FEATURED Morning Pops!

[Xelda]

Well, sometimes don't you just hate being right? I had really hinky feelings about this from the beginning.

I was worried about the Option 1 or 2 and awakening to a life after that and Option 3 got me. As is customary with this type of surgery by an Oncology Surgeon, he makes a smaller vertical incision of about 6" to take a look around the abdominal cavity for anything suspicious before proceeding with the longer incisions and what he found caused him to just take samples of the nodules and just close me up. Those on the pathology board that thought my gall bladder was cancerous and not just dysplasia were correct.

It has metastasized into stage 4 cancer, treatable but incurable. I have an appointment with an Oncologist here in 2 weeks and my follow up with my surgeon the next day and to meet with his docs that specialize in GI cancer and treatment. There is an advantage of being in the care of the head of cancer at UT and Dell. I get access to some great minds working on the edge with some possible alternatives to chemo.

I've always said if I were faced with the same decision my wife had, what would I do? Well, now I have to answer that question. Do we measure the quality of life in days?

We haven't discussed this in terms of how much time I have left...yet. That will come with more options, including just letting this take it's course and manage the symptoms.

I appreciate all the concern, I really do, but do not feel you have to give me false hope. I used up all of that with my wife. One good thing is it not that same exact cancer, it's the sister to it though. The surgeon assured me this did not begin as cancer of the bile duct but of the gall bladder. I cannot express how important that is to me.

I am an enigma to myself, I am an emotional creature but pragmatic and accepting of things like this. I will have bad days but knowing they are now numbered for sure, I will work harder to change them. I am lucky to have a doc that shot square with me. My wife had one too young and he tried to sell false hope which only made it worse. I actually had to become an optimist and that's just against my nature.

The surgery wasn't as much fun as I thought it was going to be as they prepped me for the big one including a catheter and all kinds of needles going into me for a 4 hour operation. I've never had a catheter before and I wish I could still say that. What distorted and evil mind could even concoct such torture? And they thought removing it before I woke up would go unnoticed?

I know this isn't what y'all wanted to hear but I do want you to know I am OK with this, I really am. I've struggled all my life to be happy, especially in the moment without looking forward to the next thing. Now, I have even more reason to embrace those moments.

Thank you again and I need to go rest now, I am beat. Not beaten, just beat and tired of people cutting on me.

DOODLES! Thank God that British spy didn't kill you. Thank you as well for letting us know what's going on. You had to know we'd be patiently waiting to hear from you. I was especially good and patient.

We all take that news differently. I didn't relate to it and felt like I didn't belong there but they kept giving me appointment cards. I still don't feel like I belong there, but know a whole lot of people that I didn't before. Most are really nice, but some snitches in lab told on me. Lab is where I become possessed with some wild woman's spirit and will spout out stuff I normally keep concealed. If I don't get along with someone, it's going to be in lab. My doctor stopped asking for blood and relies on other lab samples I'm forced to give. I said "you must have heard some stories" to which he walked off laughing.

Once I was diagnosed, I had to take a stupid chemo class. Why are people are always wanting to teach me stuff I don't want to know? In class, the teacher said the #1 group that survives cancer are the optimists. I pictured myself standing up in the middle of the class pronouncing "Welp! I'm screwed.". She then turned and said the second group with the best survival chances are the stubborn and hard headed. In my mind I told the class "I'm back in it, y'all!" then followed up with a little Phil Collins "HA HA HA.....ooooh".

In short, we're here for you.

 

[Bobhaze]

Well, sometimes don't you just hate being right? I had really hinky feelings about this from the beginning.

I was worried about the Option 1 or 2 and awakening to a life after that and Option 3 got me. As is customary with this type of surgery by an Oncology Surgeon, he makes a smaller vertical incision of about 6" to take a look around the abdominal cavity for anything suspicious before proceeding with the longer incisions and what he found caused him to just take samples of the nodules and just close me up. Those on the pathology board that thought my gall bladder was cancerous and not just dysplasia were correct.

It has metastasized into stage 4 cancer, treatable but incurable. I have an appointment with an Oncologist here in 2 weeks and my follow up with my surgeon the next day and to meet with his docs that specialize in GI cancer and treatment. There is an advantage of being in the care of the head of cancer at UT and Dell. I get access to some great minds working on the edge with some possible alternatives to chemo.

I've always said if I were faced with the same decision my wife had, what would I do? Well, now I have to answer that question. Do we measure the quality of life in days?

We haven't discussed this in terms of how much time I have left...yet. That will come with more options, including just letting this take it's course and manage the symptoms.

I appreciate all the concern, I really do, but do not feel you have to give me false hope. I used up all of that with my wife. One good thing is it not that same exact cancer, it's the sister to it though. The surgeon assured me this did not begin as cancer of the bile duct but of the gall bladder. I cannot express how important that is to me.

I am an enigma to myself, I am an emotional creature but pragmatic and accepting of things like this. I will have bad days but knowing they are now numbered for sure, I will work harder to change them. I am lucky to have a doc that shot square with me. My wife had one too young and he tried to sell false hope which only made it worse. I actually had to become an optimist and that's just against my nature.

The surgery wasn't as much fun as I thought it was going to be as they prepped me for the big one including a catheter and all kinds of needles going into me for a 4 hour operation. I've never had a catheter before and I wish I could still say that. What distorted and evil mind could even concoct such torture? And they thought removing it before I woke up would go unnoticed?

I know this isn't what y'all wanted to hear but I do want you to know I am OK with this, I really am. I've struggled all my life to be happy, especially in the moment without looking forward to the next thing. Now, I have even more reason to embrace those moments.

Thank you again and I need to go rest now, I am beat. Not beaten, just beat and tired of people cutting on me.

I am so saddened to hear this my dear friend. Words seem so inadequate. I did see some good news in the word “treatable”. Praying for you and your sons. What if anything can your friends here do for you?

 

[CouchCoach]

I am so saddened to hear this my dear friend. Words seem so inadequate. I did see some good news in the word “treatable”. Praying for you and your sons. What if anything can your friends here do for you?

Bullet, just continue to do what y'all have always done, provided unconditional support and the platform for me to be me.

I could never describe how important this particular thread is to me because of how it was set up and it's purpose. And I now feel a kinship to Pops that I belong here. I feel I can express myself here without fear of hurting people because I cannot be as honest with my family and friends as I can be here about how I really feel because they will internalize and personalize it as I do not want to remain with them and that is not the case.

I cannot explain it but I knew I would be telling the Pops people what I revealed yesterday. I knew I would wake up yesterday in a whole new situation.

The "treatable" part is the unknown at this point and could just involve pain management and the passage of time or immunotherapy, which has a better side effects situation than chemo but I do not know a lot about that but I will be learning if that is an option. Because of his background at MD Anderson he has some wiggle room with experimental therapies and his GI guys particularly since that is his specialty. I met 3 of his residents and all they could talk about was how lucky I was to have him and how lucky they were to be his residents.

One of the snafus in this was the call to my son after the surgery. He got caught up in an emergency and the nurse that called my son told him "the surgery went well, he's in recovery and you can pick him up this afternoon". All except the recovery part was fiction and after they discovered what happened, they were mortified because they learned that my son got the bad news from me with me assuming he already knew. It was really terrible to go through that because he was totally unprepared. My son was not only confused, as that was not the plan because I had texted him that the stay could be as long as 7 days and I was going into ICU for at least the first day, ICU and come pick him up are not the same, not even close.

Chemo is going to be one tough sell to me as I've witnessed that too up close and personal and since this is incurable and they really don't have a complete picture on just how far it has spread as the full pathology report is not complete or the aggressiveness determined.

One thing I learned from my experience with my wife was listening for clues within what they say. She missed some of them because she was still in that denial stage which I have just passed on by and was actually better prepared to hear the bad news. My surgeon was accompanied by his number one Oncology nurse yesterday when we discussed this and he is in the loop on my past experience with my wife and chemo and dropped words like Palliative and Hospice and I picked up on that quickly. They feel this is pretty far along.

One thing we were all three in agreement on was no person on this planet should use the words "quality of life" on another person. I got so sick of hearing that applied to my wife. She couldn't enjoy a glass of wine, the taste of her exceptional cooking, energy or intimate time with her husband (she never said different so I am assuming that part of the quality of life, I know, presumptuous on my part) and the effects of chemo that last half of her fight were awful. Worse than the monster she was fighting was the one they put inside her. And I will have the same exact cocktail as she had Cisplatin and Gemcitabine, about as strong as it gets. Separate they're a handful, together they're awful and she had 12 months of that.

I know you, Jan and X girl are survivors but you had a fighting chance with something curable, this is an entirely different battle with the outcome certain, just not set on the timing yet. That affects the decision making and that ever present "quality of life".

The concept of life is puzzling enough but throw in the expiration date and how one wants to live that and give me a cigar in my mouth and a cocktail in hand over an IV tube. There are some that would think that crazy but then they would think I am crazy anyway. Not everyone gets to choose their exit strategy.

Sorry about the length of these posts but I am so fond of saying "I can't take my words with me" that has new meaning.

 

[CouchCoach]

I hope you don't mind if I refrain from giving this post a like.

I understand your acceptance of this, and I certainly prefer it over pretty much any other reaction one could have. I'm sure it's much more peaceful.

Well, so far I've come up with more words than I expected to.

My greatest hope at this point is that you get to live the rest of your life your way, and that you take great satisfaction in knowing that this monster may take you, but it won't beat you.

Of course I mind, I got cancer to get the Likes.

Just the response I expected from you, my friend.

It's not like I haven't cogitated on this "what would I do"? Stage 4 pretty much cuts down the options and I do have this personal knowledge of one therapy.

The reality is I am 74, that's a pretty long life, my wife only got 64 and her Dad only 53 and my Dad got 88 and 3 of those were my worst nightmare, he died without dignity and with too much suffering. One thing I am certain of, I will make the call when it is time. I had to do that for my Dad, wife and Mom and while I have no reservations that was the right thing to do, it still sits heavy with me at times.

 

[CouchCoach]

I don’t like the news but I respect your reasoning. I’m an optimist so I’ll continue with hope.

Thank you, hope is never really wasted. I use that term too loosely because I look back at my hope for my wife as wasted but was it really? Was I not better off with hope for her and more supportive because I actually thought divine intervention would save her. I actually became that thing I'd always made fun of, an optimist, and it carried over even though the outcome was not what I wanted,

Took me most of my life to discover optimism is never about the destination and all about the journey. It is it's own reward.

 

[CouchCoach]

I, too, cannot like this post, nor can I make any other response but to say my heart and soul are hurting, and I will continue my prayers.

Do not let your heart and soul hurt for me, dear lady, but I know this news has a significant meaning for you personally and for that reason, I wish I had a better news but somehow I was prepared for this and my surgeon was really surprised but we had this talk right before the surgery so he knew I as expecting this to not come out right.

When you pray, just ask the Man to keep me strong to the end.

 

[CouchCoach]

DOODLES! Thank God that British spy didn't kill you. Thank you as well for letting us know what's going on. You had to know we'd be patiently waiting to hear from you. I was especially good and patient.

We all take that news differently. I didn't relate to it and felt like I didn't belong there but they kept giving me appointment cards. I still don't feel like I belong there, but know a whole lot of people that I didn't before. Most are really nice, but some snitches in lab told on me. Lab is where I become possessed with some wild woman's spirit and will spout out stuff I normally keep concealed. If I don't get along with someone, it's going to be in lab. My doctor stopped asking for blood and relies on other lab samples I'm forced to give. I said "you must have heard some stories" to which he walked off laughing.

Once I was diagnosed, I had to take a stupid chemo class. Why are people are always wanting to teach me stuff I don't want to know? In class, the teacher said the #1 group that survives cancer are the optimists. I pictured myself standing up in the middle of the class pronouncing "Welp! I'm screwed.". She then turned and said the second group with the best survival chances are the stubborn and hard headed. In my mind I told the class "I'm back in it, y'all!" then followed up with a little Phil Collins "HA HA HA.....ooooh".

In short, we're here for you.

I know you are, X girl, that's why I came here as soon as I was able.

I have been lucky, I have been on the receiving end of this thread for the last few months and the comfort it brings me is immeasurable. I thought about this thread and the people that make it up, right after I received the news. I mean it was family, Pops thread and friends.

I just happened onto this thread one day, wandered in and began to feel right at home. From what I gathered about Pops, he was a good man but not a judgmental man so I could have some fun in his thread and just kind of be myself, warts and all.

And then I discovered the inhabitants of this thread, wonderous creatures with compassion and empathy and never once thought 'one day I will need this, come here often'. I just did, I was drawn to it.

And other than Runny and ABQ, I do not see the others out and about participating in the other threads. And I do not see ABQ around much and hope he's OK. We didn't play well together but I like him anyway. After all, I defined my purpose on this planet as to either entertain people or annoy the hell out of them. Sometimes I get a double, they're pissed but they're laughing.

 

[GrammaJan]

Bullet, just continue to do what y'all have always done, provided unconditional support and the platform for me to be me.

I could never describe how important this particular thread is to me because of how it was set up and it's purpose. And I now feel a kinship to Pops that I belong here. I feel I can express myself here without fear of hurting people because I cannot be as honest with my family and friends as I can be here about how I really feel because they will internalize and personalize it as I do not want to remain with them and that is not the case.

I cannot explain it but I knew I would be telling the Pops people what I revealed yesterday. I knew I would wake up yesterday in a whole new situation.

The "treatable" part is the unknown at this point and could just involve pain management and the passage of time or immunotherapy, which has a better side effects situation than chemo but I do not know a lot about that but I will be learning if that is an option. Because of his background at MD Anderson he has some wiggle room with experimental therapies and his GI guys particularly since that is his specialty. I met 3 of his residents and all they could talk about was how lucky I was to have him and how lucky they were to be his residents.

One of the snafus in this was the call to my son after the surgery. He got caught up in an emergency and the nurse that called my son told him "the surgery went well, he's in recovery and you can pick him up this afternoon". All except the recovery part was fact and after they discovered what happened, they were mortified because they learned that my son got the bad news from me with me assuming he already knew. It was really terrible to go through that because he was totally unprepared. My son was not only confused, as that was not the plan because I had texted him that the stay could be as long as 7 days and I was going into ICU for at least the first day, ICU and come pick him up are not the same, not even close.

Chemo is going to be one tough sell to me as I've witnessed that too up close and personal and since this is incurable and they really don't have a complete picture on just how far it has spread as the full pathology report is not complete or the aggressiveness determined.

One thing I learned from my experience with my wife was listening for clues within what they say. She missed some of them because she was still in that denial stage which I have just passed on by and was actually better prepared to hear the bad news. My surgeon was accompanied by his number one Oncology nurse yesterday when we discussed this and he is in the loop on my past experience with my wife and chemo and dropped words like Palliative and Hospice and I picked up on that quickly. They feel this is pretty far along.

One thing we were all three in agreement on was no person on this planet should use the words "quality of life" on another person. I got so sick of hearing that applied to my wife. She couldn't enjoy a glass of wine, the taste of her exceptional cooking, energy or intimate time with her husband (she never said different so I am assuming that part of the quality of life, I know, presumptuous on my part) and the effects of chemo that last half of her fight were awful. Worse than the monster she was fighting was the one they put inside her. And I will have the same exact cocktail as she had Cisplatin and Gemcitabine, about as strong as it gets. Separate they're a handful, together they're awful and she had 12 months of that.

I know you, Jan and X girl are survivors but you had a fighting chance with something curable, this is an entirely different battle with the outcome certain, just not set on the timing yet. That affects the decision making and that ever present "quality of life".

The concept of life is puzzling enough but throw in the expiration date and how one wants to live that and give me a cigar in my mouth and a cocktail in hand over an IV tube. There are some that would think that crazy but then they would think I am crazy anyway. Not everyone gets to choose their exit strategy.

Sorry about the length of these posts but I am so fond of saying "I can't take my words with me" that has new meaning.

My turn to get long winded. I had the same exact chemo drugs plus one other in my cocktail, sans any olives (along with a blind clinical trial), Coach, and understand completely what you’re putting out there. My cancer is not curable, yet. They’ve just beaten it back with no recurrence up to now, yet they call me a survivor. New treatments come along all the time thanks to the trials and I’m thankful for that as where before if it had come back I’d have no further options, but there are now three more treatments in place should it rear it’s ugly had again (I’m more concerned with keeping my remaining kidney at this point.) Recurrence of mine is more likely than not (80% recurrence rate), and this is a great reminder to me to be diligent in taking care of ME every day. (Having said that, pockets are deep and I’m of the belief “they” already have the cure, but there is too much money to be made on the guinea pigs with the “treatments” and “therapies”. I’m not getting into that debate here as you are much more important to this thread than my conspiracy minded thoughts.)

Positive thinking goes a long way and helped me immensely in a similar but different circumstance, but not dwelling IN the negative does improve where you are in your headspace IMO.

Keeping you in thoughts and prayers, my friend…

 

[CouchCoach]

OK, my friends, time to turn this to other subjects. I have delivered the bad news and with the years most of us have lived, we are used to that by now.

I am not about getting all weepy on this thread, I will use the "Oh, No, Jaylon is gone" for that.

Time for me to return to my real job in life, ignoring real life and reveling in the absurdity and nonsense. It is so reassuring to have a purpose in life.

 

[CouchCoach]

My turn to get long winded. I had the same exact chemo drugs plus one other in my cocktail, sans any olives (along with a blind clinical trial), Coach, and understand completely what you’re putting out there. My cancer is not curable, yet. They’ve just beaten it back with no recurrence up to now, yet they call me a survivor. New treatments come along all the time thanks to the trials and I’m thankful for that as where before if it had come back I’d have no further options, but there are now three more treatments in place should it rear it’s ugly had again (I’m more concerned with keeping my remaining kidney at this point.) Recurrence of mine is more likely than not (80% recurrence rate), and this is a great reminder to me to be diligent in taking care of ME every day. (Having said that, pockets are deep and I’m of the belief “they” already have the cure, but there is too much money to be made on the guinea pigs with the “treatments” and “therapies”. I’m not getting into that debate here as you are much more important to this thread than my conspiracy minded thoughts.)

Positive thinking goes a long way and helped me immensely in a similar but different circumstance, but not dwelling IN the negative does improve where you are in your headspace IMO.

Keeping you in thoughts and prayers, my friend…

That is long winded? Amateur!

Jan, I did not know the likelihood of recurrence with yours or that is was kidney but I do like the additional therapies available to you. I also have a little understanding of the "other shoe syndrome" that survivors have as we met several while in chemo and they were nervous wrecks until they got their results.

Please do not read any give up into anything I write here. I am two days into this and do not yet know any of the options from the GI/Oncology department at UT and I have a lot of great medical minds looking at this. Next to MD Anderson, this is the place for me to be and how I got here was not by mistake. It was a strange journey that connected me with 008, his residents love his nickname and I am surprised no one used it before but then again, these are normal people with scientific minds, my sworn enemies.

BTW, no argument from me on the revenue stream of chemo for incurable cases.

 

[CouchCoach]

I think I am going to start a new series entitled OTOADM's, Odd Thoughts Of A Dying Man, and do not read any give up in that. Acceptance and giving up are not the same and acceptance for me is the first step on this path I must take. And you know by now, humor, or attempts at humor, is my defense against the dark forces.

As I am sitting there, I got to thinking and my random thoughts fell upon the food I've got packed into both the freezers and my pantry. There were some nurses in my room and we were visiting and I decided to share one of strategies with them. I am going to check every jar in my pantry for expiration dates and eat those the furthest out first, basically going against the grain because I do not want my condiments and pickles out living me. At first they just stopped and stared at me and then they burst out laughing and I heard them relating that to some fellow nurses out in the hall and they seemed to enjoy that rather odd idea.

I did have more than one nurse as well as all my docs tell me how well I was taking this and my recurring demands to see the catheterologist that violated me while I slumbered were amusing to them. One nurse informed me that there is no such thing as a catheterologist and I informed her "oh yeah, well your going to be missing one when I find this one".

It became my mission to make everyone laugh that entered my room and if I say so, I hit 1000 in that department. My favorite was when the 3 residents were in and I asked "OK, I've had the C section, why won't the baby come out"? I was and am still distended in the belly and look like I am 7 months pregnant, without the glow. They loved it and I think they want to invite me back for an encore.

And they may have been laughing just to humor me but that's OK, they're there to make me better.

I hate to admit this but my defense is so refined that there is no situation that does not bring humor to my mind including funerals. I've been told by many that I do not take life seriously enough and my question to that is are we supposed to do that? I mean, aren't we the real punchline to the joke?

And the oncology surgery floor at any hospital is in dire need of some laughs. Because you see, in CC World, the greatest of these is not love, it is laughter.

 

[Xelda]

I think I am going to start a new series entitled OTOADM's, Odd Thoughts Of A Dying Man, and do not read any give up in that. Acceptance and giving up are not the same and acceptance for me is the first step on this path I must take. And you know by now, humor, or attempts at humor, is my defense against the dark forces.

As I am sitting there, I got to thinking and my random thoughts fell upon the food I've got packed into both the freezers and my pantry. There were some nurses in my room and we were visiting and I decided to share one of strategies with them. I am going to check every jar in my pantry for expiration dates and eat those the furthest out first, basically going against the grain because I do not want my condiments and pickles out living me. At first they just stopped and stared at me and then they burst out laughing and I heard them relating that to some fellow nurses out in the hall and they seemed to enjoy that rather odd idea.

I did have more than one nurse as well as all my docs tell me how well I was taking this and my recurring demands to see the catheterologist that violated me while I slumbered were amusing to them. One nurse informed me that there is no such thing as a catheterologist and I informed her "oh yeah, well your going to be missing one when I find this one".

It became my mission to make everyone laugh that entered my room and if I say so, I hit 1000 in that department. My favorite was when the 3 residents were in and I asked "OK, I've had the C section, why won't the baby come out"? I was and am still distended in the belly and look like I am 7 months pregnant, without the glow. They loved it and I think they want to invite me back for an encore.

And they may have been laughing just to humor me but that's OK, they're there to make me better.

I hate to admit this but my defense is so refined that there is no situation that does not bring humor to my mind including funerals. I've been told by many that I do not take life seriously enough and my question to that is are we supposed to do that? I mean, aren't we the real punchline to the joke?

And the oncology surgery floor at any hospital is in dire need of some laughs. Because you see, in CC World, the greatest of these is not love, it is laughter.

Disclaimer: No pickles were harmed in the telling of this story

 

[Xelda]

It's a lot to take in and I'm not certain how I feel about it all. I have no right to jump on your back like Yosemite Sam did that camel and bark "YA! YA! Go mule, go! Let's get you treated!" It's ultimately your life and we have to trust you'll do what's best with it. Please understand you have a huge responsibility to take care of yourself up to our standards for you and we don't put our trust in you lightly. Do so with love, care, humor and more humor.

 

[LeonDixson]

Well, sometimes don't you just hate being right? I had really hinky feelings about this from the beginning.

I was worried about the Option 1 or 2 and awakening to a life after that and Option 3 got me. As is customary with this type of surgery by an Oncology Surgeon, he makes a smaller vertical incision of about 6" to take a look around the abdominal cavity for anything suspicious before proceeding with the longer incisions and what he found caused him to just take samples of the nodules and just close me up. Those on the pathology board that thought my gall bladder was cancerous and not just dysplasia were correct.

It has metastasized into stage 4 cancer, treatable but incurable. I have an appointment with an Oncologist here in 2 weeks and my follow up with my surgeon the next day and to meet with his docs that specialize in GI cancer and treatment. There is an advantage of being in the care of the head of cancer at UT and Dell. I get access to some great minds working on the edge with some possible alternatives to chemo.

I've always said if I were faced with the same decision my wife had, what would I do? Well, now I have to answer that question. Do we measure the quality of life in days?

We haven't discussed this in terms of how much time I have left...yet. That will come with more options, including just letting this take it's course and manage the symptoms.

I appreciate all the concern, I really do, but do not feel you have to give me false hope. I used up all of that with my wife. One good thing is it not that same exact cancer, it's the sister to it though. The surgeon assured me this did not begin as cancer of the bile duct but of the gall bladder. I cannot express how important that is to me.

I am an enigma to myself, I am an emotional creature but pragmatic and accepting of things like this. I will have bad days but knowing they are now numbered for sure, I will work harder to change them. I am lucky to have a doc that shot square with me. My wife had one too young and he tried to sell false hope which only made it worse. I actually had to become an optimist and that's just against my nature.

The surgery wasn't as much fun as I thought it was going to be as they prepped me for the big one including a catheter and all kinds of needles going into me for a 4 hour operation. I've never had a catheter before and I wish I could still say that. What distorted and evil mind could even concoct such torture? And they thought removing it before I woke up would go unnoticed?

I know this isn't what y'all wanted to hear but I do want you to know I am OK with this, I really am. I've struggled all my life to be happy, especially in the moment without looking forward to the next thing. Now, I have even more reason to embrace those moments.

Thank you again and I need to go rest now, I am beat. Not beaten, just beat and tired of people cutting on me.

Well, schitt. I guess knowing for sure is better than suspense. I will pray for the best possible quality of life from here on out.

 

[CouchCoach]

It's a lot to take in and I'm not certain how I feel about it all. I have no right to jump on your back like Yosemite Sam did that camel and bark "YA! YA! Go mule, go! Let's get you treated!" It's ultimately your life and we have to trust you'll do what's best with it. Please understand you have a huge responsibility to take care of yourself up to our standards for you and we don't put our trust in you lightly. Do so with love, care, humor and more humor.

I know that but no one lives in my head but me and that can be a scary place to be at times. I can slip into darkness so easily that I have to stay on guard constantly but I have always made it back from the edge before and I will not allow myself to even get that close now.

I am going to be open to every option proposed and weigh the variables, including maybe some experimental modalities that involve hallucinogens and and naked nurses but still wearing those old fashioned white shoes and stockings. Sigh, just an old-fashioned guy at heart.

 

[CouchCoach]

Well, schitt. I guess knowing for sure is better than suspense. I will pray for the best possible quality of life from here on out.

That is a wonderful prayer, Leon. And that cannot be measured with time.

 

[Montanalo]

I think I am going to start a new series entitled OTOADM's, Odd Thoughts Of A Dying Man, and do not read any give up in that. Acceptance and giving up are not the same and acceptance for me is the first step on this path I must take. And you know by now, humor, or attempts at humor, is my defense against the dark forces.

As I am sitting there, I got to thinking and my random thoughts fell upon the food I've got packed into both the freezers and my pantry. There were some nurses in my room and we were visiting and I decided to share one of strategies with them. I am going to check every jar in my pantry for expiration dates and eat those the furthest out first, basically going against the grain because I do not want my condiments and pickles out living me. At first they just stopped and stared at me and then they burst out laughing and I heard them relating that to some fellow nurses out in the hall and they seemed to enjoy that rather odd idea.

I did have more than one nurse as well as all my docs tell me how well I was taking this and my recurring demands to see the catheterologist that violated me while I slumbered were amusing to them. One nurse informed me that there is no such thing as a catheterologist and I informed her "oh yeah, well your going to be missing one when I find this one".

It became my mission to make everyone laugh that entered my room and if I say so, I hit 1000 in that department. My favorite was when the 3 residents were in and I asked "OK, I've had the C section, why won't the baby come out"? I was and am still distended in the belly and look like I am 7 months pregnant, without the glow. They loved it and I think they want to invite me back for an encore.

And they may have been laughing just to humor me but that's OK, they're there to make me better.

I hate to admit this but my defense is so refined that there is no situation that does not bring humor to my mind including funerals. I've been told by many that I do not take life seriously enough and my question to that is are we supposed to do that? I mean, aren't we the real punchline to the joke?

And the oncology surgery floor at any hospital is in dire need of some laughs. Because you see, in CC World, the greatest of these is not love, it is laughter.

There is probably nothing I, or for that matter, any of us, can say that you haven't already thought about or experienced. That said, I think i can speak for all of us on this forum, we have your back. Come here anytime - day or night -- we'll listen.

Now, in keeping with your observation that oncology surgery is in dire need of some laughs.... I had a moderate size melanoma remove from my scalp a few year's ago. In the recovery room, the surgical nurse dropped by and inquired how I was doing. I mentioned that oddly, i smelled popcorn during surgery. She burst out laughing, stating... "you were probably smelling the cauterization of your scalp (I know, not exactly dinner discussion)". Anyway, about 30 minutes later, the surgeon showed up with a fresh bag of popcorn. Now, that's a good sense of humor.

 

[CouchCoach]

One good thing about this and a real benefit is that the rarity of this and how it progressed and how the diagnosis was really missed several times qualifies a lot more eyes looking at this and giving their input. The entire Cancer Board at UT will review this next Thursday with all of the pathology back so when I meet with them, there will have been a lot of smart people looking at this. This, because of how it hid and progressed, qualifies for a full study so being a guinea pig isn't a bad deal at all.

Ya know it's just human nature to second guess a doc because they're human but this many, and some that specialize in this specific form of cancer, docs is a real blessing. And an opportunity for new material, I am thinking of going to the appointment as a mime that talks.

 

[CouchCoach]

There is probably nothing I, or for that matter, any of us, can say that you haven't already thought about or experienced. That said, I think i can speak for all of us on this forum, we have your back. Come here anytime - day or night -- we'll listen.

Now, in keeping with your observation that oncology surgery is in dire need of some laughs.... I had a moderate size melanoma remove from my scalp a few year's ago. In the recovery room, the surgical nurse dropped by and inquired how I was doing. I mentioned that oddly, i smelled popcorn during surgery. She burst out laughing, stating... "you were probably smelling the cauterization of your scalp (I know, not exactly dinner discussion)". Anyway, about 30 minutes later, the surgeon showed up with a fresh bag of popcorn. Now, that's a good sense of humor.

Love that!

And no need to tell me about having my back, I already knew that, special place indeed.

That said, this has taken up enough space here and and we all need cheerier thoughts.

 

[Xelda]

Love that!
And no need to tell me about having my back, I already knew that, special place indeed.
That said, this has taken up enough space here and and we all need cheerier thoughts.

With that in mind... WE WON! WE WON, WE WON, WE WON!!!!! WE ARE GOING TO THE SUPER BOWL THIS YEAR!

 

[Runwildboys]

Love that!

And no need to tell me about having my back, I already knew that, special place indeed.

That said, this has taken up enough space here and and we all need cheerier thoughts.

Just one last thought on the subject: The timing of this is suspect, so if Reality asks, I don't want to be a mod!