Opposite Sex Friends

[Aikmaniac]

Man o man. You just dont give up. :

I am talking about me and one of my female friends going skiing, fishing or whatever just the two of us, alone, nobody else. I just meant that I have more then one female friend that I spend time with.

One of these female friends has gone to a big city for and extended period of time for her work the last couple years. I have gone out to visit her and have fun in the big city both years. Spent 3 or 4 days there and GASP!!! stayed at the condo she was staying in with her.

Never been big on what is "socially acceptable". I know what is right and wrong and I live the way I choose not some antiquated social convention built on distrust and insecurity.

I am certain I don't dress right either. :laugh2:

Consider yourself "lucky" there my man.

Not many relationships would work out in that situation, but, as you said, that's how it is going to be for you.

More power to you.

 

[Zaxor]

Right, .. understandable.
Not what I am talking about though, .. see below.

gotcha

 

[Go Big D!]

I dont really buy into the whole "friend" thing when it comes to people of different sex. Sure it is possible but I would be willing to bet that at least 80% of the time one of the two people has more on their mind then just friendship but doesnt want to admit it.

Well it happens. I'm living proof. The guys I referenced earlier, I have no attraction to in the least. And I know the feeling is mutual. Maybe it's because of the environment that we work together, at the fire department, as more of a family vibe. Therefore lacking the sexual tension. Even my husband feels 100% secure about my friendship with them.

 

[theogt]

I am talking about me and one of my female friends going skiing, fishing or whatever just the two of us, alone, nobody else. I just meant that I have more then one female friend that I spend time with.

Really, because earlier you said it was in groups. Now you're changing your story?

One of these female friends has gone to a big city for and extended period of time for her work the last couple years. I have gone out to visit her and have fun in the big city both years. Spent 3 or 4 days there and GASP!!! stayed at the condo she was staying in with her.

You're married and you spent a weekend just you and another female at her apartment in another city?

Yeah, that's not normal.

I take my secretary out to lunch numerous times during the year. She is now engaged but before she wasn't. I never thought anything of it.

Why would you? It's a work relationship. I've taken my secretary to lunch.

But you most certainly wouldn't go spend a weekend alone in another city with her.

 

[Vtwin]

Really, because earlier you said it was in groups. Now you're changing your story?

You're married and you spent a weekend just you and another female at her apartment in another city?

Yeah, that's not normal.

.

I did not say that. You may have misinterpreted what I wrote but I explained it clearly in a later post. You aren't really trying are you.


Who are you to determine what is "normal". "Normal" is for the spineless and the sheep. Isn't it time for you to watch American Idol on the DVR?

I've been faithfully married for 15 years and have no intention of changing that. That isn't "normal" these days either, is it?

 

[theogt]

I did not say that.

Yeah, I get that your story has changed several times now.

 

[CanadianCowboysFan]

Really, because earlier you said it was in groups. Now you're changing your story?

You're married and you spent a weekend just you and another female at her apartment in another city?

Yeah, that's not normal.

Why would you? It's a work relationship. I've taken my secretary to lunch.

But you most certainly wouldn't go spend a weekend alone in another city with her.

sure I would, if her fiance and my wife agreed to it

 

[Teren_Kanan]

I did not say that. You may have misinterpreted what I wrote but I explained it clearly in a later post. You aren't really trying are you.


Who are you to determine what is "normal". "Normal" is for the spineless and the sheep. Isn't it time for you to watch American Idol on the DVR?

I've been faithfully married for 15 years and have no intention of changing that. That isn't "normal" these days either, is it?

No, being faithfully married for such a length of time is not "normal" anymore.

I get you, and completely agree.
I do have a question though. Your female friends. If you were both single, would you sleep with them if they made an advance, or would you attempt to sleep with them?

I have several female friends that I hang out with. And by that Theo, I mean, Just us, alone, away from my GF, and at odd hours of the night. Sometimes we smoke, sometimes we drink, and as I posted earlier, we've even gone hot tubbing, in bathing suites which means very little clothing !! gasp!

To top it all off, if I was single I'd be trying to get all up in it. A few of my friends it's not even a question. If we were both single, we'd be sleeping with each other. I know this, they know this, my GF knows this. No one has a problem with it, because, I'm not single and I wouldn't do it. It's as simple as that.

But my GF is not insecure, and neither am I. I would allow her to do the same thing with other guys without so much as a worry. Sex with any of my friends wouldn't be worth losing my GF over, ever. I've even slept with a friend I hang out with, prior to getting with my GF.

It's not "normal", but as I said earlier, Social Norms are often based on garbage and unreasonable. Is it rare to find a women who would be cool with what I do? Maybe, but I wouldn't be with any women who had a problem with it.

Know what else isn't normal? 5 years in a relationship without a single argument minor or otherwise.

 

[Vintage]

(2) hung out with that person for extended periods of time just by yourselves, and (3) not had one or the other want it to be more than just friends. If you weren't the one wanting it to be more, the other person was. Guaranteed.

Yeah, you're full of it...

 

[CanadianCowboysFan]

I think if North Americans were less hung up on sex, we would enjoy life bettre.

 

[Teren_Kanan]

I think if North Americans were less hung up on sex, we would enjoy life bettre.

Indeed.

 

[bbgun]

I think if North Americans were less hung up on sex, we would enjoy life bettre.

"I enjoy sex as much as Joe Namath, only I do it with one girl." -- Roger Staubach

 

[casmith07]

"I enjoy sex as much as Joe Namath, only I do it with one girl." -- Roger Staubach

/thread

 

[CanadianCowboysFan]

except people get too high and mighty over other's sex practices

Ask yourself, was Francois Mitterand, John Kennedy, George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, ike worse presidents because they had affairs while President?

In the end, we worry too much about that stuff, it is a private nature and should remain there.

If Rex Ryan were coaching a European soccer team no way would anyone write or care about his foot fetish issue on the side. It would be a private matter between he and his wife.

 

[Yakuza Rich]

It's okay if that is the terms of the relationship.

But 99% of the time...it NEVER will work.

Eventually one of the people in the relationship will get jealous and hold that against the other person.

The best I've ever seen come out of that situation was a friend of mine and his girlfriend had that understanding for awhile and then eventually grew apart from each other a couple of years down the road and went their separate ways without any real animosity.

Personally that type of understanding is something I've never looked for in a relationship. To me, too much stress and anxiety. But I've had plenty of friends try to tell me that they think their girlfriend or the person they just started seeing will understand that or they are supposed to try that and it usually winds up in disaster.






YR

 

[Vtwin]

Yeah, I get that your story has changed several times now.

That's your game eh?

My "story" has been the same since word one son.

 

[Vtwin]

No, being faithfully married for such a length of time is not "normal" anymore.

I get you, and completely agree.
I do have a question though. Your female friends. If you were both single, would you sleep with them if they made an advance, or would you attempt to sleep with them?

I have several female friends that I hang out with. And by that Theo, I mean, Just us, alone, away from my GF, and at odd hours of the night. Sometimes we smoke, sometimes we drink, and as I posted earlier, we've even gone hot tubbing, in bathing suites which means very little clothing !! gasp!

To top it all off, if I was single I'd be trying to get all up in it. A few of my friends it's not even a question. If we were both single, we'd be sleeping with each other. I know this, they know this, my GF knows this. No one has a problem with it, because, I'm not single and I wouldn't do it. It's as simple as that.

But my GF is not insecure, and neither am I. I would allow her to do the same thing with other guys without so much as a worry. Sex with any of my friends wouldn't be worth losing my GF over, ever. I've even slept with a friend I hang out with, prior to getting with my GF.

It's not "normal", but as I said earlier, Social Norms are often based on garbage and unreasonable. Is it rare to find a women who would be cool with what I do? Maybe, but I wouldn't be with any women who had a problem with it.

Know what else isn't normal? 5 years in a relationship without a single argument minor or otherwise.

Well in my case I have slept with one of them. We dated about 25 years ago for a short time. The same one I visited and stayed with in fact. We often joke that if we had stayed together and got married we would probably hate each other by now. My wife knows all of this. She knows how much I love her (my wife) and how I would never do anything to hurt her or jeopardize our relationship. My friend feels the same about her husband and she has three kids. I am close with her entire family and helped carry her father to his grave. We don't even entertain the thought of fooling around because of respect for our loved ones and the fact that there is so much to lose for both of us. We are not weaklings who cannot control our emotions like some posting in this thread. We have a real bond of friendship that is rare in my experience. To give that up just because Theo thinks it's not "normal" would be just plain weak. If fate was to leave us both alone in this world things might change. To be honest I haven't really even thought about it. I get my physical desires filled and don't need to be thinking about that with anyone other than the one I promised to love honor and cherish.

My friend and I are going to Montreal tonight to see a hockey game. My wife told me this morning that if we are going out for drinks after (duh) don't be afraid to spend the night rather than risk driving home. My wife sees the big picture. I have earned her trust and will do nothing to lose it.

Ironically... If I were to be going to this game with some guy friends I would no doubt end up being dragged into one of Montreal's famous strip clubs. Since I'm going with my female friend we will find some good music somewhere and chill.

Wonder which my wife would find more disrespectful Theo?

 

[casmith07]

Well in my case I have slept with one of them. We dated about 25 years ago for a short time. The same one I visited and stayed with in fact. We often joke that if we had stayed together and got married we would probably hate each other by now. My wife knows all of this. She knows how much I love her (my wife) and how I would never do anything to hurt her or jeopardize our relationship. My friend feels the same about her husband and she has three kids. I am close with her entire family and helped carry her father to his grave. We don't even entertain the thought of fooling around because of respect for our loved ones and the fact that there is so much to lose for both of us. We are not weaklings who cannot control our emotions like some posting in this thread. We have a real bond of friendship that is rare in my experience. To give that up just because Theo thinks it's not "normal" would be just plain weak. If fate was to leave us both alone in this world things might change. To be honest I haven't really even thought about it. I get my physical desires filled and don't need to be thinking about that with anyone other than the one I promised to love honor and cherish.

My friend and I are going to Montreal tonight to see a hockey game. My wife told me this morning that if we are going out for drinks after (duh) don't be afraid to spend the night rather than risk driving home. My wife sees the big picture. I have earned her trust and will do nothing to lose it.

Ironically... If I were to be going to this game with some guy friends I would no doubt end up being dragged into one of Montreal's famous strip clubs. Since I'm going with my female friend we will find some good music somewhere and chill.

Wonder which my wife would find more disrespectful Theo?

Nobody is dragging you to a strip club against your will. And if your friends can't respect the fact that your wife doesn't like you frequenting strip clubs, then they aren't real friends.

As for the rest of that, that CERTAINLY would not fly in most relationships that I've been a part of or known, including my current one. My fiancée now doesn't want me to have anything to do with any ex-girlfriends, and I completely understand where she is coming from.

The fact that there was a physical history there makes it even worse.

But, to each his own, I suppose. Being a pallbearer and spending weekends together away from your wife are two distinctly different things, in my opinion. If I went to spend a weekend 1 on 1 with another woman not only would I feel guilty and dirty the entire time, but I'd be on the street as well.

 

[Doomsday]

Well it happens. I'm living proof. The guys I referenced earlier, I have no attraction to in the least. And I know the feeling is mutual. Maybe it's because of the environment that we work together, at the fire department, as more of a family vibe. Therefore lacking the sexual tension. Even my husband feels 100% secure about my friendship with them.

No offense but woman usually are the ones who think it is mutual but usually it isnt. Im not saying it NEVER happens but I am saying most of the time one of two, have more then just friendship on their minds.

To me friendship is a form of attraction and intimacy, I wouldnt marry or even date a woman that I couldnt be friends with. It is a prerequisite of a relationship in my mind. If I get a long good with a woman and have that type of connection than I would want to pursue it further and I think so would most single men looking for a long term relationship. Maybe I have a warped sense of reality, but that has been my experience.

Two questions. Are your male friends married? Do you go out and do things with your male friends without your husband present? Like go to the movies, or shopping or other activities that normal friends would do? The only reason I ask is I think there are different levels of friendship.

One of my best friends has been "friends" with a girl for over 15 years. She thinks they are just good buddies but I know different. He has had a huge crush on her for the ENTIRE time but he knows she has no sexual interest in him at all. He thinks that suddenly she is going to realize what a great guy he is and hopes things will change. Some people are really good at hiding their true feelings trying to hold onto hope, others of us are not wired like that. If I am interested in a girl, I will try to find out if its mutual and if not move on.

 

[Doomsday]

I take my secretary out to lunch numerous times during the year. She is now engaged but before she wasn't. I never thought anything of it.

My wife has met her and told me she is really pretty but there is no jealousy there.

It was funny though, when I hired her, my wife asked if she was good looking, I said she's fine. Then Ann met her and said, she's really pretty, I went I guess.

Funny story, at an old office, there was a lawyer who had left his first wife for his secretary who became wife number two. She insisted on approving his next secretary who ended up being a real old troll.

Secretaries and Nannies are home wreckers, LOL. (joking)

That is more being friendly then being friends to me. I go to lunch with my fellow co-workers all the time, but I dont call them friends. They are work friends, its not the same.