Opposite Sex Friends

[Doomsday]

I dont really buy into the whole "friend" thing when it comes to people of different sex. Sure it is possible but I would be willing to bet that at least 80% of the time one of the two people has more on their mind then just friendship but doesnt want to admit it.

 

[casmith07]

Well, I can honestly say that in my entire life, from the time I was a young kid, up to now, I have never been in any sort of relationship, be it girl friend or wife, where putting the Friendship of a female before or even on par with that of my partner, didn't cause trouble. Perhaps I just pick the wrong type. I don't know but it's never failed to create issues. In the past, I have made decisions not to put my relationship before personal friendships and those relationships pretty much ended.

Just how it is for me.

Same here.

 

[casmith07]

I dont really buy into the whole "friend" thing when it comes to people of different sex. Sure it is possible but I would be willing to bet that at least 80% of the time one of the two people has more on their mind then just friendship but doesnt want to admit it.

Just like Steve Harvey said

 

[bbgun]

I dont really buy into the whole "friend" thing when it comes to people of different sex. Sure it is possible but I would be willing to bet that at least 80% of the time one of the two people has more on their mind then just friendship but doesnt want to admit it.

It would only work if neither or you were in a relationship with someone else at the time. Chances are your bf or gf would find it weird or threatening, no matter how innocent.

 

[Vtwin]

It would only work if neither or you were in a relationship with someone else at the time. Chances are your bf or gf would find it weird or threatening, no matter how innocent.

Would never have gotten seriously involved with someone who was "threatened" by a long standing relationship. Life is to short to be controlled by petty insecure behavior.

I've got guy friends who used to be close but their wives have such a tight grip on thier sack they can't even hang out with their old friends once in a while. Sad...

 

[Vtwin]

Generally if someone isn't attracted to someone, they wouldn't be trying to hang out with them.

Look, at no point ever when I'm sitting around do I decide to pick up the phone and see if some girl from the law school wants to hang out. I have done it on one occasion, and it was at the request of my fiancee to invite some of the girls she had met when we all went out together for drinks. We were going to the Maryland seafood festival and she wanted the girls to come so that she would be able to try and make some new friends.

At no time do I have the desire to hang out with other women. I've been told by another woman that she would "do anything for me" as recently as October (a pathetic cry for help from an old flame). My fiancee was furious, as well I would hope she would be.

I just simply do not think there is anything to be gained from having friends of the opposite sex. What does some other man have to offer that I as a boyfriend, fiance, or husband don't have? Think of it in that context - stop thinking of it as being a single person and having friends of the opposite sex - that's customary.

What? That's insane! I go skiing with my skiing frineds and fishing with my fishing friends etc etc etc. Physical attraction has nothing to do with hanging out with someone because you have common interests.

 

[theogt]

What? That's insane! I go skiing with my skiing frineds and fishing with my fishing friends etc etc etc. Physical attraction has nothing to do with hanging out with someone because you have common interests.

You have a female friend with which just the two of you go skiing or fishing?

 

[ABQCOWBOY]

What? That's insane! I go skiing with my skiing frineds and fishing with my fishing friends etc etc etc. Physical attraction has nothing to do with hanging out with someone because you have common interests.

Unless your fishing weekly or skiing year round, I don't really think that this sort of comparison meets what is being described. These kinds of associations would be much more casual to me. The person I would consider as closer friend would be somebody I'm talking to multiple times a week. Somebody I go out of my way to meet with and enjoy company with often. At least, that would be what I invision as a close friend. Certainly I have close friends that I don't see as often, perhaps we no longer live near one another but we stay in close touch. That's more of what I could see as constituting good, close friendship.

 

[Vtwin]

You have a female friend with which just the two of you go skiing or fishing?

Yes. Although it is friends as in more than one.

 

[Vtwin]

Unless your fishing weekly or skiing year round, I don't really think that this sort of comparison meets what is being described. These kinds of associations would be much more casual to me. The person I would consider as closer friend would be somebody I'm talking to multiple times a week. Somebody I go out of my way to meet with and enjoy company with often. At least, that would be what I invision as a close friend. Certainly I have close friends that I don't see as often, perhaps we no longer live near one another but we stay in close touch. That's more of what I could see as constituting good, close friendship.

I talk or see these friends weekly at least. They are close friends that I have known for a long time. Actually had a thing with one of them for a while a long time ago before either of us were married. She's now been married for 18 years and me for 15. My wife loves them both and hangs out with them also. They have the keys to our house. They are my most trusted friends.

I am very lucky to have these relationships.

 

[ABQCOWBOY]

I talk or see these friends weekly at least. They are close friends that I have known for a long time. Actually had a thing with one of them for a while a long time ago before either of us were married. She's now been married for 18 years and me for 15. My wife loves them both and hangs out with them also. They have the keys to our house. They are my most trusted friends.

I am very lucky to have these relationships.

I doubt I'd ever survive that. My wife would hand me my head.

 

[theogt]

Yes. Although it is friends as in more than one.

If the second sentence is true, then your answer should have been "no." If you have a group of friends that do things together and one member of the group happens to be a female, that isn't the situation we're addressing. You wouldn't go to Vegas for a weekend with just you and one of those female "friends", would you? For good reason that wouldn't be socially acceptable. But if you and one of your guy friends from that group took a weekend trip to Vegas, no one would think twice. Thus, you're "friends" with the males in the group in a way that you can't be "friends" with the females.

 

[Aikmaniac]

What's funny is while I was at lunch, I saw three different couples come in where the man was middle-aged (50's) and the female was young (late 20's)...all had to be assistants. I immediately thought of this thread.

I talked to my buddy about it and we both agreed that if the wives knew or had met the young, hot assistant after they were newly hired, it would help the jealousy factor...however, how many times do you think it would be ok to take the young assistant out to lunch?

I also noticed that each of these ladies wore what had to be engagement or wedding rings.

 

[WV Cowboy]

This thing about girls that you knew since childhood, or before you were married are different to me.

At least that is not what I was referring to.

I'm saying something like you got a new job and met someone there, or some girl gets a job where you work, or you meet her at the gym, ... then having her become your new best friend is what I am talking about.

Dangerous.

 

[casmith07]

If the second sentence is true, then your answer should have been "no." If you have a group of friends that do things together and one member of the group happens to be a female, that isn't the situation we're addressing. You wouldn't go to Vegas for a weekend with just you and one of those female "friends", would you? For good reason that wouldn't be socially acceptable. But if you and one of your guy friends from that group took a weekend trip to Vegas, no one would think twice. Thus, you're "friends" with the males in the group in a way that you can't be "friends" with the females.

Exactumundo, señor.

What's funny is while I was at lunch, I saw three different couples come in where the man was middle-aged (50's) and the female was young (late 20's)...all had to be assistants. I immediately thought of this thread.

I talked to my buddy about it and we both agreed that if the wives knew or had met the young, hot assistant after they were newly hired, it would help the jealousy factor...however, how many times do you think it would be ok to take the young assistant out to lunch?

I also noticed that each of these ladies wore what had to be engagement or wedding rings.

They would be pretty pissed. There's a girl that I went to Airborne School with in 2006. She's a lieutenant in the Army now. Recently I attended her promotion ceremony to 1LT at her request, as a colleague. Afterwards, she began a miniature firestorm of flirtatious comments and such on my facebook page, photo comments, etc.

Needless to say, the fiancée was quite upset. But again, I would hope that she would be.

This thing about girls that you knew since childhood, or before you were married are different to me.

At least that is not what I was referring to.

I'm saying something like you got a new job and met someone there, or some girl gets a job where you work, or you meet her at the gym, ... then having her become your new best friend is what I am talking about.

Dangerous.

There are three women that I know now that I basically "grew up with" since they were the kids of some of my dad's Army buddies.

In a pinch, I would help them as if I were a big brother. I would never plan a trip or hang out with them without inviting my fiancée, either. Just not the way that I operate. I feel that it is disrespectful of me to offer up my time and company to another woman in the same manner that I would offer to my fiancée. Complete and utter disrespect.

 

[Vtwin]

If the second sentence is true, then your answer should have been "no." If you have a group of friends that do things together and one member of the group happens to be a female, that isn't the situation we're addressing. You wouldn't go to Vegas for a weekend with just you and one of those female "friends", would you? For good reason that wouldn't be socially acceptable. But if you and one of your guy friends from that group took a weekend trip to Vegas, no one would think twice. Thus, you're "friends" with the males in the group in a way that you can't be "friends" with the females.

Man o man. You just dont give up. :

I am talking about me and one of my female friends going skiing, fishing or whatever just the two of us, alone, nobody else. I just meant that I have more then one female friend that I spend time with.

One of these female friends has gone to a big city for and extended period of time for her work the last couple years. I have gone out to visit her and have fun in the big city both years. Spent 3 or 4 days there and GASP!!! stayed at the condo she was staying in with her.

Never been big on what is "socially acceptable". I know what is right and wrong and I live the way I choose not some antiquated social convention built on distrust and insecurity.

I am certain I don't dress right either. :laugh2:

 

[WV Cowboy]

There are three women that I know now that I basically "grew up with" since they were the kids of some of my dad's Army buddies.

In a pinch, I would help them as if I were a big brother. I would never plan a trip or hang out with them without inviting my fiancée, either. Just not the way that I operate. I feel that it is disrespectful of me to offer up my time and company to another woman in the same manner that I would offer to my fiancée. Complete and utter disrespect.

I agree about the disrespect thing. No lady friends for me.

My wife of 35 yrs thinks I hung the moon, .. I love that she thinks that.

I wouldn't ever do anything to give her cause to change the way she thinks.

I would not trade her for anything, any amount of money, or anybody.

 

[Zaxor]

let me give an example... I have 5 sisters and each of them have had friends some of who I like though I do not find them at all sexually attractive nor they me but we can hang out together and laugh at old times or other things...heck they feel to me like sisters and they sometime introduce me as their adopted brother...there is nothing there

 

[WV Cowboy]

let me give an example... I have 5 sisters and each of them have had friends some of who I like though I do not find them at all sexually attractive nor they me but we can hang out together and laugh at old times or other things...heck they feel to me like sisters and they sometime introduce me as their adopted brother...there is nothing there

Right, .. understandable.
Not what I am talking about though, .. see below.

This thing about girls that you knew since childhood, or before you were married are different to me.

At least that is not what I was referring to.

I'm saying something like you got a new job and met someone there, or some girl gets a job where you work, or you meet her at the gym, ... then having her become your new best friend is what I am talking about.

Dangerous.

 

[CanadianCowboysFan]

I take my secretary out to lunch numerous times during the year. She is now engaged but before she wasn't. I never thought anything of it.

My wife has met her and told me she is really pretty but there is no jealousy there.

It was funny though, when I hired her, my wife asked if she was good looking, I said she's fine. Then Ann met her and said, she's really pretty, I went I guess.

Funny story, at an old office, there was a lawyer who had left his first wife for his secretary who became wife number two. She insisted on approving his next secretary who ended up being a real old troll.