Separated/Divorce

[lukin2006]

Not a fool because of what you did for love. But you should ask yourself if crossing that ocean was really worth it? Doesn't sound like there was an island to meet halfway across.

The first thing I would suggest you do is take an assessment of what you're strong selling points are for you are a commodity. Don't get in the middle of what your wife didn't like about you because that's on her, not you. You have value.

I remember some posting not too long ago with you so this didn't blindside you but forgive me for making an observation as a total outsider but you seem better off for this. If making it work was all on you, it was already over and best to get that behind you. Marriage is compromise, not sacrifice. Were you really happy?

The best thing to do is to find things to occupy your time that interest you. What have you always wanted to do, if only you weren't married?

Knowing what I know now I'd still put in the same effort. I consider myself a loyal person. But also, if the marriage was going to end I wanted to at least really try to fix the problems. In the end she didn't want the marriage to work. I'll continue to stand wth my head held high. I am pursing a mediated settlement instead of court.

 

[CouchCoach]

It depends on the people involved. My ex and I only hired one lawyer between us, to do the paperwork.
We had everything divvied up before it was even finalized.
I was lucky in that regard.

Yep, you were. I have had 3 separate friends get divorces in the last 10 years and the goal was an amicable split....until the lawyers got involved. All divorce lawyers are not like that but people so emotionally vulnerable have to stay on guard against some lawyer recommendations.

I have a couple of friends that are lawyers, but not divorce, corporate. They both said that in too many instances lawyers are more interested in going against the other lawyer with a "win" than helping their client. Too many keep a running score by using one time clients.

 

[CouchCoach]

Knowing what I know now I'd still put in the same effort. I consider myself a loyal person. But also, if the marriage was going to end I wanted to at least really try to fix the problems. In the end she didn't want the marriage to work. I'll continue to stand wth my head held high. I am pursing a mediated settlement instead of court.

That's great because it is really easy to find yourself not liking you very much after going through one of those. I have a friend that went through a really nasty one and when it was finally over, she struggled with how she was feeling about herself for allowing herself to get drawn into the fight.

You seem to be on the right track and the best advice I would offer is to treat this as an operation that you really don't want, but you know you really need. Focus on the after and how much better you are going to be and feel with this behind you. I think you are going to look back on this as the best thing that could have happened for you.

 

[Runwildboys]

Yep, you were. I have had 3 separate friends get divorces in the last 10 years and the goal was an amicable split....until the lawyers got involved. All divorce lawyers are not like that but people so emotionally vulnerable have to stay on guard against some lawyer recommendations.

I have a couple of friends that are lawyers, but not divorce, corporate. They both said that in too many instances lawyers are more interested in going against the other lawyer with a "win" than helping their client. Too many keep a running score by using one time clients.

That's where hiring just one lawyer was the best thing to do.

 

[CouchCoach]

That's where hiring just one lawyer was the best thing to do.

Smart move since you made that work.\

And I am not ragging on lawyers and there are two sides to it. One of my salespeople with BPD drove her lawyer to the brink and after the thing was over, she told me it was like having Sybil as a client. One minute she's wanting everything smooth and the next she wanted him neutered. There is a lot of emotion for lawyers to deal with in divorces. Not like Samsung suing Apple.

 

[Corso]

I am a 53 male with a disability and getting divorced...25 years married. Believe me I was willing to cross an ocean to make it work, in the end she wouldn't even leap over a puddle for me ... I feel like the biggest fool.

My heart goes out to you brother. Awful stuff...
Been through it myself and I felt like such a failure, but it wasn't me, it was us. The good news is you're still young and Life is long.
There are so many things to do and people to meet in this amazing world of ours!

You ever find yourself in El Paso, hit me up, I'll take you to a Salsa social. You'll be amazed at the wonderful people and the great time that's had by all, whether you dance, or not (I don't... I try though).
Life is about life, but it's very difficult to pull your head out of the quicksand, once it's submerged... I know.

Know that there are people here that care about you, myself included, and things will go up from here. Stay strong, keep your head above water and keep dog paddling to shore buddy!
You never know what could happen along the way...

 

[Corso]

Much love to my man @lukin2006 . Throwing good vibes your way. And everyone out there with a good heart that's been hurt.

Fist To Chest homies.

 

[Runwildboys]

As I already told Xelda, y'all are starting to eat at my misanthropic nature! Stop making me wanna like people!!!

 

[Corso]

As I already told Xelda, y'all are starting to eat at my misanthropic nature! Stop making me wanna like people!!!

My El Paso invite extends to you too homie. Great people here...

 

[dallasdave]

My El Paso invite extends to you too homie. Great people here...

Party at Corso's

 

[YosemiteSam]

my understanding of you & yer' nature is much clearer now,as I'd always kinda' figured you for being just a natural A-hole,,,I am sorry about that Y.S.

Nope. A-Holiery has just been what I've seen. Everything else is just my play on the subject matter. hah

 

[CouchCoach]

As I already told Xelda, y'all are starting to eat at my misanthropic nature! Stop making me wanna like people!!!

Hey, I refuse to go that far. I worked hard to get my Curmudgeon card and I ain't giving it up that easily.

 

[DFWJC]

Party at Corso's

 

[lukin2006]

The biggest decision I need to make going forward is whether I want to work out a deal so I can keep the house. A big part of me does not want the house or any of the belongings...

 

[waldoputty]

The biggest decision I need to make going forward is whether I want to work out a deal so I can keep the house. A big part of me does not want the house or any of the belongings...

well that would obviously be based on if you want a clean break.
assuming financial considerations are not an issue, then i personally would sell the house and get a clean break.
but considering that you have a disability, that may not be so simple...

 

[waldoputty]

Party at Corso's

u just want more corso goodness...

 

[waldoputty]

Sez' the cat of mouse tail yearnings,,,,


Mega FEUDIAN Wong banging Wally's Gong

u just keep focus on putty parts...

 

[lukin2006]

well that would obviously be based on if you want a clean break.
assuming financial considerations are not an issue, then i personally would sell the house and get a clean break.
but considering that you have a disability, that may not be so simple...

I do want a clean break to be perfectly honest. With my disability an apartment would be much easier to manage. My oldest friend lives in this nice, cute small town that I like. I am considering getting an apartment there. And he a great friend. Lots to consider, I never though I'd be in this position. A little anxious to see what my lawyers advice is. All I know is from what people have told me is that divorce is a burden financially for the higher income person...That's a huge reason why I avoided a lawyer, I don't want my wife financially ruined, of course she had no problem taking a 3 week UK vacation and I had to cancel my little 5 day trip, maybe I need to only worry about me, she made her bed, now she has to lye in it ... I honestly think she has no idea the cost of this to her.

 

[CouchCoach]

The biggest decision I need to make going forward is whether I want to work out a deal so I can keep the house. A big part of me does not want the house or any of the belongings...

I'd go with the biggest part of you and make that part happy. But that's just for you because I like making my little part happy! You will need to eventually tend to that as well.

 

[lukin2006]

I'd go with the biggest part of you and make that part happy. But that's just for you because I like making my little part happy! You will need to eventually tend to that as well.

That's why I'm leaning to moving. This small town would be perfect. Plus having my oldest friend nearby to go out for a coffee is something I would enjoy.