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Montanalo

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Isn't about time for a few really bad Chuck Norris jokes?

Chuck Norris once overslept by an hour, now we have daylight savings time.

When Chuck Norris visits a foreign country, they learn English.

Chuck Norris keeps a diary, it's called the Guinness Book of World Records.

I changed my internet password to "Chuck Norris", but it was rejected it was too strong.
 

Xelda

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Good evening Pops, Coachadoodles and Popsadoodles! It's been a little while since I've reported on some of my bone headedness. Just thought I'd let you know. Just kidding. Let me roll the clock back to Thursday and day two of chemo. Wait, let me roll it back to last Saturday and announce the water pipes in front of my house ruptured. The city put yellow flags down but have not repaired the problem. (Note to self: call and tell them the yellow flags are not magic.) Now, let me back up to Wednesday and say I couldn't sleep that night so I took two wimpy tranquillizers. They are one step above placebos. Those didn't help, so I sent a couple more down the chute hoping for a good night's rest.

The next day the alarm on my phone is going off. I move the phone in range of my hand and start slapping it. I eventually get out of bed long after I'd planned to. I need to call momma, so I look at my usual phone spot. It's empty and my brain goes "where's momma?" to which my smart Alecky side goes "you've been slapping momma all morning". Huh? Oh yeah. After talking with her, I call and see if I can get a doctor's excuse to get out of chemo... no luck. I race around and get ready then try to put something in my mail box. Water and front yard are coming out at that spot. I have to empty the mail box to make room for the package. Stuff starts falling in the water and I come up muddy. I don't have time to reset, so I wipe off what I can and keep going. Upon arriving at the chemo center, I get out and take a short cut across the mulch. I step into a hole and fall face first into fresh mulch. I get up looking like something the Outback (not the steak house) coughed up. I am covered in mulch, mud and defeat. I wrote my own doctor's excuse for Friday. I'll probably look like Heath Ledger as the Joker on Monday. Gotta keep those people on their toes. Good luck with keeping me on mine.
 

Xelda

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I thought about it and don't want y'all thinking I'm a drug addict. I was given one bottle of 30 nondescript super mild tranquilizers for radiation. I am aware they are weak and saved them for times like above. I wanted help getting to sleep, not staying asleep.
 

GrammaJan

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I thought about it and don't want y'all thinking I'm a drug addict. I was given one bottle of 30 nondescript super mild tranquilizers for radiation. I am aware they are weak and saved them for times like above. I wanted help getting to sleep, not staying asleep.
I think you’ve probably earned some of the better ones by now
 

Runwildboys

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Good evening Pops, Coachadoodles and Popsadoodles! It's been a little while since I've reported on some of my bone headedness. Just thought I'd let you know. Just kidding. Let me roll the clock back to Thursday and day two of chemo. Wait, let me roll it back to last Saturday and announce the water pipes in front of my house ruptured. The city put yellow flags down but have not repaired the problem. (Note to self: call and tell them the yellow flags are not magic.) Now, let me back up to Wednesday and say I couldn't sleep that night so I took two wimpy tranquillizers. They are one step above placebos. Those didn't help, so I sent a couple more down the chute hoping for a good night's rest.

The next day the alarm on my phone is going off. I move the phone in range of my hand and start slapping it. I eventually get out of bed long after I'd planned to. I need to call momma, so I look at my usual phone spot. It's empty and my brain goes "where's momma?" to which my smart Alecky side goes "you've been slapping momma all morning". Huh? Oh yeah. After talking with her, I call and see if I can get a doctor's excuse to get out of chemo... no luck. I race around and get ready then try to put something in my mail box. Water and front yard are coming out at that spot. I have to empty the mail box to make room for the package. Stuff starts falling in the water and I come up muddy. I don't have time to reset, so I wipe off what I can and keep going. Upon arriving at the chemo center, I get out and take a short cut across the mulch. I step into a hole and fall face first into fresh mulch. I get up looking like something the Outback (not the steak house) coughed up. I am covered in mulch, mud and defeat. I wrote my own doctor's excuse for Friday. I'll probably look like Heath Ledger as the Joker on Monday. Gotta keep those people on their toes. Good luck with keeping me on mine.
As if having to go to chemo wasn't enough to ruin your day. I can't even laugh, because I can feel your frustration, especially once you fell in the mulch. At that point I would have gotten back in the car and driven unsafely home, then refused to answer the phone when the doctor called to see why I didn't show up...Then after a few minutes, I would have decided it wasn't his fault and called back to explain.

What a crappy day, X. I hope the rest of your days are all better than that.
 

Montanalo

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Morning Pops, CC and fellow Cowboy fans.

Hey, @Runwildboys how are you doing these days? It's a brisk 15 F and I am enjoying a hot cup of tea and awaiting sun up.

I had an entertaining experience at the DMV yesterday. While awaiting my turn to renew my DL, a man came in and, in a very agitated voice, proceeded to tell the officer how screwed up the DMV is. The guy was quite rude.

Apparently the man just moved from CA ( he actually lowered his voice to a near whisper when he said "California"), did not have all the necessary documents attesting to his Montana address. He claimed that driving around MT with CA plates brought out the dark side of Montanas. He claimed people would honk at him, try to drive him off the road.

The officer was incredibly cool and collected, never sounded the least bit defensive UNTIL an old man in the waiting area said to the man, "It's not your CA plates, it's you. Go home to CA, we don't want you here".

The officer cracked up laughing. Made my day.

So, anyone else with an interesting start to March?
 

Runwildboys

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Morning Pops, CC and fellow Cowboy fans.

Hey, @Runwildboys how are you doing these days? It's a brisk 15 F and I am enjoying a hot cup of tea and awaiting sun up.

I had an entertaining experience at the DMV yesterday. While awaiting my turn to renew my DL, a man came in and, in a very agitated voice, proceeded to tell the officer how screwed up the DMV is. The guy was quite rude.

Apparently the man just moved from CA ( he actually lowered his voice to a near whisper when he said "California"), did not have all the necessary documents attesting to his Montana address. He claimed that driving around MT with CA plates brought out the dark side of Montanas. He claimed people would honk at him, try to drive him off the road.

The officer was incredibly cool and collected, never sounded the least bit defensive UNTIL an old man in the waiting area said to the man, "It's not your CA plates, it's you. Go home to CA, we don't want you here".

The officer cracked up laughing. Made my day.

So, anyone else with an interesting start to March?
I'm doing well, Monty, thanks for asking!

It's been rather mild here lately. About 50° right now. March came in like lamb...a wet, sloppy lamb. Hopefully, it goes out like a smaller, dryer lamb.
 

Montanalo

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I'm doing well, Monty, thanks for asking!

It's been rather mild here lately. About 50° right now. March came in like lamb...a wet, sloppy lamb. Hopefully, it goes out like a smaller, dryer lamb.
We could do with your "wetness" (and, yes, I understand how perverted that sounds). It has been an unseasonably dry winter. The snowpack is dangerously low and those in the know are already predicting a severe fire season this year.

Oh, I forgot to mention earlier that we took a drive to Sweet Grass, Montana which is a designated US Canadian border crossing. Sweet Grass has less than 100 residents, is located in central Montana and is literally miles from absolutely nowhere. Nonetheless, we were both shocked at the volume of commercial traffic crossing the border -- tractor trailers lined up for miles waiting to cross from Canada to US. Strangely, there was essentially no commercial traffic headed the opposite directions. Do you see similar things in NY? It just seems odd that the commerce seems to be so one-sided.
 

Runwildboys

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We could do with your "wetness" (and, yes, I understand how perverted that sounds). It has been an unseasonably dry winter. The snowpack is dangerously low and those in the know are already predicting a severe fire season this year.

Oh, I forgot to mention earlier that we took a drive to Sweet Grass, Montana which is a designated US Canadian border crossing. Sweet Grass has less than 100 residents, is located in central Montana and is literally miles from absolutely nowhere. Nonetheless, we were both shocked at the volume of commercial traffic crossing the border -- tractor trailers lined up for miles waiting to cross from Canada to US. Strangely, there was essentially no commercial traffic headed the opposite directions. Do you see similar things in NY? It just seems odd that the commerce seems to be so one-sided.
I live in CT, so I really have no idea about the goings on at the Canadian border. I have however noticed a large increase in the number of vehicles from other states rolling through our interstates. I don't know if they're just passing through, or they're commuting, but I do know they're getting in my way.
:grin:
 

GrammaJan

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HELLOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. Anyone heeeeerrreeeee???

Morning Pops, CC, and friends. How is everyone?
Xelda?
Jan?

How are you two feeling these days?
Here.
Anyone a fan of Redford and Nolte? A Walk in the Woods. I chuckle all the way through this movie and part of me wonders about the Katz character... Movie is based on a true story (of his own) and book by Bill Bryson.
 

Runwildboys

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Here.
Anyone a fan of Redford and Nolte? A Walk in the Woods. I chuckle all the way through this movie and part of me wonders about the Katz character... Movie is based on a true story (of his own) and book by Bill Bryson.
I watched that movie with my mother. We both loved it. Both actors doing what they do best, and taking it even farther. Redford can deliver those one liners and sound both serious and joking at the same time.
 

Montanalo

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Good morning Pops, CC and the rest of the Cowboy world.

Chuck Norris jokes courtesy of my grandson:

Fact checkers consult with Chuck Norris before publishing anything.

Chuck Norris doesn't have to be a good aim; his bullets instinctively know where to go.

Chuck Norris can play Rock, Paper, Scissors in the mirror and win.

Chuck Norris and Superman once had an arm wrestling contest. The loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants
 
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