Good morning Pops and please excuse me while I reprimand Jan. My dear lady, after all we've shared here, you feel the need to apologize for anger, dismay, frustration, pain and venting to us? There is no judgment here, only support. Pain and joy are both shared here and we share in both with each other. Even something as terrible as the loss of a loved one to being happy for Runny and his days off.
Xelda is right, as she often is but I wouldn't admit it we were married, you have the ones closest to you there to help you grieve and share in the unfairness of life. It is that unfairness that causes me to question what this is all about. I try not to dwell on these questions without answers as that just leads to more questions.
Not knowing Mark and his family isn't necessary for me to feel and share your pain for who among us is untouched by this heartless monster? I do have questions for you. Since you and Mark fought the monster side by side, how would he want you to feel? How would he want you to think about him, his life in victory or his death in defeat in this life? Grief and mourning are expected but so is admiration and pride in how he lived, not sorrow for how he died. That's what the monster wants, collateral damage, broken hearts and to celebrate another victory and supremacy over us. Keep healthy and victorious Mark foremost in your thoughts, as you know he would want, because you defeated the monster once and it's a very sore loser and uses stress to it's advantage. You stay strong and to hell with survivor guilt, you are a bona fide warrior that kicked the monster's ***. And I don't need to know Mark to know he would say that as well.