed them even if I was single and I had a chance :ralph:

This isn't what we're talking about, though I agree with most of this here.

What we're talking about is this --

You're steady with a girl, be it a GF, fiancee, or wife. Where do you stand on opposite-sex friends in that instance. For example, your girlfriend spends time hanging out with some guy. How would that make you feel?

 

[ABQCOWBOY]

Me personally I try to avoid the situation it is easier that way and my life style is I am generally out doing something with a group so it makes it easy to avoid a lot of things. I do not avoid them because I am worried about what might happen or I never do anything.

I find a lot of women un-attrative and have no desire for any reason to bed them even if I was single and I had a chance :ralph:

Fair enough.

 

[casmith07]

Exactly right. All though, she's been known to vary on what she calls me, just depending. :laugh2:

I suspect you too are fortunate like that.

I get called a lot of things other than honey, and they aren't always terms of endearment. :laugh1:

 

[ABQCOWBOY]

I get called a lot of things other than honey, and they aren't always terms of endearment. :laugh1:

I suspected as much. Good for you Cas.

Speaking of which, it's time for me to head upstairs and go to bed.

Everybody, have a good evening.

 

[Cowboyslife]

I just strive for chivalry; I think in the 1200s if one knight attempted to steal another knight's maiden, a duel would be in order.

I don't think knights dueled back then.

 

[Dallas]

If you're not attracted to the person, it's probably because they're much less attractive than you, which means YOU are much more attractive than them. Someone who hangs out with a person who is much more attractive most likely wants it to be more than just friends.

Most of my friends are extremely attractive girls. We all pretty much grew up together and our circle is really tight.

I haven't an interest in every "being" w/ any of them. They are all like sisters to me. We vacation together and party together and dinners and movies. Its all strictly platonic. They even call me for advice about guys, because I bring a guys point of view. I do the same w/ them when I want a girls view on something my GF said or is doing.


Does it cause problem w/ the girls I date?


Does it EVER ! :laugh2:

They are my best friends. I won't leave them because of a girls self esteem issues or jealousy problems. I never put myself in position to even be questioned. Everything is out in front ALWAYs w/ who I date. I even introduce them all.

Still.....it causes problems.


It doesn't matter how honest or upfront you are, most girls and most men just don't understand those type of friendships.

I totally understand my GF's having guy friends. I never have an issue w/ them unless they give me something to have an issue over.

Getting that respect returned however has been a VERY real challenge.

But...

My girlfriends have been there through my most difficult times in my life and I them. I would never not be there for them because of my GF's jealousies.

Time to grow up and trust your mates.

It isn't HS or College anymore. As long as your mate isn't giving you anything to be jealous over, its time to come w/ the trust and respect it takes to make a lasting and loving relationship work.

People just need to read each other better. You will certainly know if that person LOVES you and if you don't get those feelings, then it might be time to look at the relationship. Is it healthy? Are you getting out of it what you put into it? Is it pretty much one sided? If so, then you are wasting your time most likely and its better to move on if you feel you have tried and that person just isn't getting it or you feel they just aren't who you thought they were.

 

[casmith07]

I suspected as much. Good for you Cas.

Speaking of which, it's time for me to head upstairs and go to bed.

Everybody, have a good evening.

'night ABQ!

I don't think knights dueled back then.

Well perhaps they met in a jousting tournament, you get the idea.

It would've been a great disrespect to do such a thing back then. I believe the same holds true now.

 

[theogt]

Most of my friends are extremely attractive girls. We all pretty much grew up together and our circle is really tight.

I haven't an interest in every "being" w/ any of them. They are all like sisters to me. We vacation together and party together and dinners and movies. Its all strictly platonic. They even call me for advice about guys, because I bring a guys point of view. I do the same w/ them when I want a girls view on something my GF said or is doing.


Does it cause problem w/ the girls I date?


Does it EVER ! :laugh2:

They are my best friends. I won't leave them because of a girls self esteem issues or jealousy problems. I never put myself in position to even be questioned. Everything is out in front ALWAYs w/ who I date. I even introduce them all.

Still.....it causes problems.


It doesn't matter how honest or upfront you are, most girls and most men just don't understand those type of friendships.

I totally understand my GF's having guy friends. I never have an issue w/ them unless they give me something to have an issue over.

Getting that respect returned however has been a VERY real challenge.

But...

My girlfriends have been there through my most difficult times in my life and I them. I would never not be there for them because of my GF's jealousies.

Time to grow up and trust your mates.

It isn't HS or College anymore. As long as your mate isn't giving you anything to be jealous over, its time to come w/ the trust and respect it takes to make a lasting and loving relationship work.

People just need to read each other better. You will certainly know if that person LOVES you and if you don't get those feelings, then it might be time to look at the relationship. Is it healthy? Are you getting out of it what you put into it? Is it pretty much one sided? If so, then you are wasting your time most likely and its better to move on if you feel you have tried and that person just isn't getting it or you feel they just aren't who you thought they were.

tl;dr.

If you find them attractive, by definition that means you're attracted to them. End of conversation.

 

[Cowboyslife]

tl;dr.

If you find them attractive, by definition that means you're attracted to them. End of conversation.

Not necessarily. You can admit that a guy is good looking, doesn't mean you want to do the bumper cars with him. Unless...

 

[theogt]

Not necessarily. You can't admit that a guy is good looking, doesn't mean you want to do the bumper cars with him. Unless...

Can't say I've ever found another man attractive.

Regardless, it's a terrible point. That's like saying a man can find a car beautiful but that doesn't mean he wants to sleep with it. Yeah, well no kidding, it's a completely different scenario.

If a straight man finds a woman attractive, it by definition means he's attracted to her.