Separated/Divorce

[Runwildboys]

This mellinial generation will be the general decline of marriage.

...as with nearly everything else.

 

[Melonfeud]

My wife is a Filipina and, after 18 years, there are definite trade-offs. Be prepared to never being able to wear any footwear in your own house again. Next, anything that's left on a counter for more than 5-10 minutes goes into what I call "The Pinay Abyss" (it's gone for ever...you'll never find it). Finally, it becomes standard affair to have 20-30 filipinas over your house for random karaoke parties. It's all fun and games until you've heard Celine Dion songs sung badly around the clock for oh so many years. Invest in Bose noise cancelling headphones.

The worst part is when the Filipina's drag along their usually social-awkward Husbands and my wife wants me to "hang with them"; to be a good "Dude-host" for 5-6 hours. Most of these dudes are older (50s) and are almost never into anything I'm into (Sports, cars, fishing, drinking beer...you know..'Man Stuff'). So over the past 4-5 years, I've boycotted my hosting duties. I simply stay in my computer room, in the dark, Noise cancelling headphones donned, sipping on beer, watching the NFL/UFC until the ordeal is over. Then when everyone starts to leave, I'll come out and act like "Oh hey...man..I didn't know you guys were here. Hope you had a good time. Nice seeing ya'!" Yeah, that's right...I've become THAT kind of A-Hole..

BAWAAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA aaaaaaaaa

LMAO



* kinda' reminds me of the way I'd became when my nurse wife's fat overtly gay brother from San Francisco would 'drop in' for the weekend after him & " Harold" would 'argue',,,,

 

[RJ_MacReady]

* kinda' reminds me of the way I'd became when my nurse wife's fat overtly gay brother from San Francisco would 'drop in' for the weekend after him & " Harold" would 'argue',,,,

Oh boy...estrogen overload. I feel ya', man.

 

[The Fonz]

My wife is a Filipina and, after 18 years, there are definite trade-offs. Be prepared to never being able to wear any footwear in your own house again. Next, anything that's left on a counter for more than 5-10 minutes goes into what I call "The Pinay Abyss" (it's gone for ever...you'll never find it). Finally, it becomes standard affair to have 20-30 filipinas over your house for random karaoke parties. It's all fun and games until you've heard Celine Dion songs sung badly around the clock for oh so many years. Invest in Bose noise cancelling headphones.

The worst part is when the Filipina's drag along their usually social-awkward Husbands and my wife wants me to "hang with them"; to be a good "Dude-host" for 5-6 hours. Most of these dudes are older (50s) and are almost never into anything I'm into (Sports, cars, fishing, drinking beer...you know..'Man Stuff'). So over the past 4-5 years, I've boycotted my hosting duties. I simply stay in my computer room, in the dark, Noise cancelling headphones donned, sipping on beer, watching the NFL/UFC until the ordeal is over. Then when everyone starts to leave, I'll come out and act like "Oh hey...man..I didn't know you guys were here. Hope you had a good time. Nice seeing ya'!" Yeah, that's right...I've become THAT kind of A-Hole..

I hear ya I have never dated one myself but i do understand all the things you mentioned.Most filipinas looking for financial security. and the men after them looking for a form of validation.

 

[T-RO]

I was divorced 12 years ago. It was mutual.

Happily (or somewhat pathetically) I’ve never missed my ex and we haven’t communicated in any way for 10 years. Shortly thereafter I hooked up with an old girl friend. That lasted about a year and was much more painful when it ended.

I haven’t dated—nor really wanted to—since then. 10 years...no women in my life.

I’m the type of man who enjoys my solitary time. I don’t often feel lonely, but sometimes I wonder if I should try again. Tonight has been one of those times.

 

[Cowpolk]

My wife is a Filipina and, after 18 years, there are definite trade-offs. Be prepared to never being able to wear any footwear in your own house again. Next, anything that's left on a counter for more than 5-10 minutes goes into what I call "The Pinay Abyss" (it's gone for ever...you'll never find it). Finally, it becomes standard affair to have 20-30 filipinas over your house for random karaoke parties. It's all fun and games until you've heard Celine Dion songs sung badly around the clock for oh so many years. Invest in Bose noise cancelling headphones.

The worst part is when the Filipina's drag along their usually social-awkward Husbands and my wife wants me to "hang with them"; to be a good "Dude-host" for 5-6 hours. Most of these dudes are older (50s) and are almost never into anything I'm into (Sports, cars, fishing, drinking beer...you know..'Man Stuff'). So over the past 4-5 years, I've boycotted my hosting duties. I simply stay in my computer room, in the dark, Noise cancelling headphones donned, sipping on beer, watching the NFL/UFC until the ordeal is over. Then when everyone starts to leave, I'll come out and act like "Oh hey...man..I didn't know you guys were here. Hope you had a good time. Nice seeing ya'!" Yeah, that's right...I've become THAT kind of A-Hole..

I married a country girl she likes fishing cussing drinking beer and booze. And she is a Cowboy fan. We both hate company coming to visit except for a few people. Our marriage will end like couchcoach's when 1 of us dies. And i'm about deaf so I dont need the headphones

 

[dallasdave]

I married a country girl she likes fishing cussing drinking beer and booze. And she is a Cowboy fan. We both hate company coming to visit except for a few people. Our marriage will end like couchcoach's when 1 of us dies. And i'm about deaf so I dont need the headphones

Sounds like she likes the best things in life

 

[Montanalo]

I divorced my ex-wife after nearly 20 years' and two children... it was a nasty, mean-spirited and gut-wrenching. It has now been more than 10 year's since the divorce and, in all seriousness, here are a few things I learned:

First, I am "OK". In fact, I am better than just "OK". After I stopped beating myself up, I sought advice and counseling through my company's employees assistance program. Believe me, it was a hard thing to do to seek professional help - to admit I couldn't solve this by myself - but it was so worth it. I learned that what I felt - anger, betrayal, sadness, etc. - was not only normal, but healthy. The "healthy" part was really about acknowledging those feelings and then doing something about them.

Second, refocusing my efforts elsewhere was incredible therapeutic. I never liked the trite expression, "find a hobby". That's not what I mean, rather, find something that you are passionate about and pursue it. In my case, I was an avid scuba diver prior to getting married. My ex-wife, never really supported my diving and, as a consequence, I slowly drifted away from something I truly loved. Since the divorce, I have rekindled the passion for diving and now, in fact work part-time as an instructor.

Third, maintaining the high road with the children pays dividends in the long run. I refused to discuss the reasons for the divorce with my kids. The natural urge, at the time, was to tell them exactly what I thought of their mother... but I didn't. This is not the approach my ex-wife took. Today, though, I enjoy a better and stronger relationship with my adult children than I could have ever imagined.

Fourth, I can't believe I waited nearly 20 years to divorce my ex-wife. In hindsight, all the signs of a disintegrating marriage were right before my eyes. I chose, instead, to think I could "fix" it. One thing I learned in counseling is that the vast majority of people that divorce, acknowledge it should have happened far sooner.

Fifth, there is life after divorce. Much to my surprise, there are a lot of truly wonderful women looking to meet a normal (ok, my obsession with the Dallas Cowboys, notwithstanding) men. As it turned out, I met someone from work, someone I had known for years, someone that is truly wonderful and we have been married for several very happy years.

Not real pithy, but if you are like me, you are searching for answers... hope this helps in some way.

 

[Montanalo]

It was a bad night, and I'm very sorry to Lukin and this thread. I'm so sorry for the way I was posting last night to everyone in this thread. It's not an excuse, but I just had wisdom teeth surgery and was hopped up on too many pain pills and posting a fool.

Hey, Trouty, don't give it a second thought. You spoke from the heart, which one of the things I truly enjoy about your posts. From my perspective, you're one of the most respected and well-liked posters on this board.

 

[lukin2006]

I have been enjoying reading so many great replies. I thank each and every poster for their replies ... the kindness I have recieved from fellow CZ members is amazing. Each and every one of you should be proud of yourself for your kindness. In time I will try reply to of the comments.

This was our 2nd separation in 12 months, the 2nd started at the beginning of the year. The first separation was last August and lasted for a few weeks, when she did come back I always suspected she had 1 foot out the door anyways. In the end I know this is best. I still have strong feelings for her, I don't think the feelings are mutual at this point. I have retained a lawyer and am in the process of obtaining insurance (dental, prescription). She was my sole support because I left my job due to a disability (with her blessing and encouragement) ... Canada has good no fault divorce laws ... The will be my first step is to visit a lawyer. Believe me I was willing to do what ever it took to fix the marriage.

I am not interested in entering another relationship for a good while. Heck I haven't asked a lady on date in 30 years.

 

[YosemiteSam]

 

[lukin2006]

I knew it was over when she admitted that she left me off her work health benefits (these benefits are of no cost to her) ... what does that say? I am 53 with a disability and no benefits? My first impression when I found was "that's spiteful and mean". That's also when I realized she could not have much feeling for me anymore ... I asked her about my needs, her reply " keep the receipts and she'll reimburse me" ... why not just add me ... let the insurance pay.

Where I feel like a real fool ... 5 years ago was she handling our finances into bankruptcy. I took over the finances after that and rebuilt the finances ... she racked me over the coals about my frugal ways. For one, I am not cheap ... I don't waste money. In the last 25 years we've been to Costa Rica, Mexico, Bahamas, Panama Canal Cruise, the Canadian Rockies, Florida (often), California, Arizona, Guatemala, Grand Canyon, Sequoia, Everglades and many more places, been to many sporting events and concerts...these things were possible because I was frugal. Many of these trips happened when I was handling the money. Since we have separated I have handed her close to 10 000 from my savings so she could take a 3 week UK vacation (I was totally supportive), 2 weeks after she gets back she ends the marriage. I've also spent close to 10 000 on house and vehicle repairs.

It turns out that me doing all will benefit me in the divorce and she may have to re-pay some of the money. I do know this. I doubt she has much money, even after bankruptcy she is still terrible with money.

And after-all this I still have feelings for her. I made a commitment to myself that July 1st I am moving on from her. My lawyer will get everything sorted out quickly. I worked hard the last 25 years, developed a disability ... this divorce will not derail my plans to take it easy in my 50's.

Also I foolishly gave her 2 weeks to get her own insurance for her car. I should just cancel it.

 

[Runwildboys]

I have been enjoying reading so many great replies. I thank each and every poster for their replies ... the kindness I have recieved from fellow CZ members is amazing. Each and every one of you should be proud of yourself for your kindness. In time I will try reply to of the comments.

This was our 2nd separation in 12 months, the 2nd started at the beginning of the year. The first separation was last August and lasted for a few weeks, when she did come back I always suspected she had 1 foot out the door anyways. In the end I know this is best. I still have strong feelings for her, I don't think the feelings are mutual at this point. I have retained a lawyer and am in the process of obtaining insurance (dental, prescription). She was my sole support because I left my job due to a disability (with her blessing and encouragement) ... Canada has good no fault divorce laws ... The will be my first step is to visit a lawyer. Believe me I was willing to do what ever it took to fix the marriage.

I am not interested in entering another relationship for a good while. Heck I haven't asked a lady on date in 30 years.

Whatever you do, remember, you have family here. Whether you need a laugh, a shoulder, or the name of a good Asian dating site. (Okay, I haven't found that last one yet. If you find one, let me know!)

 

[Runwildboys]

I knew it was over when she admitted that she left me off her work health benefits (these benefits are of no cost to her) ... what does that say? I am 53 with a disability and no benefits? My first impression when I found was "that's spiteful and mean". That's also when I realized she could not have much feeling for me anymore ... I asked her about my needs, her reply " keep the receipts and she'll reimburse me" ... why not just add me ... let the insurance pay.

Where I feel like a real fool ... 5 years ago was she handling our finances into bankruptcy. I took over the finances after that and rebuilt the finances ... she racked me over the coals about my frugal ways. For one, I am not cheap ... I don't waste money. In the last 25 years we've been to Costa Rica, Mexico, Bahamas, Panama Canal Cruise, the Canadian Rockies, Florida (often), California, Arizona, Guatemala, Grand Canyon, Sequoia, Everglades and many more places, been to many sporting events and concerts...these things were possible because I was frugal. Many of these trips happened when I was handling the money. Since we have separated I have handed her close to 10 000 from my savings so she could take a 3 week UK vacation (I was totally supportive), 2 weeks after she gets back she ends the marriage. I've also spent close to 10 000 on house and vehicle repairs.

It turns out that me doing all will benefit me in the divorce and she may have to re-pay some of the money. I do know this. I doubt she has much money, even after bankruptcy she is still terrible with money.

And after-all this I still have feelings for her. I made a commitment to myself that July 1st I am moving on from her. My lawyer will get everything sorted out quickly. I worked hard the last 25 years, developed a disability ... this divorce will not derail my plans to take it easy in my 50's.

Also I foolishly gave her 2 weeks to get her own insurance for her car. I should just cancel it.

I know you want to think there's some good in her, but it seems to me that believing her about anything (especially that she'll reimburse your medical expenses, after removing you from her insurance) would be foolish, and regrettable.
I don't know how it works there, but is it possible she took you off her insurance to make room for someone else?

 

[YosemiteSam]

My wife is a Filipina and, after 18 years, there are definite trade-offs. Be prepared to never being able to wear any footwear in your own house again. Next, anything that's left on a counter for more than 5-10 minutes goes into what I call "The Pinay Abyss" (it's gone for ever...you'll never find it). Finally, it becomes standard affair to have 20-30 filipinas over your house for random karaoke parties. It's all fun and games until you've heard Celine Dion songs sung badly around the clock for oh so many years. Invest in Bose noise cancelling headphones.

The worst part is when the Filipina's drag along their usually social-awkward Husbands and my wife wants me to "hang with them"; to be a good "Dude-host" for 5-6 hours. Most of these dudes are older (50s) and are almost never into anything I'm into (Sports, cars, fishing, drinking beer...you know..'Man Stuff'). So over the past 4-5 years, I've boycotted my hosting duties. I simply stay in my computer room, in the dark, Noise cancelling headphones donned, sipping on beer, watching the NFL/UFC until the ordeal is over. Then when everyone starts to leave, I'll come out and act like "Oh hey...man..I didn't know you guys were here. Hope you had a good time. Nice seeing ya'!" Yeah, that's right...I've become THAT kind of A-Hole..

Ha. My step-mother was Filipino and I have four step-brothers and a step-sister. My step-mother wouldn't do karaoke, but they would have mahjong playing parties. My dad would play with them too. They would ask me and I would just stare at them, go to my room pick up my guitar, turn the amp all the way up and start jamming haha.

Early on, my step-mother and I didn't get a long at all. Later in life it was much better, but she could nasty when she wanted to be. I remember, when I dad wasn't home. She would tell me to take out the trash in Tagalog. When I was 13-14, I only understood some of the bad words at that time. Anyhow, she would tell me this and then not say another word until my father guy home and she would raise hell with him telling him she asked me to take out the trash and I didn't do it.

So, I got smart. I came home from school and hid a recorder. I recorded the entire time I was home from school till my father got him and when the bleep hit the fan. I produced the recorder and we played the entire thing back and I be damned if she didn't tell me to do something in Tagalog. Boy was there ever a massive fight that night between them after he found out she was doing exactly what I said she was doing.,

Needless to say, all requests came in English after that.

 

[Melonfeud]

I knew it was over when she admitted that she left me off her work health benefits (these benefits are of no cost to her) ... what does that say? I am 53 with a disability and no benefits? My first impression when I found was "that's spiteful and mean". That's also when I realized she could not have much feeling for me anymore ... I asked her about my needs, her reply " keep the receipts and she'll reimburse me" ... why not just add me ... let the insurance pay.

Where I feel like a real fool ... 5 years ago was she handling our finances into bankruptcy. I took over the finances after that and rebuilt the finances ... she racked me over the coals about my frugal ways. For one, I am not cheap ... I don't waste money. In the last 25 years we've been to Costa Rica, Mexico, Bahamas, Panama Canal Cruise, the Canadian Rockies, Florida (often), California, Arizona, Guatemala, Grand Canyon, Sequoia, Everglades and many more places, been to many sporting events and concerts...these things were possible because I was frugal. Many of these trips happened when I was handling the money. Since we have separated I have handed her close to 10 000 from my savings so she could take a 3 week UK vacation (I was totally supportive), 2 weeks after she gets back she ends the marriage. I've also spent close to 10 000 on house and vehicle repairs.

It turns out that me doing all will benefit me in the divorce and she may have to re-pay some of the money. I do know this. I doubt she has much money, even after bankruptcy she is still terrible with money.

And after-all this I still have feelings for her. I made a commitment to myself that July 1st I am moving on from her. My lawyer will get everything sorted out quickly. I worked hard the last 25 years, developed a disability ... this divorce will not derail my plans to take it easy in my 50's.

Also I foolishly gave her 2 weeks to get her own insurance for her car. I should just cancel it.

Well,if you already told her she's got two week's of car insurance on yer' dime,,,YES! by all means cancel that policy as of yesterday,,,
Bro! you've done dropped 10k down a 'dry hole' already,,, time to apply a tourniquet to that Financial hemorrhaging

 

[lukin2006]

I know you want to think there's some good in her, but it seems to me that believing her about anything (especially that she'll reimburse your medical expenses, after removing you from her insurance) would be foolish, and regrettable.
I don't know how it works there, but is it possible she took you off her insurance to make room for someone else?

I twice suspected her of having an affair ... both times she denied it. But she was not shocked by the question either time. That's why I feel like a fool ... I have beed wondering that myself.

 

[lukin2006]

Well,if you already told her she's got two week's of car insurance on yer' dime,,,YES! by all means cancel that policy as of yesterday,,,
Bro! you've done dropped 10k down a 'dry hole' already,,, time to apply a tourniquet to that Financial hemorrhaging

Would that be legal? I was going to ask my lawyer. My other concern is that the car is in both our names. With no insurance and she gets into an accident then I will be leaving myself open for a lawsuit...

 

[Melonfeud]

Ha. My step-mother was Filipino and I have four step-brothers and a step-sister. My step-mother wouldn't do karaoke, but they would have mahjong playing parties. My dad would play with them too. They would ask me and I would just stare at them, go to my room pick up my guitar, turn the amp all the way up and start jamming haha.

Early on, my step-mother and I didn't get a long at all. Later in life it was much better, but she could nasty when she wanted to be. I remember, when I dad wasn't home. She would tell me to take out the trash in Tagalog. When I was 13-14, I only understood some of the bad words at that time. Anyhow, she would tell me this and then not say another word until my father guy home and she would raise hell with him telling him she asked me to take out the trash and I didn't do it.

So, I got smart. I came home from school and hid a recorder. I recorded the entire time I was home from school till my father got him and when the bleep hit the fan. I produced the recorder and we played the entire thing back and I be damned if she didn't tell me to do something in Tagalog. Boy was there ever a massive fight that night between them after he found out she was doing exactly what I said she was doing.,

Needless to say, all requests came in English after that.

my understanding of you & yer' nature is much clearer now,as I'd always kinda' figured you for being just a natural A-hole,,,I am sorry about that Y.S.

 

[Melonfeud]

Would that be legal? I was going to ask my lawyer. My other concern is that the car is in both our names. With no insurance and she gets into an accident then I will be leaving myself open for a lawsuit...

Yep, if you're on the title of that vehicle you'd possibly be liable in the event of an accident,,,best if we rethink on this,,,