Opposite Sex Friends

[theogt]

If someone had self-control, why then would they want more if the opportunity presented itself and would go about seeking it? That's the very definition of lacking self-control.

You have a terrible time expressing your thoughts through words.

 

[Teren_Kanan]

It means if you had the means and the opportunity, you would want to be more than just friends.

See the car analogy.

Don't be stupid.

Theo is correct in his definition of attractive. Understanding why a women thinks a guy is attractive, and thinking a guy is attractive, are different things by definition. The argument has basically broken down into semantics.

Also, generalizations exist for a reason, because they represent the majority, but never do they represent everyone. There are men out there who genuinely don't want to sleep with most women they see. The majority of them do though.

As for me? I'm a pig. Based on LOOKS ALONE I would probably desire sex with 70-80% of the women on this planet. But that doesn't necessarily mean I'm very attracted to them. Based on LOOKS ALONE I would probably only be willing to actually date 20-30% of them. My standards for sex and potential girlfriend (based on only looks, mind you) are vastly different.

I can't think of a single female friend in my life that I wouldn't have been willing to sleep with if we were both single. But again, every female friend I've ever had has been fully aware of that fact. I'm extremely flirty regardless, and very sexual in general. Ask any of my female friends to recall a phrase I say often, and most of them will reply "Sit on my face", as it's my favorite thing to say.

If you're a close friend of mine, guy or girl, chances are we've talked about sex more times than we can count. I'm not the type of person who has any kind of secrets. I'll talk about anything. I especially enjoy taboo conversations.

Wanting to sleep with someone, or being willing to, does not mean you are going to attempt it.

 

[Cowboyslife]

You have a terrible time expressing your thoughts through words.

I'm sorry, the male approach to women is not as cut and dried as you make it appear. There are many reasons why a guy might not approach an attractive woman ever. He could be extremely devoted to that one woman. He could be extremely shy. He could be in a profession that requires cellibacy. He could be a pastor who counsels women from time to time and doesn't let anything interfere in that pursuit etc. etc.

 

[Cowboyslife]

Theo is correct in his definition of attractive. Understanding why a women thinks a guy is attractive, and thinking a guy is attractive, are different things by definition. The argument has basically broken down into semantics.

Also, generalizations exist for a reason, because they represent the majority, but never do they represent everyone. There are men out there who genuinely don't want to sleep with most women they see. The majority of them do though.

As for me? I'm a pig. Based on LOOKS ALONE I would probably desire sex with 70-80% of the women on this planet. But that doesn't necessarily mean I'm very attracted to them. Based on LOOKS ALONE I would probably only be willing to actually date 20-30% of them. My standards for sex and potential girlfriend (based on only looks, mind you) are vastly different.

I can't think of a single female friend in my life that I wouldn't have been willing to sleep with if we were both single. But again, every female friend I've ever had has been fully aware of that fact. I'm extremely flirty regardless, and very sexual in general. Ask any of my female friends to recall a phrase I say often, and most of them will reply "Sit on my face", as it's my favorite thing to say.

If you're a close friend of mine, guy or girl, chances are we've talked about sex more times than we can count. I'm not the type of person who has any kind of secrets. I'll talk about anything. I especially enjoy taboo conversations.

Wanting to sleep with someone, or being willing to, does not mean you are going to attempt it.

An attractive person can cause sexual attraction, that is true, but not always. And it can mean something as simple as attracting a gaze.

 

[rkell87]

Contacts for personal or professional advancement, i.e. networking is an extremely limited relationship. Those relationships exist only in their official capacity, no different from the fellow female Officers that I served with in my old unit. If I was in a bind making a leadership decision would I potentially call one of my old battle buddies? Absolutely. However, the discussion stops there.

I think you and I have a different understanding of the definition of the word "friend."

Common interests is a cop out, in my opinion. If your interests are generally typical for a man or woman, then one could reasonably expect your friends that share those interests to be of the same sex. I'd be rather upset if my fiancee was going over to some guy's place to watch Jersey Shore at 9PM at night because it was a "common interest" rather than hanging with some girlfriends. Plus, like I said before, I would rather sit and watch some nonsense on Bravo that I don't care about with her because she IS my best friend.

i assume we are talking about close personal friends that you have known for a long time and have a mutual repect for each other as a person and that happens to be single while you are in a long term commited relationship. you are taking the reasons individually, it would be multiple of those reasons why you or your wife would have a close friend of the opposite sex.

but like you have said there are/can be cultural differences that make opposite sex friends difficult.

Would you say that this is the norm or that this is the exception? Again, only speaking for myself but if I had a female friend that I shared so much in common with, I could see feelings on one side or the other developing much faster. I could also place myself in this position if my wife had such a relationship with another person. I would not like it and it would cause problems. Perhaps I am not mature enough, perhaps I simply do not trust enough. Whatever the case, I think that this type of situation would probably end up in trouble more times then not. There are always exceptions but I would feel more comfortable avoiding that as opposed to taking the chance regardless.

see i cant really say if it is the exception or rule because it varies on both people in the relationship and the friend on the other end. i am not a jealous person, my GF isnt overly jealous but can be sometimes but we have been together long enough and have a trust and our friends are all mutual friends(benefit from being together in highschool) and we are friends with people that have known us both for long periods of time and were there from the beginning of our relationship(her friend first or mine we both have them) so we dont have a problem with our single friends hitting on either of us and my GF has sent me alone to take care of a drunk female friend and she on occasion has had lunch with a male friend while im at work, there is just a trust there.

now i will say we have had friends that were attracted to one of us or the other and we talked about it and we drop those friends and social circle involved with those type people but those have never been 'close' long term friends.

 

[Dallas]

You have a terrible time expressing your thoughts through words.

ANSWER me like a MAN.


:laugh2: Sorry theo, thought it was funny. Had to include it here in our little thread of love and gay romance.


I am also not some swine you can pick out at your local grocer (sorry teren...oink!). I am grade-A prime awesome man catch.

So my GF tells me....why she respects me and LOVESSSS me so much.

 

[Cowboyslife]

ANSWER me like a MAN.


:laugh2: Sorry theo, thought it was funny. Had to include it here in our little thread of love and gay romance.


I am also not some swine you can pick out at your local grocer. I am grade-A prime awesome man catch.


So my GF tells says....why she respect me and LOVESSSS me so much.

You better watch out. Apparently she's going to try to have sex with every attractive guy she sees.

 

[casmith07]

i assume we are talking about close personal friends that you have known for a long time and have a mutual repect for each other as a person and that happens to be single while you are in a long term commited relationship. you are taking the reasons individually, it would be multiple of those reasons why you or your wife would have a close friend of the opposite sex.

but like you have said there are/can be cultural differences that make opposite sex friends difficult.

see i cant really say if it is the exception or rule because it varies on both people in the relationship and the friend on the other end. i am not a jealous person, my GF isnt overly jealous but can be sometimes but we have been together long enough and have a trust and our friends are all mutual friends(benefit from being together in highschool) and we are friends with people that have known us both for long periods of time and were there from the beginning of our relationship(her friend first or mine we both have them) so we dont have a problem with our single friends hitting on either of us and my GF has sent me alone to take care of a drunk female friend and she on occasion has had lunch with a male friend while im at work, there is just a trust there.

now i will say we have had friends that were attracted to one of us or the other and we talked about it and we drop those friends and social circle involved with those type people but those have never been 'close' long term friends.

I'll answer in bullet points, and then I'm going to bed and will rise tomorrow to continue this interesting thread

1. I think that no matter how long someone has been a "friend" when you enter into a serious relationship, they should back off.

2. Culture certainly plays a role in some instances, but to me it's immaterial.

3. Jealousy has absolutely nothing to do with my stance.

'night!

 

[Dallas]

You better watch out. Apparently she's trying to have sex with every attractive guy she meets.

She's a dj and does 4 shows a week at the clubs. I can't count how many oinkers are sweatin her.

You can't sweat the petty things and you shouldn't pet the sweaty things.

There is always a possibility of infidelity, but I just got tired of worrying about all of that stuff long before her.

I got no reason not to believe I am ALLLL she needs. She takes great care of me and I haven't a single red flag waving at me in this relationship.

 

[Cowboyslife]

She's a dj and does 4 shows a week at the clubs. I can't count how many oinkers are sweatin her.

You can't sweat the petty things and you shouldn't pet the sweaty things.

There is always a possibility of infidelity, but I just got tired of worrying about all of that stuff long before her.

I got no reason not to believe I am ALLLL she needs. She takes great care of me and I haven't a single red flag waving at me in this relationship.

I was only kidding. I hope I didn't offend you.

 

[theogt]

I'm sorry, the male approach to women is not as cut and dried as you make it appear. There are many reasons why a guy might not approach an attractive woman ever. He could be extremely devoted to that one woman. He could be extremely shy. He could be in a profession that requires cellibacy. He could be a pastor who counsels women from time to time and doesn't let anything interfere in that pursuit etc. etc.

You've almost completely misread everything I've said. To the point where I'm considering whether it (your misreading) was intentional or not.

 

[Dallas]

I was only kidding. I hope I didn't offend you.

No no ...I was just making a point not ALL of us poopy guys are as primal as SOME want to make us out to be.

sup......beautiful...

 

[rkell87]

I'll answer in bullet points, and then I'm going to bed and will rise tomorrow to continue this interesting thread

1. I think that no matter how long someone has been a "friend" when you enter into a serious relationship, they should back off.

2. Culture certainly plays a role in some instances, but to me it's immaterial.

3. Jealousy has absolutely nothing to do with my stance.

'night!

i agree, and thats how it should be at least in the beginning but once that trust has been established and everyone involved knows they aint breaking that bond then it can be done.

i only brought it up because you made it seem like that could be the case with you when you said it to WG

thats fine but it does(in my view at least) play a part in whether or not an opposite sex friendship can work

good night sir

 

[theogt]

i agree, and thats how it should be at least in the beginning but once that trust has been established and everyone involved knows they aint breaking that bond then it can be done.

i only brought it up because you made it seem like that could be the case with you when you said it to WG

thats fine but it does(in my view at least) play a part in whether or not an opposite sex friendship can work

good night sir

Whether you trust your spouse in a particular situation doesn't make that situation socially normal or acceptable.

I trust my wife to sit in a room full of naked men. Do I want her sitting in that situation? Is it acceptable for her to want to sit in that situation? No.

 

[Cowboyslife]

You've almost completely misread everything I've said. To the point where I'm considering whether it (your misreading) was intentional or not.

I didn't misread you saying that all guys are going to pursue an attractive woman. My response were only listing examples to prove my point.

Bottomline, you can admit that someone is attractive and have no inkling of trying to hook up with them.

 

[theogt]

I didn't misread you saying that all guys are going to pursue an attractive woman. My response were only listing examples to prove my point.

See, I never said that. Hence, your misreading. I've become persuaded that your misreading was involuntary.

 

[Cowboyslife]

See, I never said that. Hence, your misreading. I've become persuaded that your misreading was involuntary.

So all that about having the means and lalala was nothing really then?

 

[theogt]

So all that about having the means and lalala was nothing really then?

It was "means and opportunity." And no, it wasn't meaningless.

 

[Teren_Kanan]

Dallas wrote:

There is always a possibility of infidelity, but I just got tired of worrying about all of that stuff long before her.

I got no reason not to believe I am ALLLL she needs. She takes great care of me and I haven't a single red flag waving at me in this relationship.

Pretty much sums up my feelings with my GF.

Theogt wrote:

Whether you trust your spouse in a particular situation doesn't make that situation socially normal or acceptable.

I trust my wife to sit in a room full of naked men. Do I want her sitting in that situation? Is it acceptable for her to want to sit in that situation? No.

I trust my wife to sit in a room full of naked men? Yes I do

Do I want her sitting in that situation? Sounds really awkward lol, no straight answer available, too many intangibles. Why are there naked men in a room? Is this a male strip club? Go for it baby, have a ball.

Is it acceptable for her to want to sit in that situation? Absolutely! If she could spend time in a room full of naked Brad Pitts, more power to her. I'm sure she'll have a fun time eye balling such amazing man meat.

I certainly know I'd love to be in a room full of naked beautiful women. Sounds like a strip club to me. I have no problem with them, and my GF has gone with me to them. I'd have no problem with her going to a male strip club, not in the slightest.

Wanting to do things, again, does not indicate intent.

As for being socially normal? Social norms tend to be very illogical, and a lot of them need to go away.

Cowboyslife wrote:

Bottomline, you can admit that someone is attractive and have no inkling of trying to hook up with them

.

I'll go ahead and concede. But I will argue that it is neither the point, nor does it have any real relevance to the topic at hand. The discussion on the meaning of the word "attractive" is semantics at this point.

 

[Dallas]

The discussion on the meaning of the word "attractive" is semantics at this point.

again