Here are the reasons why I thought "The Dark Knight Rises" was lame. I'm not just blindly hating it. Hey, I gave "Batman Begins" an 8/10 and "The Dark Knight" a 9/10. But this one I had soooo many issues with. The Nolan-directed Batman movies are supposed to be the "realistic" superhero movies, yet I found myself having to suspend my disbelief over and over and over again.
1. Bruce Wayne has a broken back, with a vertebrae even sticking out... and he is healed by some guy punching him in the back? A couple months later he is climbing up walls and making impossible jumps?
2. Speaking of jumps, how incredibly cheesy and coincidental that all those bats flew by just as he was about to "Rise" out of that prison.
3. So you're telling me that a little girl makes that jump when no grown men can? And the reason is cause she had the willpower? Ridiculous.
4. So this is the most impossible prison ever to escape... yet they readily provide you rope to help you try to climb out of? And there's no security at the top of the hole if you do escape?
5. If you have all that rope readily available, why are these prisoners not repeatedly trying to make that jump over and over and over? Why wait to do it once every few months?
6. So Talia hated her dad- but for some reason, she wanted to complete his work?
7. Hated the coincidence of Gordon putting the deactivator or whatever it was in place one instant before she hits the trigger.
8. Hated the coincidence of Selina showing up right in time to shoot Bane right as he was about to kill Batman.
9. Hated the coincidence of Selina and Bruce Wayne just happening to show up at same place, same time, just in time to save a thief kid from getting beat up.
10. So Batman and Bane are are humans, yet are breaking columns with their punches?
11. So Batman is a human, yet he’s kicking a brick wall and breaking it with a hobbled leg?
12. So Batman took the time to make a design a HUGE bat out of fire when the city is on a time crunch to get blown up?
13. How come Gordon, Batman and friends could walk on that breaking ice and have a whole freaking casual conversation there?
14. So Batman, a human, can now apparently dodge machine gun bullets at close range, in the dark?
15. So Bruce Wayne and Batman, the two most visible and famous Gotham citizens, both disappeared at the exact same time eight years ago, and both reappear at the exact same time eight years later... and nobody puts this together?
16. So Bruce left Gotham to train for many years… then he came back... then he was gone for 8 years… then he is in a prison for several months... then he retires as Batman... so how long was he actually Batman? A year or two? Isn't Bruce Wayne is supposed to be in his 30s?
17. I thought this was a Batman movie.. how come we hardly saw any Batman at all?
18. Why the heck was Talia/Bane waiting months to detonate the bomb? What was the point? If she really wanted to kill all of them, why not just do it?
19. They show a shot of Bruce Wayne’s pictures of dead parents and dead girlfriend… then is asked out of nowhere at that exact moment, “where is Alfred?” to which he replies “he’s gone”... all heavy handedly hammer the point home that he’s alone now and to try to manipulate sympathy from the audience.
20. And as he’s looking sadly at his dead girlfriend's picture, he starts passionately kissing this woman he just met out of nowhere… and they have sex.
21. And by the end of the movie, he has hooked up with a completely different woman and spends his life with her… someone who was a thief the entire movie.
22. The disposition about Clean Slate was hilarious— a character totally explaining what it is in an unbelievable way so the audience knows what it is. "Clean Slate?? You mean the bla bla bla that bla bla bla??" with a gun to his head to a person who already knows what it is, why else would she want it?
23. I couldn’t understand half of what Bayne said.
24. Why did Alfred have to leave? He was concerned, and made up a lie (or was it?) about his Rachel, cause he knew that would make Bruce kick him out? Even though he’s cared for him forever? And Bruce knew he was doing it to protect him, and yet he was still forced to leave? None of this made sense.
25. So only 4 people showed up at the city's most famous citizen’s funeral?
26. I thought the bomb killed anything within a 6 mile radius? The city probably wasn’t six miles away when it exploded. And Batman, even if he put the thing on autopilot, most certainly wasn't 6 miles away.
27. On top of Bale's Batman voice being grating, he wouldn't ever close his mouth any time he was Batman. Also grating on the nerves.
28. Why the heck did Bane or Talia give a crap about Gotham? Neither of them are from there. Why is it so important to blow it up and make its citizens pay? If it's revenge on Batman, why, because he killed Talia's dad... the same person she hates and who Bane hates for excommunicating him? On that note, why is Bane so loyal to a organization that kicked him out?
29. How come Bruce Wayne gets his power cut off the same night he loses his money? Was he already a month behind on his electric bill at this point? No.
30. How did Bruce Wayne come up with the Clean Slate program?
31. So when Batman is surrounded on the bridge, there is just conveniently one of those car carrying trucks there that he just happens to fire perfectly at for the ramp to fall down so he can conveniently drive up to the fortunately placed streets.
32. How come Bruce Wayne can barely walk with a cane, yet he can dance like Fred Astaire without one?
33. How did Bruce make it back to Gotham from the prison? He has no money, and all the bridges into Gotham were collapsed.
