Four Commanders fans walk into a bar...

[THUMPER]

OH the delicious ironing.

Classic.

 

[Baileyneverfailey]

OH the delicious ironing

You probably shouldn't taste your clothes while pressing them, to be honest.

 

[Hostile]

You probably shouldn't taste your clothes while pressing them, to be honest.

Nice twist.

 

[Hostile]

A guy walks into a bar with a Rotweiler by his side. The dog is wearing a Washington Commanders jersey and helmet, and is festooned with Commanders pom pons. The bartender says, "Hey! No pets are allowed in here! You'll have to leave!"

The guy begs him: "Look, I'm desperate. We're both big fans, the TV is broken, and this is the only place around where we can see the game!"

After securing a promise that the dog will behave, and warning him that he and the dog will be thrown out if there's any trouble, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game.

The big game begins with the Commanders receiving the kickoff. They march down field, get stopped at about the 30, and kick a field goal. With that the dog jumps up on the bar, and begins walking up and down the bar giving high-fives to everyone.

The bartender says, "Wow, that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen! What does the dog do if they score a touchdown?"
The owner replies, "I don't know, I've only had him for 4 years."

 

[Hostile]

What is the similarity between the Commanders and a possum?


They both play dead at home and get killed on the road.


****

How do you keep Commanders out of your yard?


Paint a goal line.


****

What's the difference between a Commanders fan and a puppy?


After a couple of weeks the puppy quits whining.


****

Why do Washington Commanders players keep their Wonderlic results on their dash boards?

So they can park in the handicap spaces.


****

You're trapped in a room with an angry grizzly bear, a hungry Lion, and a fan of Washington Commanders. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?

Shoot the Commanders fan… twice.


****

What's the difference between a Commanders fan and a Chimp?

One is hairy, stupid and smells, and the other is a Chimpanzee.


****

How do you knock out a Commanders fan when he's been drinking?

Slam the toilet seat on his head.


****

A first-grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Washington Commanders fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Commanders fans too. Not really knowing what a Commanders fan was, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, their hands fly into the air.

There is, however, one exception. Kelly has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not a Commanders fan" she reports.

"Then," asks the teacher," What are you?"

"I'm a Dallas Cowboys fan," boasts the little girl.

The teacher asks Susie why she is a Cowboys fan.

"Well, my Dad and Mom are Cowboys fans, so I'm a Cowboys fan too," she responds.

"That's no reason," the teacher says. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot. What would you be then?"

Kelly smiles and says, "Then I'd be a Commanders fan."

 

[boba5555]

Football practice was delayed on Wednesday for nearly two hours for the Commanders. While on his way to the locker room, one of the players happened to look down and noticed a suspicious-looking, unknown white powdery substance on the practice field. Jim Zorn immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

 

[silverbear]

Post of the day.

A good joke, but seriously, y'all hadn't heard it before??

 

[silverbear]

Two Cowboys fans and a Commanders fan were walking down a Texas street when a car suddenly comes careening around a corner, hits a phone pole and the driver is thrown through the windshield.

The boys run up to the driver. It's a woman, she's dead, and buck naked.

One of the Cowboys fans places his cap over one of her boobs. The other Cowboys fan places his cap over the other boob. The Commanders fan places his cap over her ******.

The Sheriff comes to the scene and he's looking down at the body and the caps. He picks up the Commanders cap and looks at her ******. He puts it back. He picks it up. He puts it back.

He does this several times. Finally the Commanders fan asks what the problem is.

The Sheriff says I've seen a lot of these, but there's always an ******* under it.

Another old one, but one of my all-time favorites... the first time I heard it, I laughed until I got cramps in my rib cage...

 

[Velvet Jones]

Football practice was delayed on Wednesday for nearly two hours for the Commanders. While on his way to the locker room, one of the players happened to look down and noticed a suspicious-looking, unknown white powdery substance on the practice field. Jim Zorn immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

Oldy but goody. I wouldn't dare use it as Gold material in a face off, though.

 

[sonnyboy]

Oldy but goody. I wouldn't dare use it as Gold material in a face off, though.

HOS, your school room joke reminded me of when of my all-time favorites


A little long But I think this qualifies as GOLD material..........


Teacher announces to the class a special exercise for tonight. We're having a career day tomorrow, go home and ask your parents what they do for a living and write a short essay to be read aloud to class.

Next day teacher asks each child to stand in turn and read their essay.

Little Tommy gets up talks about his father the policeman, he puts bad guys in jail. Then Susan gets up and discusses her mother the doctor and so on and so on until they get to MIKEY..........

Mikey somewhat hesitant stands to talk about his father the Dancer. He dances in a gay bar for other men. Sometimes if the offer is good enough he'll take a customer out in the alley and........

Right then the teacher cuts off Mikey and tells the class to start another assignment.
She then takes little Mikey into the hall and asks him if those things he said about his father are true.
No he's says, but I wasn't going to tell the class he's a Commanders. :laugh2:

 

[LittleBoyBlue]

Four Commanders fans walk into a bar...

... each one proceeds to push each others stool in... leaving the last guy to push his own in?


:laugh2:

 

[5Stars]

Pure TOTAL GOLD...you guys, pure GOLD!!

I'm gonna have me some fun TODAY. I hope those yo-yo's can take it because I know I'm going to hear the same lame old crap about the CrackBoys, criminals, coke heads, you know, all that lame stuff that Commanders fans always spout out? Oh, and the really LAME "win a playoff game first" (as if that is what the Cowboys are about, a lousy playoff game when the goal is the big dance).

Yes, this afternoon is going to be fun...trash the Cowboys to the bartender, he don't care, he wants the tips...but, don't trash them in front of me!

(shorts today so I can show them my tattoo of the Cowboy helmet on my leg...helll yezzzz)

 

[AmishCowboy]

Yeah, I guess that whole 12 years without a playoff victory thing does get old after a while.

How many years since your last SB?, A lot longer then 12 years.

 

[LittleBoyBlue]

Pure TOTAL GOLD...you guys, pure GOLD!!

I'm gonna have me some fun TODAY. I hope those yo-yo's can take it because I know I'm going to hear the same lame old crap about the CrackBoys, criminals, coke heads, you know, all that lame stuff that Commanders fans always spout out? Oh, and the really LAME "win a playoff game first" (as if that is what the Cowboys are about, a lousy playoff game when the goal is the big dance).

Yes, this afternoon is going to be fun...trash the Cowboys to the bartender, he don't care, he wants the tips...but, don't trash them in front of me!

(shorts today so I can show them my tattoo of the Cowboy helmet on my leg...helll yezzzz)

For you

 

[5Stars]

For you

YO, YoMick...I need another one of those tee-shirts! One to crap on, and the other one to cover it up!

 

[Sonny#9]

"Oh...hey guys, Good luck to the Commanders and if we ever have another strike year you might win another SuperBowl"!

That's funny. Good one. Wasn't one of those years the time that the Commanders Scabs (replacement players for you youngin's) beat most of the Dallas starters that crossed the picket line, including Danny White and Tony Dorsett?

 

[Sonny#9]

I don't know? I just need some one-liners to get their blood pressure up!

What, can't come up with your own?

These guys are MEN into their upper ages acting like teen age fools. And what pissed me off most was just as they were getting up to leave one guy told the bartender "I'll be back to trash your Cowboys some more tomorrow..." and started to laugh like a damn high school girl.

Now that's just funny...

I pity those fools...

The feeling is mutual...

 

[DCBoysfan]

I have some new jokes to tell at work, thanks Zone..its gets old LOL at LiL Danny and his cohorts :laugh1:

 

[Sonny#9]

For you

Too bad they don't make an NFL-Record Playoff Losing streak t-shirt


(I love a good ol' fashioned s-talk thread! Too bad I have to get back to work...)

 

[LittleBoyBlue]

Too bad they don't make an NFL-Record Playoff Losing streak t-shirt


(I love a good ol' fashioned s-talk thread! Too bad I have to get back to work...)

For your 20th year from winning the last *SB* I will make you one.... 2-3 more years right lmao :laugh2: